To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

I think it's a good thing to be asking for advice on possible tricks, hacks, tips for making life easier for yourself. You've no idea what somebody's background is. I had to put a lot of scaffolding in place before having a baby to protect myself from potential mental health problems after, because I know myself and my head!! Putting those things in place helped us be a happier family, it didn't mean I was lazy or looking for an easy way out, or wasn't ready for the difficulties that would come. Quite the opposite actually!! Some people in life just think motherhood = misery and if you aren't bloody miserable you are doing it wrong! 🙄

I was the same but I feel like I have to keep quiet about my lovely c section in real life. I was up as soon as I could move my legs and that was that, no pain unless I really twisted myself. I didn't take any paracetamol after the first lot they gave me.

So it's possible but I know others who had a tough recovery.

You don't need a changing station, just changing mat on the floor. Also if you are having a section you will need somewhere for them to sleep both upstairs and down, we just had 2 moses baskets.

Buy double the number of baby vests you think you need. You’ll never have enough 😂

Buy a 12 pack (or more) of newborn baby wipes - you’ll use them super fast and won’t then need to keep remembering to get more. Also, buy 45 rolls of loo paper from Amazon - save you remembering. Also, buy a few 1pnts of milk to freeze and then you won’t run out in the first few days. Buy multiple tins of baked beans for beans on toast- then you’ll always have a quick nutritious snack on hand if needed.

Make some freezer ‘dump bags’ now in this last month - easy one pot casserole type stuff you can whack it all in (raw) large freezer bags and freeze and then bung it in the slow cooker (recommend if you don’t have one) to cook through the day after defrosting it overnight.

If you’re bottle feeding, try and create a little feeding station so all your cleaning stuff and bottles is all in one place - then if your family or Dh needs to make some up, it’ll all be ready & easy to find.

Whilst there are pro’s to a C-section (I had an EMCS for 1st DD), remember it’s a big op and you’ll need to look after yourself afterwards and for the weeks to come. Some women bounce back pretty quick but some don’t and it can be frustrating not being able to do quite as much as you hoped.

Make time to nest with your baby and DH and say no to visitors if you’re not feeling up to it. If you need an excuse, just say “I’ve got a midwife/health visitor appointment this morning”.

Enjoy your new baby once they arrive! 😊

This is one I always seem to come across suuuuuch differing opinions on! We would be lost without our changing station, and we actually set it up in the baby's room, not even in the living area. Everyone told us we'd never use it, it was too far away, and we'd never walk down to it. Have used it for every nappy I've changed at home. 😂😂 Others never touched theirs! Funny, isn't it!!

friend Of mine nearly died with a c section……twice!,

it’s got huge health implications….

That doesn't matter. No one knows how a CS will affect her any more than they can tell her what kind of vaginal birth she will have. It's a risk either way. She has chosen the one she wants to take. As for breastfeeding or formula feeding, well she has a pretty involved partner so doing half the feeds is less work than doing all the feeds is it not? She'll have more freedom than she would with a baby hanging off her breast all day. But if your DH is useless then obviously breastfeeding would be easier for you.

The big one for me is don't expect too much. I had vastly different newborn experiences, it really is luck of the draw. And get ready for a whole new level of patience both with baby and your partner. Your partner is your biggest support but at times you will annoy each other.

My tips would be:

Get some little syringes (the hospital gave me mine) to hand express your colostrum so you can give that to baby even if you're then going to bottle feed.

Nappy changing stations both upstairs and downstairs.

In the first couple of weeks while I was recovering I slept in vests and leggings. Then if I had the midwife or health visitor round first thing in the morning I could just chuck on a cardigan and look half decent (even if I was technically in my PJs.) Then shower/change later when I had more time.

Batch cook and fill the freezer with food that is easy to reheat and eat one handed if necessary.

Get baby used to being put down as early as possible. I kept the moses basket downstairs and would lay DDs in that for all naps and if I needed to do something. I never wore them in a sling, always in a pram out and about and in the moses basket/baby bouncer at home. Obviously loads of cuddles and interaction when they're awake but put down for all sleep. I swear they were easier and settled better because they weren't used to constantly being held. My sister couldn't even go to the loo without taking her baby in a sling......sod that!

Please please research c sections

medically they aren’t better than a VB……I’m just concerned at your views. My daughter is a midwife and she’s seen much more life long injuries from c sections…..

I used a prep machine and it was AMAZING!!!!

Pop in the water, pop in the powder and press the button, 3 minutes later you have your bottle. Formula used to be faffy but its not now, so don't believe them when they say breast is easier.

Like you, I didn't want to breastfeed and thank goodness I didn't as it was brilliant. Me amd the husband took it in turns to do the night feeds so we could both get rested and when we were out we just made up a couple of bottles and put them in the thermal holders. They were good for the day.

We also didn't bother warming up the bottles before giving them to our babies, they took the bottle at room temperature and saved us a lot of faff.

Prepare yourself for the breast is best brigade that will try amd shame you for bottle feeding. Even some health visitors will try and tell you that you shouldnt be using the prep machine (where as others think its brilliant but addmitted to ke they are not alowed to promote bottle feeding!) and everyone will ask about breastfeeding. Be prepared for it, when the health visitors asked at weigh in if they were bottle or breast I would ask them to guess if my baby was breast or formula fed and If they could tell the diffrence. They couldn't and would stop enquiring.

