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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is being unreasonable - gift

121 replies

ThatFraggle · 16/07/2023 22:55

Not about me, but friends. Person's partner bought them a gift set for a birthday. Think of something like a 'star sign' bundle. (The bundle is bought complete, and it was not someone shopping for different things to make a bundle).

Some of the things were bath bombs etc, which say things like 'grapefruit scented for a feisty Leo' or whatever, but can of course be used by anyone, but other things are, e.g. a Leo candle, a card that says strong Leo etc.

Except - 1.
They got the date wrong somehow and it's for the wrong starsign.

And - 2.

The person receiving the gift thinks horroscopes are a load of bollocks.

The person giving the gift says that they should be grateful/thankful to have been given a gift, and they spent like £50 on it.

The recipient says that the gift shows how little they think of them, and know them so little, that they are thinking of ending things. No kids involved. A couple of years relationship.

OP posts:

ErrolTheDragon · 16/07/2023 22:57

Both of them.

whiteroseredrose · 16/07/2023 22:59

I'd be cross if after two years my DP didn't appear to know me at all. I would hate that stuff, bath bombs, candles etc, and DH knows it. What would be the point in buying something that they know you don't like?

rwalker · 16/07/2023 23:00

They took the time to get a gift they got the star sign wrong surely they got the date right as they gave them a gift on there birthday

I’d find it funny but by the sounds of it things aren’t great so they will be looking for anything to find fault and have a go

WaitingfortheTardis · 16/07/2023 23:02

I think the horoscopes being a load of rubbish isn't the end of the world if the contents had been things the recipient would usually like. Getting the wrong birth date is ridiculous but a little funny too really, it may show a lack of thought or could just be a silly mistake. I've accidentally bought my mum a birthday card for mother's day before now though, not due to lack of thought, I just somehow got it wrong.

Original poster

ThatFraggle · 16/07/2023 23:02

whiteroseredrose · 16/07/2023 22:59

The recipient doesn't mind bath bombs, candles, etc. but they are more of a meh, stocking filler sort of gift requiring little thought.

OP posts:

TheShellBeach · 16/07/2023 23:04

He is being unreasonable, getting her a gift he didn't think carefully about.
I'd be the same if my boyfriend got me something he knew I despised.

ThinWomansBrain · 16/07/2023 23:05

got the wrong starsign on purpose =, knowing the recipient thins horoscopes are bollocks?

Does sound crap.

Namechange863625 · 16/07/2023 23:05

Both are wrong

It's such an Earth sign thing to not believe in astrology

Archeron · 16/07/2023 23:07

If the recipient doesn’t believe in star signs then why does it matter if it’s the wrong bundle? One bath bomb is the same as another, they don’t believe there’s a difference?

Unless the real complaint is that their partner bought them something they don’t like. In which case they’d dislike it even if it was the “right” star sign. And tbh they sound ungrateful, they should be happy to get a gift at all.

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 16/07/2023 23:10

If they bought it last minute then YANBU
No thought, wrong sign, saw it and thought, that'll do and got it all wrong

If they put the thought in but got the star sign wrong (even if it's not really their 'thing') it's still an appropriate if safe gift a bit off the mark but not I'm leaving you bad YABU

Original poster

ThatFraggle · 16/07/2023 23:10

rwalker · 16/07/2023 23:00

They took the time to get a gift they got the star sign wrong surely they got the date right as they gave them a gift on there birthday

I’d find it funny but by the sounds of it things aren’t great so they will be looking for anything to find fault and have a go

They said happy birthday on the right day, but maybe at the time of ordering they had the wrong date in mind, or were sloppy about translating which gift to which sign.

Not to drop feed, but the recipient (Ann, fake names obvs) is known for getting people very thoughtful gifts, not necessarily expensive, but things which require a lot of thought. E.g. one friend (Jill) is a midwife. Jill kept in touch with the family of the first baby they delivered (Bonnie). So when Jill retired, Ann got a photo card of that first baby Bonnie with a nice message.

OP posts:

Unicorn2022 · 16/07/2023 23:10

I don't believe in any of that horoscope bollocks either.

Mind you, I would say that as I'm a typical Aries.

Talipesmum · 16/07/2023 23:11

The gift buyer is the most in the wrong, for not apologising for buying (a) a date specific gift for the totally wrong date, (b) a horoscope themed gift for someone who doesn’t like horoscopes and (c) not being sheepish and apologising for screwing up the already poorly chosen gift.

The recipient is a bit churlish for criticising a gift BUT spending £50 on generic poorly inappropriately themed tat is not a good excuse and frankly does imply that the giver has no idea about the recipient’s tastes and has infuriatingly wasted good money on a generic crap gift. This might not be a problem if the giver was a distant aunt or something, but your partner should be able to choose better. Also might not be a problem if despite being a crappy gift giver, the partner was otherwise delightful, thoughtful and did show they know and love the recipient in other ways.

whiteroseredrose · 16/07/2023 23:11

It's a bit like getting a Manchester United bath bomb and candle etc for a person that hates football and lives in Liverpool!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/07/2023 23:13

I think it is thoughtless and pretty crap, but it’s also so crap it’s quite funny. So I’m on the fence.

VeniVidiWeeWee · 16/07/2023 23:18

@Talipesmum

Kudos.

Subtle.

Precipice · 16/07/2023 23:26

Partner is unreasonable for getting a 'gift' that has nothing to do with the recipient's interests and in particular appears 'misdirected'.

Even if the recipient doesn't care about astrological signs, it doesn't follow that it's no difference to get tat with the right or wrong astrological sign. If the recipient doesn't like stuff personalised with name, it's still a bad and thoughtless gift to get something saying 'Katie' for a Janet.

bridgetreilly · 16/07/2023 23:28

The recipient’s brilliance at getting oversentimentalised perfect gifts does not mean that her partner has to be good at the same thing as her. She is definitely being an entitled twat.

UndercoverCop · 16/07/2023 23:32

I'd be annoyed DH had wasted £50 on inaccurate tat/nonsense, but then again I am a Gemini

BettyRoodBoy · 16/07/2023 23:34

Lazy, shit present.

Totaly · 16/07/2023 23:38

I wouldn’t want bath bombs or similar crap - or candles -

DH would be made to send it back and buy me something I’d actually asked for! Usually with a big hit and a photo!

JenniferBarkley · 16/07/2023 23:39

From a friend I'd roll my eyes inwardly but say thank you. From a partner that's a really shit present with zero thought and I'd actually be quite hurt. I'm not demanding wrt presents, happy with chocolates or a meal out or lots of other easy things, but that sounds awful.

GardeningIdiot · 16/07/2023 23:39

The person giving the gift says that they should be grateful/thankful to have been given a gift, and they spent like £50 on it.

This is shitty behaviour.

madeinmanc · 16/07/2023 23:40

It would depend on the wider context of the extent to which the gift-giver has given thoughtful gifts in the past, how caring they are, how they are as a partner etc.

PurplePansy05 · 16/07/2023 23:43

It sounds like that person is passing on an unwanted gift tbh.

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