May I join you in the '59 and knackered' club, Missy?
I've felt some of these feelings as well, but don't identify with the dread of the 'empty nest'.
The last few years and the pandemic seem to have involved so much logistics, organising, mitigation of missing teachers due to the recruitment crisis, etc. that I find myself really enjoying the prospect of DD finally going to uni in October. I never thought I would say that, but I am.
Today I woke up late, trying to rest my foot with arthritis as it often hurts in the morning, not looking forward to tackling household jobs for that reason, pouring with rain and the washing line was broken and for the first time to my surprise (unprompted) EVER - DD had cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the kitchen floor, put dishwasher on, organised herself and all I had to do was get myself a coffee go to my desk and tackle the long list of things to do. Then going out to do something in a cafe around her online course that she is required to do for uni.
New found learnings I hope for DD since she started a part time job in a cafe - in my view at least include a new found appreciation for all the things that are necessary in order to run a household (she is now required to fill and empty the dishwasher as part of her job, also run the till). And a new found fast learning curve around money, savings and her own financial future.
I find myself pleased and relieved that I might finally have less to do in the house at last. During A levels and previous she was studying so much that I seemed to take on the burden of everything in the house. I'm even not doing a grocery shop online anymore as we have two very decent stores within walking distance now and she is more than capable of popping out, deciding what she wants to eat and doing that.
I've noticed that a lot of the writings around so called 'empty-nesting' (they used to call it a 'syndrome' - don't apply to everybody. For me there is a relief around having put the work in to get this far, logistically, financially and every other which way and gradually trusting more and more that DD has a major part of the skills needed to navigate her own blessings and challenges. Ok I think she will always phone me if needed and I know I will be on the other end of the phone if I need to.
I've also noticed that the situation is different for everybody but that sometimes for people in couples it can be more challenging - because they are suddenly faced with each other, without the kids and there can be a lot of change there.
When I first left for uni at eighteen, there wasn't half the support and prep that there is nowadays to help them cope with the transition. In fact there was none at all. I didn't know what to do with a bank account really, student finances, studying, any of that...so I'm glad again, that so much preparation has gone in to this, on my part, on the part of the school, on the part of the uni...
In terms of identity - I'm not the same person I was - before I had DD. I like to think that providing for DD and creating what they call a 'circle of security' for us both - has been also an act of self-care for me - on good days it has led me to value myself more.
And quite often, perhaps partly because i was often tired and lately in pain with arthritis - I really haven't enjoyed teenage dramas. I know it is their hormones but being past the menopause myself - I don't want to do dramas anymore! it is I feel a really hard age group to parent. Although perhaps sometimes easier if you are not doing it all on your own! Sometimes I am quite calm about these - knowing that the next day things are probably going to be completely different again.
I really, really haven't enjoyed the run up to A level exams - and the stress. it seems it has been going on for years...I know she will have exam stress at uni but I hope that is different as they form their own support networks and times are also hopefully fun.
I had a letter from a friend who went through 'empty-nesting' (I really feel as if we need to find another word for it!) - and it coincided with her menopause.
She said she thought that a large part of what she was feeling was hormonal.
Perhaps it is worth not just pulling in counselling support but also having a general health check. As you know these things can affect mood.