Being reluctant to go to PIL house or go out anywhere with them

[Unintentionallycausingoffence]

We see PIL at our house as it’s safe and secure for DS but at the moment I am reluctant to go out anywhere or go their home as they are lax on safety particularly FIL, AIBU not wanting to go over there at the moment?

We’re going to need more context.

Dangerous because of their gun collection or … ?

Depends on what you mean by safety.

Surely if you go out anywhere or go to their home you'll be the one keeping an eye on your ds though.

We take DS out with ourselves or my DF and visit DPs house.

It completly depends on why you think they're lax on safety. Without context it's impossible to know.

What is usafe at their house. Why can't you go out with them. If you are there you supervise

How unsafe is it? Why is it unsafe?

Why do you think it's unsafe op?

Age of child?

YABU

You need to say exactly what is the safety issue. I notice you also say 'go out anywhere'. What is that issue?

We need more info OP.

What is unsafe about them, their house?

What does " I am reluctant to go out anywhere " mean?

If you feel uncomfortable and are not ready then its fine to delay.

What’s your DH‘s opinion? Does he feel like he was brought up in unsafe conditions?
What are PIL doing that mean you wouldn’t feel safe going on a family outing together?

My ils amazed me they got 2 dc to adulthood... Upstairs windows open. Tablets on beside cabinets. Fire on full blast. Chip pan always well above fill level and on at every visit.
Whenever we went I directed dh to manage the dc. He was the one refusing to rectify these issues... I did however spell out dc would never be sleeping there to mil. Wasn't dealing with all the rest of it though.

Do they leave steak knives on the floor?

By 'lax on safety' what do you mean?

If you mean they leave shotguns lying around, keep weedkiller in a Peppa Pig sippy cup and let your toddler play with a packet of razor blades then YANBU. If you mean they just don't have a fire guard or child locks on the cupboards, then you're being utterly ridiculous.

Either way, I don't see why you can't go anywhere with them. Surely if you go out for the day with your child and your PILs, you are going to places that are appropriate for kids and keeping an eye on your kid yourself? The presence of your PILs while you're walking around the zoo or whatever do not suddenly mean the outing is more dangerous than it would have been if you'd taken DS on your own?!

I'm guessing you've got a toddler and your PiL don't have a stair gate? Without context it's tricky to know. For short visits where you can supervise, I think it's unreasonable to expect them to put in a stair gate / fireguard or whatever. I think it's partly generational, we seem to be getting more risk averse compared with 20/30 years ago.

The is normal unsafe and there is you are totally paranoid and have major issues unsafe, which is it?

Mainly FIL taking him out alone or with DH to somewhere he could they could easily lose him or something terrible could happen as they won’t look after him properly, DH will be too busy chatting to FIL.

I think they don’t always lock doors and open big windows

Surely your DH is competent enough to cope with looking after his own son?!

Are you saying you don't trust your DH to look after his own child?

So you think your FIL and DH are incompetent? Don't you think your FIL managed to bring your DH up OK? Are you normally anxious? Is your FIL a normally good,kind person? Does he generally do sensible things? Is your DH the same? Because at the moment I think this is anxiety talking.

How old is your child? Because if they are a baby or toddler either you or DH should be staying close to them when you go out anyway. Not many places are truly child safe and there could be unexpected hazards anywhere you go. I don't see why you can't visit the in-laws if there are two of you supervising one child.

Blimey this thread is hard work