One other big tip is take in to the hospital the ready made Formula in the ready to drink bottles with the teats. That way as soon as the little one comes out of that sunroof he/she can have a drink with dad while you get sorted.

All the best, you'll ace it.

I've had both an emergency section and a planned section, found the planned section really easy to recover from in comparison. Just take it easy and keep up with your pain relief.

I also found bottle feeding miles easier than breast feeding. For all those saying that they couldn't imagine getting out of bed for feeds in the night, I've never once done that. I just take a sterilised bottle and a pre-made formula up with me before bed, when they start stirring pour the milk into the bottle and you are ready to feed them in seconds. Plus you don't have to do every night feed so I always got a good chunk of sleep as did my husband. Very quickly both of my babies went to 5 feeds in a 24 hour period so I just washed the sterilised bottles once a day, takes seconds and again, anyone can do it so often my mum or MIL did if they were over when my husband was at work. My mental health wasn't great when breast feeding as I felt the pressure being all on me was far too much when adjusting to such a huge change in my life. I only managed to start bonding with my babies once I stopped trying to breast feed. Prep machine for during the day plus mam bottles that you can sterilise in the microwave definitely makes life easy plus pre made formula for night feeds. White noise machine of some sort, we use our Alexa, can set it on a loop so it plays for 12 hours. Both our babies have Alexas in their room for this reason but also handy for things like nursery rhymes when playing in their during the day.

A bouncer/chair of some sort in the bathroom, I use mine multiple times a day whilst I shower, use the toilet, brush teeth, wash hands, it's a handy safe place to put them down when you need to. Good luck with everything when the baby arrives

@Animallover87 congratulations !!

keep off Mummy life style blogs and perfect instagram mum profiles. All they do is make you compare yourself. And it’s all bullshit
Use mumsnet if you need help and reassurance.

1. Dont compare yourself to anyone
2. trust your instincts (you know your baby the most)
3. fuck off any unsolicited advice.

Absolutely, the lack of informed decision making over major abdominal surgery is astounding.

Definitely this ^. I breastfed both of mine because I am, basically, a lazy person.

Preach this!!!!!! Shout it from the rooftops!!! 👏👏👏

@Lorieandrews why on earth would you think she hasn't researched it?! To choose an elective-csec you have to have quite a lot of talks and consultations and she will absolutely have done her own research to even ask for one in the first place. It's patronising to imagine she hasn't. Also, there are no studies that yet compare outcomes of elective c-sections with vaginal births, only all c-secs which is majority emergency ones, which obviously have much higher rates of complications as they are not preformed under optimal conditions and usually on distressed babies and exhausted mothers. The only study that has even come close to being able to compare elective c-sections with vaginal births showed no difference in outcomes, although the data is hard to read as the numbers are so different. Hopefully more research will be done on this over time which will prove what many medical professionals know to be true.

Do you have anyone nearby or who can come stay when DH goes back to work? Hopefully you’ll be well on the way to recovered from the c-section by then but it will still be a big change for you both when he goes back to work, especially if he’s been very hand on up until then.
Have a think about how demanding (or not) his job is and how he functions on poor sleep when you’re planning night time arrangements for when he goes back.

It sounds like you've got quite a few bases covered.
I second batch cooking now so you have options for when you need them.

Also, arranging a cleaner for the first few weeks or months may be a lifesaver.

@ReadingSoManyThreads What evidence from this thread makes you declare OP hasn't made an informed decision?

My two pennies worth having it all very fresh in my mind.

I don't think you can avoid the hardship of the newborn stage and the shock of new motherhood. Even when you've tried to control all the variables.

Sometimes it pulls the rug out from under the most prepared, the most 'naturally' maternal among us.

So to be honest, it's best to keep an open mind about the details.

Bottles and formula are a faff because of the sterilising palava, so if by a stroke of luck you find breastfeeding easy then it makes sense to do that. If you find it hard physically or mentally, then formula is there for you.

C-section is undeniably more difficult to recover from and imo vagina birth is one of the peak human experiences, however it goes (and most are straightforward you just don't hear about it).

All of the other stuff like batch cooking beforehand etc is great but the one thing that will keep you sane is having a supportive partner with whom you have hashed out the details of what you both want parenting and your lives moving forward to look like.

For example. Your division of labour and childcare. How will you cultivate intimacy in your relationship beyond sex. What are your families core values - what's important to you. Are you both on the same page about baby sleep and parent sleep? Anything else you're worried about going in to this new phase.

All of this stuff gets renegotiated many times along the way, but so important to talk about it in advance so that you always something to refer back to and keep open communication.

And number one advice, give each other grace.

That's what will save your mental health!

I didn’t quote any studies? So not sure why you’re saying that. I’m quoting it from my daughters work…..I also work with women with a certain illness after birth myself…again not studies

also we don’t know if she has researched it and we also don’t know if she’s in the uk. Those are things we need to think about too.. might make a difference

❤️

Be open minded about changing your mind about any of it! Hormones play a part and you have zero idea how you'll feel about breastfeeding until you are holding a baby. DS basically threw himself and my boob and it was an almost instinctive thing and i found i actually wanted to do it and enjoyed it, it was definitely the easier option (i say that having had to do some bottles with second dc2 for various reasons). Same with position of crib etc. You might feel really different so leave yourself flexibility with choices

Oh and i hated my planned c section vs my vaginal birth too. You just don't know how you'll feel so go with the flow.