Dd grumpy at me but I think her lack of communication is to blame.

[BarbiewhupsSindy]

Dd2 and I joined DD1 for long awaited fantastic concert tonight.

Let's say DD2 and I live in Bristol (she's 19 on a gap year, lives at home). DD1 let's say lives in Birmingham - 25, lived there since she finished University, very settled in her own flat, good job, just returns home occasionally for the odd night.

We liaised tonight at a music concert in Oxford.

I drove DD2 up there, DD1 hopped on the train and met us there, we had lovely supper and concert, finished the concert and went to say our goodbyes, when DD1 dropped the bombshell that she'd decided to come home with us for the night, and she'd WFH (our home) and then catch the train back tomorrow evening.

Well all good, and dandy, except I didn't have space for her in the car 😭.

She didn't want to get the late train back as it would involve an hour wait and then a 15 minute walk at approx 1am through the city, or an uber.

So I arranged for a late check in at a hotel in Oxford for her because I felt guilty that I couldn't accommodate her wishes.

She went off in a snit muttering about wanting to spend time with her younger siblings and pets, see her childhood friend, and I've prevented that by not being able to get her back to Bristol.

She has form for holding a grudge, so I'm wondering how long this wobbly will last.

YABU you should have anticipated her prodigal return.

YANBU she should have communicated with you that she'd be returned to Bristol after the concert.

😬

Hah no big cat or remote controlled planes, or bodies 😂😂😂

That's interesting, I can kind of see why you would say that. But she's generally not a madam, just gets a bit discombobulated when her plans go awry. She'll snap out of it soon and be back to the Grand woman she is, I'm sure 👍🏼

Sorry probably not clear. I think the timing was a "bombshell" not the actual fact she wanted to come home.

A most excellent summary!

I think I should hire you to help me be more concise 😂

I'm not really sure I understand this.

I couldn't drop dd2 off first as we live nearly 2 hours from concert venue.

Do you usually say ‘shut up’ to people you don’t agree with?

It's a big stretch to anticipate that she might have wanted to come back - I had no idea, she's got work, social life, own place and she's always communicated her return eaxh time previously.

To say I didn't want her to come back is completely incorrect.

That's really unpleasant.

If it's a ridiculous comment, yeah

Absolutely I'll definitely strive not to let an scenario happen like this again.

Having to sometimes use a limiting car is quite logistically difficult really but it hasn't caused a hiccup like this previously.

I think yes, you're right that info would have helped.

I guess when you're just so accustomed to the situation you never really need to spell it out as all parties are aware of the limitations. I was tired and just didn't think to include it as it's so normal for me, though I now see it would have not been obvious from the way I wrote the OP.

Apologies

Surely you’d notice her laptop / overnight bag slung across her shoulders during the gig if she was carrying it with her?

So how did it come a bombshell at the end of the night when she suddenly announced she was coming home with you? Surely the overnight /laptop bag would have given it away?

Or did you see it but thought she’d bought her laptop to a gig just so she could surf the internet on the train seeing as phones can do the same thing? Surely you must have thought that was odd? Who takes a laptop to a gig?

And why didn’t she ask if she could put her laptop and overnight bag it in your car during the gig rather than lug it around with her all night?!

It all sounds very strange…

But whatever the oddities are, she was in the wrong for not asking in advance, but you should have clicked that she wasn’t just carrying her laptop / overnight bag for fun and let her know much sooner that she wouldn’t be able to come back with you.

Right I'm off to grab her from the hotel.

She's had a lovely breakfast, done a load of work.

She's apologised and said she regretted not telling me but wanted to see my face when she surprised me. She says she's not sure why she went into such a mood, but all's well that ends well. A night of luxury as well as what shed planned for today.

She'll carry on working on the journey and this afternoon and the surprise he siblings by picking them all up from school in an appropriately sized vehicle 😉.

She'll have dog snuggles, her favourite supper a la me, drinks with old friends and then back to her flat late tonight and her chum will meet her from the station.

Hiya, I answered this a bit further back.

She always has it with her, so to see it wasbt abnormal.

And I get that if she has it with her during the daytime or when she comes to visit you etc.

It’s just weird that her always having it with her would include her taking it to a night time gig.

She clearly works too hard if you didn’t think it odd that she’d bought her laptop to a gig 😂😂

Aw that's nice op.
She should stay for the weekend and make more out of all the travelling.
I wonder if she spoke to a friend who made her see a night in a hotel is pretty cushty :D

OP isn't to blame for the speculative post, the usual "jump on OP's posts" MN brigade are. Let's see, she had two people and couldn't fit any more people in her car - OF COURSE she was driving a two-seater. Like, that's literally the only explanation that makes any sense. No need for everyone to get all sniffy and "I'd move boxes for my child" - yeah, I'm sure OP would too, but these are imaginary boxes in an imaginary car!

I’m glad it all worked out ok. But god this moody, sulking behaviour.

I’m not trying to have a go OP but I would have a proper chat with her when the time is right because a spouse/partner shouldn’t have to tolerate that behaviour and nor should you as parents.

It would help her so much to learn to take responsibility for small mistakes, deal with them gracefully and not to take it out on other people.

She’s a lucky girl that she is being picked up by you, all those nice snuggly things and a meal cooked for her when she’s behaved so badly. Ok she has apologised but has she really learned the lesson? Dare I say that she sound a bit spoilt OP? <ducks>

Glad it all worked out and everyones calmed down and on good terms again. Enjoy the weekend! I think its true that our families get to see us at our best and also at our worst, and family life is filled with these small dramas.

Not in my world.

I always knew i could go 'home' to my childhood/ parents home and i wouldn't have had to tell them beforehand. Unfortunately they have both passed away recently but, it never would have crossed my mind that i (even as an adult in my 40's would have had to ask them.

I'm assuming that she is very well aware of 'set up' so probably would have been fine sleeping on the sofa etc if a bed isnt available.

Personally i would have never done this but, also maybe the daughter was hurt rather than 'moody'!

Personally i would have never done this

Done what, not take dd home? So what should OP have done, illegally put both dds in front seat? Or do you mean moan like a child instead of accept a situation with good grace?

She’s 25 - pretty sure she knows how a phone works so could’ve let you know.
However - I’m interested to know how much stuff you had in your car that you couldn’t have rearranged it & fit her in somehow! (Unless it’s a 2 seater? But surely she’d know this!) I feel there’s something missing from the story!!

You know what they say, to assume makes an ass out of you and me!

She's an adult and could easily have told you that she wanted to come back to yours in advance.

Although she definitely should have communicated what she wanted to do in advance, I’m also surprised that you didn’t discuss with her in advance what would be happening after the concert. My mother has always been overprotective, so perhaps I’m basing this on my own experience here, but my mum would not be happy about me travelling back on a train after 11pm at night and so would have suggested a hotel/lift in advance. Were you not worried about her travelling on public transport late at night?

What dumb logic is that? She’s an adult and can inform her mum that she will return home with them after the concert.