Workmate being really mean because I'm going on holiday and she isn't.

[MojacarSunset]

I'm going on a family holiday to Spain next week with dh and 2 dc. My workmate has been making digs at me for weeks every time anyone mentions the holiday, I'm not talking about it but it comes up naturally when planning meetings/work etc as someone will ask when I'm off, that kind of thing. Every time she has a dig, "It's alright for some" "I wish I could afford a holiday" "Oh yes, your going on holiday"............it's driving me nuts and I'm biting my tongue!!!
Workmate works more hours than me and has 1 child who her mother looks after for free, we pay for childcare before/after school for 2 children!
Our husbands work in the same service and are on the same level, their combined income will be a bit more than ours as I work fewer hours.
The only reason we can afford our 2-week self-catering in Spain is because I budget carefully. Weekly shopping is £100 for everything, we don't have takeaways unless it's a birthday or special occasion, me and DH both take food to work and don't tend to buy fancy coffee and snacks.
I don't moan when she turns up in a new car or bangs on about the latest fancy meal she has had. I'm happy with my choices but she is driving me nuts!!!!

Our holiday is costing us the equivalent of £50 a week, she probably spends that on coffee and lunch!!!

bollocks, are you the colleague or something?

it's bloody annoying when someone makes stupid remarks like this, and you can't just tell them to fuck off and leave you alone.

The OP is not "lucky", the colleague works more hours, they both could be going on holiday as they have roughly the same income. If the colleague is obviously jealous, it's no excuse for her pathetic behaviour.

I’ve actually found that saying their behaviour is upsetting scares them into stopping.

"Oh Brenda, isn't it well for you driving a fancy new car, I could never afford that."

Do it in a jokey way whenever she starts, same whenever she talks about the latest restaurant she's been to. Turn it around on her.

If she gets arsey say "I was only joking with you, like you do about my holiday."

I assume because it's rude a) to keep raining on someone's parade like that and b) to insinuate that OP is getting this holiday through some lucky spin of Fortune's wheel and didn't do anything at all to earn or deserve it.

Yes, OP is lucky to have a holiday in the sense that even general living costs are beyond many people right now (which is not her fault) but it's nasty to try to make her feel guilty over it and as if she doesn't deserve it.

Oh give over, it's irritating behaviour and OP is not in the wrong here.

Why do you need to have a nerve ?
You don't like it so tell her to stop

Please do this and report back, we need entertaining too you know, I mean it's alright for you off on your holidays while we're stuck on mum's net 🤭

Why do you enjoy bragging to him?

He sounds like a loser, why would you take great pleasure in one upping him? His opinion is irrelevant

I had a colleague some years ago when my kids were primary school age - who used to constantly make snide and sarcy remarks every time we went to the cinema, the theatre, out for a meal, on a day trip, and especially on a holiday abroad ...

She was about five years older than me so in her late 30s at the time - and always single .... She had occasional boyfriends for a few weeks, but never managed to keep hold of any of them lol ... it's probably because she was a nasty spiteful cow to be honest with you ...The amount of remarks she made towards me was outrageous .. Never anyone else just me.

...... 'oh it's all right for you isn't it being kept by a husband' (I worked 22 hours a week at the time, and did 90% of the childcare, housework, home admin, grunt work etc, so not exactly fucking KEPT. ) And she said 'yeah it's all right for you double income families - and YOU having a husband who brings in loads of money so you can have a good life .... what about the single people - do you ever think about THEM when you're swanning off doing stuff?' And she often said when I left for home at lunchtime (I did 2 full days and a half day,) 'slacking off again part timer?!!!' She was a fucking bitch.

She constantly goaded me and got at me too, critisising everything I did, and mocking and deriding things, like when DH got me a lovely soft toy from Steiff for my birthday, she laughed and said 'are you 5?!' Her jealousy and resentment towards me was fierce. Because I worked part time, and had a husband, and 2 gorgeous kids. (Everything SHE wanted.)

