Dd grumpy at me but I think her lack of communication is to blame.

[BarbiewhupsSindy]

Dd2 and I joined DD1 for long awaited fantastic concert tonight.

Let's say DD2 and I live in Bristol (she's 19 on a gap year, lives at home). DD1 let's say lives in Birmingham - 25, lived there since she finished University, very settled in her own flat, good job, just returns home occasionally for the odd night.

We liaised tonight at a music concert in Oxford.

I drove DD2 up there, DD1 hopped on the train and met us there, we had lovely supper and concert, finished the concert and went to say our goodbyes, when DD1 dropped the bombshell that she'd decided to come home with us for the night, and she'd WFH (our home) and then catch the train back tomorrow evening.

Well all good, and dandy, except I didn't have space for her in the car 😭.

She didn't want to get the late train back as it would involve an hour wait and then a 15 minute walk at approx 1am through the city, or an uber.

So I arranged for a late check in at a hotel in Oxford for her because I felt guilty that I couldn't accommodate her wishes.

She went off in a snit muttering about wanting to spend time with her younger siblings and pets, see her childhood friend, and I've prevented that by not being able to get her back to Bristol.

She has form for holding a grudge, so I'm wondering how long this wobbly will last.

YABU you should have anticipated her prodigal return.

YANBU she should have communicated with you that she'd be returned to Bristol after the concert.

😬

If she knows her family, she must know about space in her mother's car.

You sound like a really fantastic mum, she is lucky to have you x

Not really, I sometimes get a bit discombobulated by lifestyle changes my parents/smaller family have settled into after I left home! Our lovely old SUV that we had all my life is now a tiny car and everyone is used to it but me, and there are tons of other examples everywhere. I know I'm always 100% welcome back home any time at all, but sometimes I forget how quickly logistics change when you're not around.

You liaised with your children? Really?

Sounds like you helped her as much as you could and it’s her issue really. She’s a big girl, holding a grudge is unreasonable. I think you are in the right for what it’s worth.

How is her reaction cold? What else could she have done? Her ADULT daughter didn’t inform her mum of her plans, it’s easily done we know this but then she has to accept that she wasn’t factored into the plans, nothing cold about this at all. Maybe next time she will communicate.

Ha, I hope this is a joke 😂

you know where Bristol and Oxford are right? £20 for an Uber?!

tbh OP, the only UR thing was that you booked and paid for a hotel for her. She is old enough to do that herself, and earns her own money.

And that would have probably made her realise that non-actions also have consequences.

haha - nope. my DDs are in their 20s and sure they can come any time. If they get here under their own steam i don't even really need notice.

But i have had 2 seaters in the past - have none of you ever seen for eg a Mazda MX5?

All’s well that ends well, just read your update.
As you know she will have just been disappointed it was not going to plan, as you would have been at the time to not be able to take her home.

Hope you had a good day together, I know how nice it is to have them back home even for a short time when they have their own lives away from home.

Really?
At the age of 25, I was managing a city centre bar. Most nights I would get the late bus or overground train home. I can't imagine my mother thinking I should have stayed in a hotel.

I can’t believe how many poster couldn’t figure out, on their own, the OPs car is a two seater. Pages of “why couldn’t you squeeze her in’ ‘move some things over’. I mean, come on.

I can’t believe people like you lot on here exist lol!

Even cars that are technically 4 seaters don't have room for more than 2 adults...exhibit "A" my Vauxhall Adam. No hope of anyone over 3ft tall sitting in the back seat of that.

Your daughter saying she wanted to stay is a 'BOMBSHELL'?

She had an hours wait and you weren't going to wait with her?

I think most of us assumed her daughter would already have known there wouldn't be a seat for her if she knew they had a two seater