am I going mad? Has that nanny thread being deleted or did I dream it?

[Chequers]

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Does "PARP" qualify as an opinion? I don't think so.

I think it is.

Well, all things are relative. It wouldn't pass for intelligent comment in my family.

It is DaDaDa's opinion.

Greeny, wind your neck in FFs.

I do think / hope that nannies like Greeny's example are in the minority. Do we actually know any Mumsnetter that does this ?

Thanks page62.

You can't bring that example into a debate greeny, if it is so extreme from the daily lives of most mumsnetters.

Desi, when I said innocence it was in reference to part you played in the thread even being created. I was not suggesting you had had it deleted.

poor poor Desi... seems to be hard done by now.

You are the instigator here, not the victim!

blimey, what I wouldn't give to be able to outsource my children's upbringing every tea-time

I don't feel remotely hard done by, eleusis. I think you're in a very strange mood today, that's for sure.

Im with you Janni, my ds is more interested in the turned off tv than his dinner.

It's rarely wise to delete things in a free society but websites are free to do that if they choose and in general as I'm sure the Ms Ford debacle made clear to everyone "if in doubt delete" about just about anything.

I was out when it was deleted.I actually went into a supermarket, something I do about once a month at most to buy eggs and then it becomes something special and rare. It's funny how what is boring and dull changes if it becomes something you rarely do.

I tend to find some (not all) mothers at home feel a bit uncertain about their choice (for all kinds of in my view justifiable reasons) so they get a bit more upset than working mothers or may be the personality type that likes to stay home is more emotional and emotive anyway or perhaps they just have younger children on the whole which again tends to make you more emotional. However to require them therefore to be treated with kid gloves so as not to hurt their feelings would be wrong. Toughening them up would be good and would help them as they move towards teenage years when their children smell and swear and say they hate them on a regular basis (whether the mother worked or didn't work).

Do you think that one day we might have equal pay,equality of opportunity for all women, equal parental leave opportunity so that perhaps it won't have to be women who have to make all the tough choices and that perhaps we won't have these sorts of arguments??

How about we just say that:
If you want an nanny, have one
If you want one, dont
If you want/need to work, do
If you dont want to work then dont

And we leave it be?

Or am I just to hopeful?

The second line is meant to say "If you dont want one"

"Page62 there really ARE people like that"

but people are choosing to focus on them as if they are the norm. I don't know anyone with a nanny who does that. (from Kewcumber)

Kewcumber, where did I say that was the norm? eh?

stop quoting me out of context

I really don't know what keeps drawing you to these childcare threads, you've told us how happy you are with your childcare, whats the draw here for you?

Just to clarify, the thread was deleted following several members reporting it. We appreciate the point that the OP made, but we felt that it would have been better made on the thread she was referring to, or in more general terms. As the thread specifically referred to another poster we deleted it as it fell foul of our "personal attack" rules.

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idling, Labour is trying. They were going to introduce this year and then next some new paternity leave so men could have 6 months and women 6 months and they still plan to do that but it would not be non transferable so I don't see many men taking it and instead mothers taking a year is likely to continue. It's when it is lost to the family if the man doesn't take it that it has a practical impact in helping women get back to work and not being subject to moral pressure by their men and the state because only they the women are given the leave options.

May be we won't have the equality you write about for so long as more women than men request flexible working and stay home so in a sense the power is in women's hands to make husbands take the leave for the benefit of their daughters in the future.

Is it still going to be the statutory pay for paternity leave though? DP has been offered something like £122 per week and can have two weeks paid leave, I mean seriously £122!
He's using his holiday entitlement instead and just keeping the paternity leave for when I'm actually in labour.

That's exactly what women get after week 6. It's less than I earn in an hour. So it's only the poor or rich who can afford SMP or paternity pay.

VS - no idea tbh but I know dh only took one week of his paternity leave at the statutory pay level and one week's annual leave (iirc it was under £100 4 years ago).

Mind you when dd was born it was something like 3 days at normal pay and maternity leave was around 16 weeks.

Men are less likely to take paternity leave at that price though aren't they?
Women (more often than not) will calculate their wages against childcare and maternity allowance etc, but for a man, if the woman is already home with baby then it's harder to justify him staying home too with such a crappy 'wage'.
It's often the case that the people on the middle rungs so to speak are the ones that get let down by the system though, you're earning too much to qualify for help here, but not enough for it to not make a difference if you did qualify.