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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable - gift

121 replies

ThatFraggle · 16/07/2023 22:55

Not about me, but friends. Person's partner bought them a gift set for a birthday. Think of something like a 'star sign' bundle. (The bundle is bought complete, and it was not someone shopping for different things to make a bundle).

Some of the things were bath bombs etc, which say things like 'grapefruit scented for a feisty Leo' or whatever, but can of course be used by anyone, but other things are, e.g. a Leo candle, a card that says strong Leo etc.

Except - 1.
They got the date wrong somehow and it's for the wrong starsign.

And - 2.

The person receiving the gift thinks horroscopes are a load of bollocks.

The person giving the gift says that they should be grateful/thankful to have been given a gift, and they spent like £50 on it.

The recipient says that the gift shows how little they think of them, and know them so little, that they are thinking of ending things. No kids involved. A couple of years relationship.

OP posts:
Jongleterre · 16/07/2023 23:47

Sounds like they found it on a train and didn't hand it in.

Hawkins0001 · 16/07/2023 23:50

It's a mix of perspectives

GardeningIdiot · 16/07/2023 23:57

Jongleterre · 16/07/2023 23:47

Sounds like they found it on a train and didn't hand it in.

👏 👏

BrunoMarzipan · 16/07/2023 23:59

How long have the partners been together? I'm on the cusp of a star sign, so I can understand a new partner just using the date.

But I'm also thinking, £50 On candles and bath bombs sounds like those shite mother's day or Valentine's baskets you get on Facebook, and just makes me think of getting thrush and having a scented candle you'll never use stuck in the back of the cupboard for the school tombola tbh.

But I also think the other friend is a bit strange for giving a present of the first baby she delivered. I wouldn't like that if I was the parent, whether they kept in touch or not. Did no-one ask what she wanted?

Gagaandgag · 17/07/2023 00:05

Hahah loving this thread

TedMullins · 17/07/2023 00:14

I’d be absolutely furious and disappointed if my partner got me such a thoughtless gift and similarly would be shocked at how little they knew me. I’m team recipient 100%

WildUnchartedWaters · 17/07/2023 00:17

ThatFraggle · 16/07/2023 23:10

They said happy birthday on the right day, but maybe at the time of ordering they had the wrong date in mind, or were sloppy about translating which gift to which sign.

Not to drop feed, but the recipient (Ann, fake names obvs) is known for getting people very thoughtful gifts, not necessarily expensive, but things which require a lot of thought. E.g. one friend (Jill) is a midwife. Jill kept in touch with the family of the first baby they delivered (Bonnie). So when Jill retired, Ann got a photo card of that first baby Bonnie with a nice message.

Show quote history

What does ann buying her midwife pal nice presents have to do with her relationship...?

WildUnchartedWaters · 17/07/2023 00:19

But if someone would end a relationship over their partner not knowing their star sign...well, each to their own.

WildUnchartedWaters · 17/07/2023 00:19

Btw, youd be as well telling us you are anne. 🤣

ImustLearn2Cook · 17/07/2023 00:28

Your friend is upset at the thoughtlessness and attitude her partner has towards her. Fair enough. It’s not really about the gift itself, just what it represents. She is not being unreasonable.

Saschka · 17/07/2023 00:37

I’d consider dumping anyone with such poor financial sense that they spent £50 on a bath bomb gift set that sounds like it came from the bargain bin in Wilkos.

But I agree with a PP that this probably wouldn’t be an issue if the relationship wasn’t already on shaky ground.

Saschka · 17/07/2023 00:40

Saschka · 17/07/2023 00:37

I’d consider dumping anyone with such poor financial sense that they spent £50 on a bath bomb gift set that sounds like it came from the bargain bin in Wilkos.

But I agree with a PP that this probably wouldn’t be an issue if the relationship wasn’t already on shaky ground.

I also think he is lying - I can see several “zodiac bath sets” on Not on the High Street, Etsy and Amazon, and they are all around £15, not £50.

Saschka · 17/07/2023 00:42

Jongleterre · 16/07/2023 23:47

Sounds like they found it on a train and didn't hand it in.

Actually sounds a lot like a raffle present - has the partner been to a school summer fair recently?

