To think personal hygiene caused this

[Iloveburgerswaymorethanishould]

So say someone has developed a HUGE inward abscess on their bottom, really close to their sphincter. Been to hospital etc, it needs to soften before then can lance/drain. Said person showers after work, never at weekends… however for the last 5 weeks they have been out of work whilst waiting for site progression (they can’t do their job until other jobs are completed etc), so have only showered if they are attending something. So let’s say out of 5 weeks of not working I estimate 2 showers…. (Yup grim).
Now they have this anal abscess and the fluid leaking out literally smells of Faeces. They are saying it’s NOTHING to do with personal hygiene, I think it really is. HELP!!’

Likely doesnt have anything to do with not washing.
You can get an abcess from sitting too much /a friend got one from a coach journey/.

Thankyou… so him contacting them before the time they suggested is the best thing?? Soon as I smelled it I said this but he was adamant it was normal.
Im contacting them now in any case… again Thankyou

Who TF does not.shower daily. Abscess or not, he is grim.

Gavel

@Iloveburgerswaymorethanishould absolutely it’s ok to contact them again, as things have changed and they’ll decide whether to be re-reviewed or not. It’s strange they didn’t drain it the first time.

Wow there are a lot of people on here getting defensive about their abscesses. It probably didn’t cause it but I can’t imagine having unwashed poo (toilet paper can only clean so much) built up around an abscess is going to help keep infection away. He needs a good jet wash!

I mean wow the shower sitch is pretty shocking but I don’t imagine it’s related particularly to the anal abscess. I had one a few years ago when I was run down after a miscarriage and I never go a day without showering! I made the poor doctor pop it for me 😆

It’s not out of character for him? So this person just doesn’t wash usually? Disgusting

To people saying "But in the olden days!"

People washed pits and bits daily. With cold water often, and with just a basin, but they did.

He should shower daily, or at least every other day. Not showering much at all for 5 weeks is rank.

Yabu to suggest he is to blame for his own discomfort re abscess. That sounds awful.

Also since you have said that he is showering twice a day so obv taken it on board. Why do you need other people to agree on it?

Suspecting he has a ND issue and being in charge of the washing helps…. I could tell him his knob would fall off unless he did XYZ and he still wouldn’t do it. I micromanage all aspects of his hygiene as much as I can. The issue I think he has means he doesn’t give one flying fooook about how others see/ smell/whatever him. I do share a bed with him yes, cos I view this as an illness as such… without him noticing the duplicate bedding sets, the “under” sheets I insist are seperate as I wriggle… etc. I just thought If I could blame him being poorly on his reluctance to wash it might have sunk in more. Nope. And now I’m know I was “kinda” unreasonable I know it won’t work. I have 3 sheets on top of the bottom one, the first he wraps himself in, one goes over the top. I wrap myself in the next, then there’s the quilt. We are like odd, human burritos lol

Because as he is now showering twice a day after what I said…. Surely what I’ve said holds some weight???
I accept I was unreasonable to think that. I actually said it to him and felt like Shit…. Course he isn’t to blame. But I’d I said it to my mum or friends, they’d agree with me. Not only has me posting on here helped me see I was wrong, it’s given me suggestions to help him going forward but

Get him to a and e tomorrow.

I’m sorry for your loss 💐. I do think the stress of him not working may have contributed a bit. He has felt really bad about life lately (not comparing his feelings to your loss btw) x

>he doesn’t give one flying fooook about how others see/ smell/whatever him

But he does.

You said he does when he is going to work.

It should read:
he doesn’t give one flying fooook about how HIS WIFE others sees/ smells/whatevers him

Doesn't respect you.

And why are you directing his hygiene like he's seven?

Do you actually fuck this man?

Thankyou. I think it’s the best thing to do

Me too, both my DS suffer too. Also scrupulously clean. Currently suffering with a giant in pretty much the same place as OP describes. Have spent the day, either in a hot bath or balancing on 1 arse cheek

Oh ffs, Mumsnet. I know there is a culture of being contrary and picking apart the OP, especially on AIBU, but THIS? Really? Do you really want to take up arms over a filthy, unwashed man’s ass abscess? Come the fuck on.

Of course not bathing for weeks could have led to this, especially since he’s hairy. It didn’t happen until he stopped bathing, after all. It probably started as an ingrown hair and the excess sweat/bacteria from not bathing led to a larger infection developing.

Everyone knows that abscesses can happen under a variety of circumstances. OP is talking about this circumstance with her husband so there is no reason for anyone to leap in talking about their kid’s abscess and how clean they are. It’s about a specific hygiene-challenged man, not about you.

Get him to have a soak in a hot bath with a cup or 2 (approx) of salt dissolved in it before he goes off to a&e this will soften it more

Even if this particular abscess wasn't caused by poor hygiene, there are plenty of other infections, bacterial and fungal, that will grow if you don't keep your nether regions clean, so his health IS at risk. In this instance, I would go to A and E tomorrow as this may be too developed for antibiotics and need draining/packing, and then hygiene will be of paramount importance.

Stop saying he's too ill to wash, he obviously isn't as he's now doing it twice a day, I would personally move out until there was daily washing of bits and pits as an absolute minimum and a shower every day or two days at a push. He's risked his health in a very stupid way as well as being disgusting.

These abscesses are very unpleasant and painful. I think a bit of sympathy for ths person wouldn't go amiss.

In the meantime, prior to him going to A&E this weekend, I would be getting him to sit in a hot bath that you've dissolved a lot of salt into. This will help with any infection. If he won't have a bath, then do you think you could manage holding a hot wet flannel against it that has been soaked in salty water or tea tree oil? I'm just thinking as to when I had a boil, I pressed a hot wet flannel with a few drops of tea tree oil on it and it drained immediately and all the surrounding redness went.

I just can’t get over the fact that when it’s leaking, the fluid smells like shit 😳

fuck me I feel sick 🤢
is this your partner?
Surely you guys sleep in separate bedrooms?
Sex life must be non existent as I couldn’t imagine climbing on that dirty dick even if he did shower.

I burst my massive absess at the top of my bum after a really hot salt bath, the relief was immense! But the water was properly grim! I had to shower after the bath! 🤣

Haven’t heard that for years. Brilliant 😀