Who is being unreasonable - gift

[ThatFraggle]

Not about me, but friends. Person's partner bought them a gift set for a birthday. Think of something like a 'star sign' bundle. (The bundle is bought complete, and it was not someone shopping for different things to make a bundle).

Some of the things were bath bombs etc, which say things like 'grapefruit scented for a feisty Leo' or whatever, but can of course be used by anyone, but other things are, e.g. a Leo candle, a card that says strong Leo etc.

Except - 1.
They got the date wrong somehow and it's for the wrong starsign.

And - 2.

The person receiving the gift thinks horroscopes are a load of bollocks.

The person giving the gift says that they should be grateful/thankful to have been given a gift, and they spent like £50 on it.

The recipient says that the gift shows how little they think of them, and know them so little, that they are thinking of ending things. No kids involved. A couple of years relationship.

My ex always got me the worst gifts. Once he got me a paperback book for my birthday.
I mean, from the market. In the bag. With the receipt. No thought, no care, nothing.

So he suggested that I choose my gifts and he’d get them.

He didn’t put any more thought or care into them but I got the best gifts after that.

This

It's a shit gift .
The moral of the story is always give men a steer at gift buying .

It’s quite a thoughtless present, I wouldn’t be impressed with this either

even though I'd never worn it.

That's where the laziness shows. He doesn't care to notice his gift was unopened, and has now become 'your gift'.

I generally am not that fussed over presents, DH and I don’t bother much any more but I generally think it is the thought that counts. But I have to say, this does seem particularly crap and I would not be pleased if my husband could not remember the date of my birthday or my star sign (even though neither of us are particularly interested in horoscopes). So the buyer has been a bit rubbish here.

If there are no other relationship issues then I think it a bit much to end the relationship over, but it might be the straw that broke the Camel’s back 🤷🏻‍♀️

Did the set come from an American website where the dates are the wrong way around.
Date of birth (for example) January 8th…
In English 8.1
In American 1.8
So you would get the wrong Starsign if you typed the date in.
Personally if their relationship is good in general this is something to laugh about.

The gift probably isn't the issue, it'll be the straw the broke the camel's back. It'll come after a couple of years of not being listened to and not being priorities.

It’s just a birthday present. I don’t get what the big deal is

This ☝🏼

My DH has bought some truly shit presents over the years, which makes him an arsehole according to MN shit at buying presents - no more, no less. He's still kind, and supportive, and funny, and shows that he knows me in less superficial ways than buying me perfect presents ffs.

So the partner has bought a terrible present, so what?! They've made one less-than-perfect judgement over the course of a two year relationship so the recipient should LTB?! Lunacy

It's an opportunity to show care and affection.

Fine if you don't do birthdays, but you should then be then doing 'birthday equivalent things' throughout the year: I bought this book I thought you would like; here are tickets to that comedian who made you wet yourself laughing.

I agree with a previous poster that it is unlikely that he spent £50 on it. No one would pay that much for generic smelly stuff.

I also agree that getting the star sign wrong could be funny under some circumstances. But why on earth should she be grateful for something she doesn’t want when he clearly put no thought into it. I’d be hurt too. And his attitude would make it worse.

It's a disappointing gift, but if other aspects of the relationship are good, it's an overreaction to end things because of this. If it's a 'last straw' situation in a bad relationship, fair enough.

I'd say (when his birthday was coming up) 'why don't we choose presents together from now on' to avoid the same thing happening next year.

I bet he got it cheap or free and just didn't worry about the fact that the sign was wrong.

If my DH had bought this for me I'd be disappointed. Firstly it sounds like a waste of money; overpriced tat which someone has curated and packaged and added £25 for the pleasure. Secondly it's the wrong star sign. I don't believe in astrology but I wouldn't mind getting a Leo themed gift, but if I got the wrong one I'd think that was quite shit. This isn't a good gift at all; but breaking up over it is crazy behaviour.

But you have just shown yourself to be ungrateful in your post! You GAVE away a gift your H had lovingly bought you. How rude.

He "accepted what I did" Didn't have a choice did he?

Why not be honest in the first place and tell him, save him wasting his money - twice.

If you don't notice that the perfume is unused by the person you live with, then you're paying zero attention.

And relationships are all about paying attention.

I think after 2 years the gift buyer should have known better. My partner is a functional gift buyer, not romantic in the least but I appreciate the gifts. Hook for removing wellies, a Creuset casserole dish, a ring doorbell, a wine carafe.

I get this. It is genuinely not about the gift itself, but the thought that is behind it.

The thought on this one isn't personalised for their partner- it sounds like they've never professed to being interested in horoscopes so it becomes generic. The fact they also got the horoscope wrong is a whole other thing, as either they knew the right one but chose the wrong one by accident (forgivable, but doesn't sound like that happened here) or they didn't put enough research into it to get the right one. So it is a bit of a lazy present.

Your friend is not remiss for feeling disappointed. Her partner's reaction is understandable as he paid out for the present- but perhaps needs a calm conversation with your friend that she can say while she appreciates receiving a gift, she is a bit upset that the thought behind it is a bit careless.

If your 'friend' the 'recipient' thinks that astrology is a load of bollocks (which it is), then why is she/they/whatever all steamed up about the partner getting their 'star sign' wrong? Sounds a bit high-maintenance. If it was my partner I might just laugh, note that it was £50 worth of stuff, and maybe even think they were being ironic (which I like). Better than a bunch of flowers and a big bar of Galaxy from a petrol station. Even better still if it was a half price offer and I liked the stuff. Still, everybody's different...

It would be over for me

It's a clueless gift, but I think it's more the fact that he's told her she should be grateful that's the problem. And of course it's all about context and what the rest of their relationship's like. Is this part of a pattern? Is he usually a dickhead?

If my DP had bought me this, I wouldn't care about horoscopes being bollocks or anything; I don't think that matters really. But I'd laugh about him getting the star sign wrong and say 'Er, mate... you do know I'm not a Leo, right? You absolute doofus' and he'd be incredibly apologetic and embarrassed because it would have been a genuine mistake on his part, and he'd probably offer to take it back or get me something else and I'd say no because he'd bought in good faith and the fuck-up would just make me chuckle every time I used it. I wouldn't have been arsey about the mistake (because I know him well enough to know he would have meant well and genuinely believed it was right and a good gift) and he wouldn't have been arsey about me pointing out the error.

So I think maybe focusing on the actual gift might be the wrong emphasis, and she needs to look at the rest of the relationship.

Come on now people. Guessing here, the giver is a man, and the receiver is a woman. This is a typical man thing to do. If you are an Aquarius, will bath gel in Leo packaging burn your skin like acid? It sounds like there's more at work here, and the receiver doesn't care that much about the giver and is being a drama queen.

>why is she getting steamed up about the wrong sign?

Because it's more evidence of not giving a fuck.

1. Knows gifts are important to the recipient and the giver has themselves received lovely, thoughtful gifts in line with their interests.

1. No thought in getting something they have expressed interest in.

1. Sloppy in getting the 'wrong' thing. Pp's examples: a Liverpool mug for someone living in Manchester, who isn't interested in football; A Best Grandad mug for a woman; a 'Katie' keyring for Kim.

As pp said, it smacks of contempt.