HILARIOUSLY - she was actually a supervisor, and her income was about 10% more than mine and my husband's combined! Plus our mortgage at the time was £550 a month and hers was only £300 cuz she brought a council house on right to buy for about £15,000 compared to the £42,000 we paid for ours ... (Very late 1990s.) She was such a nasty bitter little cow ... 😆 Even now I see her out and about ... She's in her early 60s now, and she's still single ... LOL can't imagine why.

@MojacarSunset YANBU, what your workmate is doing is tantamount to bullying. When this horrible colleague of mine was so vile, I did report her to the manager, but she was above me in rank, and right up his arse, so he just told me to grow up and stop being a wimp. Charming. This was 22-23 years ago. I doubt it would be allowed to happen now. She was a bully. She left eventually after a MALE colleague got the Office manager job she went for, and said it was only because she is a woman that she didn't get the job.

She moved onto another company, and I heard shortly after (maybe 5 months later,) that she was busy making another young mum's life hell, bullying and goading her, and picking on everything she did. This young mum left after 5 or 6 months of it, as she couldn't stand the bullying any longer, from this vile bully who left my place of work..... As I said, no wonder she is perpetually single.

I agree with this…I have a similar colleague and it drives me nuts, I really have to bite my tongue because if I said anything at all, I’d let rip!

Her: Alright for some
You: Sorry (as if you didn't hear her)
Her: I said it's alright for some
You: Yes it is.
Back to work.

Best way to deal with this is to gloat.
After your holiday send her photos of all the wonderful experiences that you had.
Be sure to exaggerate.
😉😁😁😁

Definitely send work a postcard of you all having a fabulous time. You can actually send a photo card though Touchnote and because they're based in the UK, it gets there the next day 😉

You both sound a bit too invested in each others lives OP.

I wouldn't really take those comments to heart. How many times is your holiday being mentioned? Are you the only person to go on holiday in your company? It sounds a bizarre amount of people mentioning your holiday considering it's July and Spain is quite a normal destination,

Personally I find those sort of comments come out once your on the 5th time you've had to talk about someone's holiday, it sounds more like bored of having to talk about it. They don't sound particularly off comments and I think you'll just seem like a dick if you come back with some comment on her spending

I would have to say:

"to be honest, considering you work more hours than me and only have one child, I'm surprised you're not able to budget for a holiday"

Is she on your fb ? Say nothing now but make sure you have plenty of holiday pics up and bring back a big bag of ‘holiday sweets’ for your colleagues
her reaction isn’t your problem. You’re allowed a holiday
I hope you have a lovely time

or it's just normal work conversation

it comes up naturally when planning meetings/work etc as someone will ask when I'm off, that kind of thing.

and the colleague is a jealous cow who needs to have her nose rubbed into if she makes unnecessary and rude comments.

Do this, and make sure you do it with a big smug smile.

Aw you didn't know snidey remarks were mean? Nevermind.

OP Every time she says something just give a big smile and say 'I'm so excited'. She'll soon stop saying anything as she's trying to make you feel bad and bring you down.

No because I’m a grown up I don’t see snidey remarks as mean absolutely not I wouldn’t class any of what’s been said as nasty or malicious or really offensive!? Would you?

Some people always have something to say about how others spend money and what they choose to buy. The very same people are generally bitter and unpleasant.

it's at least inappropriate, unprofessional and annoying, so either way she should just shut up, or the OP should be having her own laugh about it.

I’d reflect her behaviour right back at her. Oh it must be nice to be able to afford takeaway coffee. Oh you’re so lucky only having one lot of childcare to pay for. All right for some having a nice new car etc.

If she says anything then say well this is what it’s like for me when you make comments about my holiday so why don’t we both agree to stop?

Unprofessional? no because it’s bigger all todo with work! lol jesus the future has no hope really! At absolute worst I would deem this as annoying and I mean at the absolute worst! Lol.

every time she arrives with starbucks and a granola - "that could of been £6 in your holiday fund"
Mention of a meal out "so that could have been £100 in your holiday fund?"

ad nauseum until she gets the message and STFU