DSS's behaviour on holiday, is this a usual teen?

[Hop27]

DSS is nearly 16, last year we did a big holiday to Thailand. Asked if he wanted to bring a friend, he has previously on short haul, but he said no. He was so excited for the holiday, but once we got there he literally never left his room in daylight. Came with us on island trips etc, and out at night but literally had one swim in the pool and rarely interacted with us. Yes I get it adults are boring.
We had a room each and he spent ALL day with the aircon on and on his phone. Rarely joined us for breakfast, wouldn't come to the gym with us, would occasionally join us for lunch - but then would go back to his room to 'chill' until evening.
We only have a couple more years of holidays with him, do we risk Asia again this year or just have a couple of long weekends somewhere?
It's a lot of money for DSS to spend the whole trip in his room (at least he is getting value for money in room occupancy) or is this just typical teen behaviour. DH and I need a holiday thinking 3 nights city, 10/12 nights beach either Vietnam or Malaysia. Or do we need to do more to involve DSS? Or should we just be happy that he is with us?

How do you usually interact at home? Do you have all meals together? Do you talk? Do you have phone-free time? If he typically spends all day in his room anyway, why expect him to do anything different when abroad? It’s a constant struggle with my 13y/o step daughter - she comes to stay with us every other weekend and school holidays and basically takes it as a free pass to sit on her phone 24/7. We do our best to occupy her with things she wants to do and also teach her to participate in things we enjoy even if she thinks they are boring. We also left her home alone a couple of times when we were going out into town and she said she wants to take her phone or she “will be bored”. She can prioritise her phone time and miss out on doing things with the family. It’s her choice.
Similarly, I would leave the 16 y/o out of the family holiday if he is not taking full advantage of the experience.

Friends of ours (way out of our league financially) bemoaned the fact that their ds1 spent the majority of their St Lucia holiday crouched in the only corner of the toilet that had a signal. I found it hilarious. If you’re going to spend a fortune on a holiday with kids, I’d make it one they want to do.

If everyone got to do what they wanted and had their wants \ needs met then I don't see an issue.

I thought I was going to read about taking drugs\ being unpleasant \ disappearing but I'm thinking a lot of parents of teens would want to swap with you!

@Dannexe that sounds perfect for my DS (it’s just the two of us) would you mind sharing where it was please?

You went to Thailand and then spent your time in the hotel? What is wrong with YOU. No wonder your kid stayed in his room. He was probably interested to see all the fantastic places in Thailand, unlike you! I think YOU are the ones wasting your money!

Yeah this seems normal.

Glad that I'm not alone, the fact that he enjoyed it is the most important thing. We have a city break booked for September, and the back to Asia at the end of the year. But think we'll do a mix of beach and city. Have offered if he wants to bring a mate, but he's still happy to come alone at this stage.
At least he's getting use of his really nice room 🤣
He was seeing someone last time and I wondered if that had an impact.

he spent ALL day with the aircon on

Couple with staying in throughout daylight, I'd hazard a guess that he's found out that he despises hot weather.

In my household sounds pretty standard teenage behaviour. I can't understand teenagers, when we were all younger and our parents organised holidays or daytrips we were up crack of dawn ready and out the door for 9am. Kids or teens you'd need a foghorn to blast them out of bed by 10am and they'd still pussyfoot about and getting ready at 1pm

I recognise this! DS was the same. Now he’s 23 after uni, so much more confident and outgoing. Teens is so different from those lovely holidays age 6-8 where you are their world. We did get a good holiday canoeing on Dordogne out of our DS/DD. He in particular like doing activities more than trogging round after his parents like looking at scenery and architecture, however spectacular. And the activity gives you an immediate topic of conversation that seems relevant to the moment.

As to air con - we were all hogging the air con in HK. I’m totally with him on that - even a shopping mall is paradise if everywhere else is oppressively hot.

Simple solution no phone or device, can't believe some people are really letting their children rule them. I wouldn't have dared behave in this way when my parents took me on holiday.

I took my 2 DC 15 and 16 long haul and they both arranged, booked and paid for a full days activities as part of the planning. They loved it and now they are 18 and 20 they arrange really amazing value trips for themselves all over the place. Maybe rather than asking him what he wants have an expectation of contribution and a team effort so you are all on the same page.

We’re on a city break at the moment. My husband and I have gone out sightseeing but our 17 year old has spent lots of time in the hotel. He’s been using the pool and spa facilities, going to get lunch by himself but joining us for evening meals and activities.

He said today that he’s loved the holiday and been able to relax after a really busy, stressful term at school.

Normal behaviour IMO

If i can get mine to engage for a couple of hours and one meal a day then I feel I’m winning!

if I want more than that we have to have a full on expensive super exciting schedule or go skiing,

Took my 16 year old to Dubai this year was pretty much the same. I spent most of the day times alone sunbathing :)