Dd grumpy at me but I think her lack of communication is to blame.

[BarbiewhupsSindy]

Dd2 and I joined DD1 for long awaited fantastic concert tonight.

Let's say DD2 and I live in Bristol (she's 19 on a gap year, lives at home). DD1 let's say lives in Birmingham - 25, lived there since she finished University, very settled in her own flat, good job, just returns home occasionally for the odd night.

We liaised tonight at a music concert in Oxford.

I drove DD2 up there, DD1 hopped on the train and met us there, we had lovely supper and concert, finished the concert and went to say our goodbyes, when DD1 dropped the bombshell that she'd decided to come home with us for the night, and she'd WFH (our home) and then catch the train back tomorrow evening.

Well all good, and dandy, except I didn't have space for her in the car 😭.

She didn't want to get the late train back as it would involve an hour wait and then a 15 minute walk at approx 1am through the city, or an uber.

So I arranged for a late check in at a hotel in Oxford for her because I felt guilty that I couldn't accommodate her wishes.

She went off in a snit muttering about wanting to spend time with her younger siblings and pets, see her childhood friend, and I've prevented that by not being able to get her back to Bristol.

She has form for holding a grudge, so I'm wondering how long this wobbly will last.

YABU you should have anticipated her prodigal return.

YANBU she should have communicated with you that she'd be returned to Bristol after the concert.

😬

Op tell us about the car and why she wouldn’t fit it.
As a mum of adult DD’s I do understand how sometimes they still want to come ‘home’ even when they own their own properties. I feel a bit sorry for her, I bet she feels a bit rejected.

Yes, what was in the car?

This

I used to drive an MG F. You can barely get a bag of groceries behind the 2 front seats.

Unless you were in a 2 seat sports car you could have got her in. Even if it meant she had to have a bag on her lap

Agreed.

She got caught up in the moment and was enjoying spending time together. Yes she may seem all grown up compared to her sister but I can't imagine not giving her a lift.

25 may be an adult bit we all revert to children with out parents and you told one child
she couldn’t come to your home because
you could t fit her in the car.

Why are people judging OP when they don’t even know why OP doesn’t have space in her car? This place sometimes 🙄

OP, you did nothing wrong. Did she take you up on the free hotel offer?

She’s 25, she should communicate better and make her own arrangements as well. She can’t always expect you to bail her out with a lift or hotel.

If she knows one of your cars (assuming you have a 2 seater and something else) only fits 2 she should have told you her plans earlier.

I feel really sorry for your daughter OP :(

Why couldn't she fit in the car???

Do you have a two seater car? Surely she would know this if so?

I'm curious as well.

I think this is odd and I don't believe OP has a sports car because if that was the case the daughter wouldn't have asked for a lift. She's not stupid.

Judging by the fact she asked for a lift, and expected a yes, my guess is there was room. OP didn't mention giving lifts to anyone else.

I think the 'no' has left daughter feeling sad and rejected.

A hotel is not the same as being at home with family.

I actually think your reaction to this event OP, is a little cold :(

Assume it’s got to be a 2 seater but then surely she knows that? If you’re driving a load of junk around I can see why she was a bit annoyed but she should have told you in advance. Didn’t you ask her how she planned to get home prior to the trip?

Is it a 2 seater? I’m confused!

She’s 25, she should communicate better and make her own arrangements as well. She can’t always expect you to bail her out with a lift or hotel.

How have you come to the conclusion she wanted bailing out? She had clearly enjoyed spending time with he mum and sister and in the moment wanted it to continue. For most people this would have been a complete none issue and a nice bonus, she would have gotten into the car continued enjoying time with he family and gone back to being q responsible grown up the next day.

Answer the car question!

I don't think it is unreasonable to think there would be room on a car for a third person, unless you have a known habit of driving around with it full.

But she should have asked / forewarned to be polite and so a bed could be made up etc.

Must be a two seater and she should have mentioned coming home beforehand. Surely she would have needed laptop etc so did she take all that to the concert? In which case it was planned and not last minute so she could have said.

I'm coming to the conclusion that it is the OP's lack of communication here.

Assuming she has a 2 seater or a small van then surely the daughter would know this and not assume that she could go home with them?

If it was a 4 seater who goes to a gig with a car crammed full of stuff? And couldn't room have been made for the other DD?

YANBU, she is established in her own right at, are you always supposed to consider and automatically accommodate the random changes of mind your adult children decide?

I think 25 is old enough to realise things change and that whilst welcome at the family home, sometimes planning and communication needs to happen first.

I do wonder about the car though op?

I think your daughter is unreasonable to spring it on you and then has just cut her nose off to spite her face by not wanting wait an hour for the train.

You could have just gone for a drink somewhere lovely in Oxford for half an hour and then she goes for the train. An hour is nothing for making last minute plans happen. Likewise the uber in Bristol.

Surely your own dd would know that you only have a 2 seater car?

You weren't unreasonable but unless you'd a tiny 2 seater could you not have rejigged the contents of your car to cram her and an overnight bag in the back?

Can't be, or she'd have known there wouldn't be room.