Original poster
ThatFraggle · 17/07/2023 00:44

> What does ann buying her midwife pal nice presents have to do with her relationship...?

It shows that Ann listens, and has recalled the conversations about Bonnie being her first delivery. It's not a stalkerish thing, more of a village thing. So Ann says to Bonnie, "Jill is retiring, could you send me a photo and I'll make a card." So Bonnie sent a newborn photo and a photo of her and Jill together to Ann's phone. Ann then made one of those Moonpig type cards.

The point is that the card cost about £5, but it showed Ann listening to Jill, and then putting some effort in to make a gift she knew Jill would love.

I don't know if you buy into love languages, but Ann's is definitely gifts.

I used the example to show that the 'found in lost property' gift, is very different from the kinds of gifts her partner has received from her.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatFraggle · 17/07/2023 00:45

>How long have the partners been together?

About 2 years.

OP posts:
Threenow · 17/07/2023 00:46

Archeron · 16/07/2023 23:07

If the recipient doesn’t believe in star signs then why does it matter if it’s the wrong bundle? One bath bomb is the same as another, they don’t believe there’s a difference?

Unless the real complaint is that their partner bought them something they don’t like. In which case they’d dislike it even if it was the “right” star sign. And tbh they sound ungrateful, they should be happy to get a gift at all.

I agree, if it's all stuff that could be used by anyone what does it matter. They do sound ungrateful. Just because the recipient is a thoughtful gift buyer that doesn't mean they can be rude about things which might not show so much thought, but are a gift all the same. Some people are just not good at choosing gifts.

GardeningIdiot · 17/07/2023 00:50

Some people are just not good at choosing gifts.

Because they can't be arsed, @Threenow. And it shows.

KT1995 · 17/07/2023 00:52

Partner is unreasonable for getting a gift and thinking she should be grateful because of the amount.

I wouldn't be grateful for £50 of Bournville if a partner after 2 years cba to remember what choc I actually liked.

It's the thought that counts apparently, of which very little was put in

SD1978 · 17/07/2023 01:28

Wrong star sign and not what the receiver would actually want. It's a filler gift, regardless of the price for someone you don't know that well- unless specified all 'smelly stuff' sets fall in that category. How many times do you end up with smelly stuff sets by people who barely know you- it's a relatively safe anonymous gift- allegedly. Although usually you'll have 2-3 of these sets minimum depending on age sitting in the cupboard under the sink. If this is just another example of ways they don't think about you- then maybe you do need to reconsider the relationship.

k1233 · 17/07/2023 02:10

It's interesting how people see things differently isn't it. Personally I'd see it as a contemptuous gift, reflective of my partner not caring enough to find a gift I would like. Cost is not the issue. I've found people the perfect gift for small amounts. It's perfect because it's something I knew they would love, and they did. So I suppose I look at the intent behind the gift. If it's a tick box exercise from a partner then I take offence.

BlushBlue · 17/07/2023 02:19

Depends how the rest of the relationship is

toffeeappleglow · 17/07/2023 02:30

I don't think I'd end a relationship over a gift of that sort, though it would annoy me that he spent so much on crap he should have known I wouldn't like (and wasn't bright enough to even get the right sign). If this is the tip of the iceberg and he's lacking in other ways, however, it's not really about the gift.

Maybe they're just not right for each other. He may not care as much about gifts as she does and feel that she's being demanding and overly critical. Not everyone is good at gifts, and that doesn't necessarily mean they don't care and can't be good partners in most other ways.

Winter2020 · 17/07/2023 02:35

I wouldn't determine how I felt about a relationship from one birthday gift.

This in the context of a bad relationship = bad. In the context of a good relationship = no big deal.

ImNotReallySpartacus · 17/07/2023 02:46

I could overlook the rubbish gift more easily than being told I should be grateful for it.

Dibbydoos · 17/07/2023 02:49

We are an entitled and ungrateful lot aren't we?

Our 1st Christmas together and my DH bought me perfume the shop assistant liked, it was heavy and cloggy - I hated it. But I didn't say anything because I didnt want to hurt his feelings. When he bought a srcond bottle 🙄 even though I'd never worn it. I then told him it wasn't my type of perfume but I knew someone who'd like it. He was upset I was giving it away, but accepted what I did. Your DF could do the same with her pressie.