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Original poster

DSS's behaviour on holiday, is this a usual teen?

140 replies

Hop27 · 16/07/2023 07:12

DSS is nearly 16, last year we did a big holiday to Thailand. Asked if he wanted to bring a friend, he has previously on short haul, but he said no. He was so excited for the holiday, but once we got there he literally never left his room in daylight. Came with us on island trips etc, and out at night but literally had one swim in the pool and rarely interacted with us. Yes I get it adults are boring.
We had a room each and he spent ALL day with the aircon on and on his phone. Rarely joined us for breakfast, wouldn't come to the gym with us, would occasionally join us for lunch - but then would go back to his room to 'chill' until evening.
We only have a couple more years of holidays with him, do we risk Asia again this year or just have a couple of long weekends somewhere?
It's a lot of money for DSS to spend the whole trip in his room (at least he is getting value for money in room occupancy) or is this just typical teen behaviour. DH and I need a holiday thinking 3 nights city, 10/12 nights beach either Vietnam or Malaysia. Or do we need to do more to involve DSS? Or should we just be happy that he is with us?

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 16/07/2023 10:08

Did you actually ask him what he wanted to do or what activities he would be interested in beforehand?

Going to the gym on holiday is definitely not my idea of fun and definitely wasn’t when I was a teen. If it’s too hot outside, I would rather be going out in the coolest parts of the day than the hottest parts, pool or no pool and going to a beach or pool for days on end isn’t appealing to many people.

When I went on holidays with my parents at that age, we planned them together and discussed what we wanted to see while we were there and planned accordingly that way everyone got to see and do something they wanted.

It would be a waste of money otherwise.

Mayhem3 · 16/07/2023 10:10

helpfulperson · 16/07/2023 09:56

It's not really clear what you expected him to do with you that he didn't. other than going to the gym, what did you do when not on excursions or in the evening and why is it better than what he chose to do?

Exactly this.

It reads like you want him to do things with you within the hotel complex like lounge around the pool and go to the gym.

That is so boring and teens and most adults would get bored.

You say he joins you for all of the excursions, so it’s obvious that it’s just the hotel complex he finds boring.

I would not go all of the way to Thailand and spend most of my time in the hotel. I would have based the holiday around doing different things every day.

Ginger1982 · 16/07/2023 10:12

Mmm, at 16 I was happy to lounge by a pool reading but we obviously didn't have all the distractions of social media back then.

Sounds like you might have been better booking a more 'activity led' holiday if you want him to go with you and keep the relaxing holidays for just you and DH.

phoenixrosehere · 16/07/2023 10:13

LuckySantangelo35 · 16/07/2023 10:04

Yeah Op you should have based it all around what he wants to do! Every minute of every day!

honestly this lad has just been to Thailand! He is incredibly privileged. Some of us never went abroad as kids, it was only when we were adults with jobs and could pay for it that we got to go. Some of us had to make do with a week in Skegness once a year. He’s lucky and should think himself so.

Yeah Op you should have based it all around what he wants to do! Every minute of every day!

Where did anyone say that? It’s only fair to include things that each person wants to do on holiday, not just the parents.

jamimmi · 16/07/2023 10:13

On holiday with 16 yr old dd now. Sounds.about right,.she does eat with us. Just been to drag her out of bed it's 11 am here. Yesterday no swimming as she was reading all day .

3peassuit · 16/07/2023 10:14

He doesn’t sound too bad. He joined you for dinner, evening trips out and the occasional lunch. Staying in their room during daytime hours is normal teenage behaviour.

AngelAurora · 16/07/2023 10:16

Welly you could ask him where he would like to go on holiday instead of booking one without including him it.

ProseccoOnTap · 16/07/2023 10:17

This would annoy me - it's a lot of money to spend for him to be in a hotel room - but equally it doesn't sound like it was his type of holiday.

Compromise I think is needed - so that it's the type of holiday everyone wants to go on.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 16/07/2023 10:21

Totally normal.I was the same then took off on holiday with a friend from 18 for cheap shots,sunburn and unsuitable men.

JudgeRudy · 16/07/2023 10:21

If you're able to afford it I'd consider separate holidays so a couples vacation for you two but maybe a shorter city break or week in med for step son. Maybe even a 'boys' trip for just him and his Dad, eg to watch a sport, band or maybe a weekend climbing Snowden. I don't think most 16 year old lads would particularly want to holiday/socialise with their dad and stepmum so be good if your OH can strengthen that bond before he goes off and does his own thing.

Defaultsettings · 16/07/2023 10:24

My kids were like this as teens and then we realised that we were doing things that we thought they’d like. We also realised that they don’t like being away from their home (friends/game consoles/own bed) for so long. We’ve started doing city breaks a few times a year instead and they love it.

Poshjock · 16/07/2023 10:24

My DSD did exactly the same at 17 in Florida. Was given the option to come on holiday if she wanted and jumped at the chance, then stayed in the house, watching TV or lounging by pool. Years later she said she regretted not going out more and missing all the theme parks etc and that she was silly to have had and wasted the opportunity, however, she loved the holiday and has happy memories of it. She was very into US TV at the time and was spending her day on SM chatting to her friends about the stuff she was watching. It was what she wanted to be doing in that moment.

