Being reluctant to go to PIL house or go out anywhere with them

[Unintentionallycausingoffence]

We see PIL at our house as it’s safe and secure for DS but at the moment I am reluctant to go out anywhere or go their home as they are lax on safety particularly FIL, AIBU not wanting to go over there at the moment?

Do you suffer from anxiety in general?
Has it worsened since having children?

It sounds like you are very anxious.

Do you take your child out yourself? If so, invite ILs to come along to the places you feel are safe.

If you don't go out at all- you maybe need to address how you are feeling. But also yes just have in-laws over to yours at the moment.

You sound very anxious. Why can't you watch out for your child at your in-laws house the same way you would anywhere else?

Do you let your DH take your child out?

One parent isn't 'let' by the other parent to take their child out, it's their right and to prevent it is bullying, unless their is genuine concern, not just a neurotic mother.

This makes no sense. Do they have live munitions lying about? You’d be supervising your DC in their house presumably so just go there with him.

As for not trusting your DH with DC. Well either you have a huge anxiety problem or you have an absolute twat for a husband and I think you need to consider going it alone.

I am well aware of that but as the OP has said she thinks her DH and FIL might lose the DC its a valid question.

Sounds as if it's your dh that's the issue. Could you say some more about it?

Age of child, and husband.

So this issue isn’t really your in-laws but your husband?

You have to remind yourself that your PIL managed to raise your dh to adulthood

You sound very over anxious. Your dh is as equal a parent as you are. He may parent differently but he's still responsible.

You need to work on your anxiety. You are being unreasonable

Do you think your DH would describe your parenting as over protective and overkill on the safety front? Is he really likely to sit talking to his dad and allow his child to run in the road?? If you can genuinely answer yes then you might need to have a discussion about his parenting. If not, perhaps have a think about your own anxieties around safety.

All children need to be allowed to take some risk, relative to their age. It's how they learn to manage risk.

Isn't it!

If you're not comfortable leaving DC at their house without you being there, that's kind of fair enough. But not being willing to go ANYWHERE with them? That sounds a bit odd tbh. That makes it sounds like they are deliberately pushing your child into the road, or throwing him off multistory carparks.

There's clearly a lot more going on here than you've said. Are YOU okay OP?

So if your DH was too busy to watch his own child and lost him it would somehow be your inlaw's fault?

And what does locking doors and windows have to do with anything?
I don't know anyone who sits in their house during the day with locked doors and windows.

You sound very irrational.

Mainly FIL taking him out alone or with DH to somewhere he could they could easily lose him or something terrible could happen as they won’t look after him properly, DH will be too busy chatting to FIL

So, the problem is you have a DH who can’t look after his child properly, and little to do with the in-laws?

Sounds like maybe you have anxiety or a mental health condition here - it’s hard to tell.

How old is your DC? I think that’s important context here. If taking a 5 year old to the park then obviously you can chat but keep an eye from where you’re sat, an 18 month old obviously needs a lot more attention. But it is odd that your don’t trust your partner with his own child, or is it just specifically when he’s with FIL?

Leaving windows open would really concern me. My parents leave their upstairs windows open but have child locks on all of them, both for my DCs safety and their dogs. Doors unlocked I think depends on age again, over 5 then surely they know not to go walking out of them.

Mainly FIL taking him out alone or with DH to somewhere he could they could easily lose him or something terrible could happen as they won’t look after him properly, DH will be too busy chatting to FIL.

your DH is the issue not your in laws.

I think they don’t always lock doors and open big windows

keep an eye on your DC and don’t let them fall out the window.

there’s we go. Problem solved 🙄

I assumed the OP meant leaving doors unlocked and upstairs windows open and then letting a young child wander round without much supervision, which I don’t think is irrational, depending on the child’s age.

And sadly there are plenty of those around. The child is MINE MINE MINE. Dad isn't an equal parent. All MINE.

Your husband should be able to care for, and he trusted to care for, his child.

Why are you making this about his parents if you had a child with a man you don’t trust?

@Unintentionallycausingoffence To get the best out of this thread you need to give some clear examples of how they provide an unsafe environment and let us know how old your child is.

It sounds like it is more about the OP to me? They have stated they "are reluctant to go out anywhere".

Or maybe the inlaws have a bear-baiting pit in the front room.