What does DSS think of the holiday - to your mind he may not have seemed engaged, but to him ? If he enjoyed it and would be happy with your plans, why not include him and let him holiday his way?

Custardslices · 16/07/2023 10:30

Sounds like the heat was a issue for him

I don't see the problem myself. What did you want him to do? Eat breakfast and gym all morning sounds thrilling for a 16 year old.

JudgeAnderson · 16/07/2023 10:31

I thought this was going to be about much worse behaviour.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 16/07/2023 10:32

Hop27 · 16/07/2023 07:12

DSS is nearly 16, last year we did a big holiday to Thailand. Asked if he wanted to bring a friend, he has previously on short haul, but he said no. He was so excited for the holiday, but once we got there he literally never left his room in daylight. Came with us on island trips etc, and out at night but literally had one swim in the pool and rarely interacted with us. Yes I get it adults are boring.
We had a room each and he spent ALL day with the aircon on and on his phone. Rarely joined us for breakfast, wouldn't come to the gym with us, would occasionally join us for lunch - but then would go back to his room to 'chill' until evening.
We only have a couple more years of holidays with him, do we risk Asia again this year or just have a couple of long weekends somewhere?
It's a lot of money for DSS to spend the whole trip in his room (at least he is getting value for money in room occupancy) or is this just typical teen behaviour. DH and I need a holiday thinking 3 nights city, 10/12 nights beach either Vietnam or Malaysia. Or do we need to do more to involve DSS? Or should we just be happy that he is with us?

I don't see that he did anything wrong.

He came with you on all the excursions, joined you for lunch occasionally and came out with you every single night. He also slept in most mornings and spent time on his own.

Isn't that normal for a teenager?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 16/07/2023 10:36

Not sure if I understand? What were you doing while he was in his room? It sounds like you were just hanging around in the hotel as well?

If you were going out and about and doing stuff, then I understand the disappointment that he didn't want to bother. If you were just spending time in the hotel, I don't really see the issue?

giraffetrousers · 16/07/2023 10:37

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 16/07/2023 10:32

I don't see that he did anything wrong.

He came with you on all the excursions, joined you for lunch occasionally and came out with you every single night. He also slept in most mornings and spent time on his own.

Isn't that normal for a teenager?

Show quote history

Agreed. He did nothing wrong. I was expecting something like, he started arguments all the time, was rude, ungrateful, brattish etc He is behaving like a normal teen. You dont have to adjust your holiday to suit him but equally, what he did was normal teenager behaviour. Its really no big deal.

FoxRed2 · 16/07/2023 10:39

I was exactly the same age 16 and on the last holiday I’d ever have with my parents.

They were with their friends though, who were staying in a much swankier apartment, so they let me chill out there with the aircon and fab music system (1986) while they hung out with each other during the day and I joined them in the evening.

fairgame84 · 16/07/2023 10:41

DS18 did this on holiday last month. We only saw him at dinner otherwise he spent all of the time in his room or the hotel lobby (better wifi). His attitude was shit and he was negative about everything; a proper holiday grinch.
He's not coming with us again.

LadinLee · 16/07/2023 10:41

If you don’t want a repeat of the last holiday, you need to find a holiday he is going to engage with

This^
Your son's behaviour sounds totally normal for a slightly bored teenager. I have older teens and they will absolutely stay in their room on holiday all day! If you want him to really join in you need the holiday to cater for things he wants to do.
We do city breaks to places ours are interested in seeing. Or activity breaks such as when they wanted to learn windsurfing.
Find out what he wants out of a holiday and cater for that. It'll only likely be for another 2 or 3 years and then we may well not want to come anyway

HRTQueen · 16/07/2023 10:43

Sounds quite typical

ds had an air of gloom around him most of our holiday last year he couldn’t have looked more miserable if he tried. It seemed painful for him to have a holiday many teens would absolutely love all his friends said he was so lucky

he would even sit in the sun in his jeans and T-shirt because he just didn’t want to wear his shorts this must have been uncomfortable 🙄

I think it’s perfectly understandable that parents feel disappointed we work hard to take them away and they are not appreciative

overhearing ds talk to his friends when we got back the holiday was amazing

he is bringing a friend next time or I’m going alone

SoupDragon · 16/07/2023 10:50

It sounds nothing like mine were when teens but they have siblings so weren't alone. They were always out at the pool/waterports/tennis/etc. I think having someone to go out to do all those things with is key.

fairgame84 · 16/07/2023 10:52

overhearing ds talk to his friends when we got back the holiday was amazing

Teenagers are weird.
DS was desperate to go home. We offered to book him an early flight back - he said no. Then when it actually came to leave he wasn't even ready!

WildUnchartedWaters · 16/07/2023 10:54

MaximusPaddimous · 16/07/2023 07:16

If you don’t want a repeat of the last holiday, you need to find a holiday he is going to engage with. Your holiday in Thailand sounds like bliss to me, but I have teens and there’s no way in earth they would have enjoyed it.

Our teens would either prefer a beach/pool holiday or a shorter city break one where there’s plenty of stuff for them to do with or without parents.

He went on all the island stuff and excursions.

He didnt want to go to the pool.

OP - I think it does sound very teenage. Frustrating though!

jannier · 16/07/2023 10:55

Why don't you book holidays he would like for the next couple of years?

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