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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this normal for British people?

129 replies

Sandra1984 · 13/07/2023 19:39

Hello,

I’m a female spaniard in my 40’s living in a big city in the UK, been here for 5 years and still trying to navigate the culture. So there's this English guy who I’m sort of friends with, I dated him for a couple of months, didn’t work out, we broke up and moved on, no harsh feelings as it was a mutual decision, that was 8 months ago. Guy and me are not a close friend by any means, but we’ve kept a friendly/civilized relationship. I haven’t had sex for 8 months with him nor I intend to, he’s an ex for a reason, he also happens to live very close to me (hence the reason I wanted to keep it civilised as I know I’m eventually going to bump into him). This is the issue: he knows I work from home and has showed up twice in my doorstep at 8:00 am asking me if I want to “grab a coffee” at the local coffee place. In Spain this would be considered a bit intrusive, in my country meeting for a coffee involves arranging a date and a time when it’s convenient for both, we just don’t pop up at 8:00 am at someones home and get all pissy when you tell them “no”.

I’ve complained to him about it but says he likes spontaneity and I’m not spontaneous enough, but for me this is borderline rude unless I’m missing something (?).

Is this normal in the UK?

Thanks,
Sandra

OP posts:
incrediblehux · 13/07/2023 19:40

No, not normal.

Onlinemum22 · 13/07/2023 19:41

It's normal for friends to be spontaneous. Sounds like he wants more though.

AP5Diva · 13/07/2023 19:41

It’s rude and I’d be concerned it would turn into harassment and you’d need police involvement to give him a non molestation order.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 13/07/2023 19:42

Not normal

DowntonCrabby · 13/07/2023 19:42

I love my friends dearly but if one of them showed up on the doorstep at 8am for a spontaneous coffee date rather than an emergency it be seriously WTF?!

InTheStars · 13/07/2023 19:42

I'm European myself, but have lived here for a long time. It's definitely intrusive and absolutely not typically British.

Callyem · 13/07/2023 19:43

No!

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 13/07/2023 19:43

No, it's not normal. A good friend might text you and say "I'm going to grab a coffee at 8 - care to join me?" But turn up on the doorstep like that? No!

nocoolnamesleft · 13/07/2023 19:43

He wants sex.

mambojambodothetango · 13/07/2023 19:43

Not at 8am, and not twice when you said no the first time.

Azandme · 13/07/2023 19:43

Crikey, no. Absolutely not normal.

AlltheFs · 13/07/2023 19:43

Turning up unannounced on a work day at 8am is bloody rude of him. Not normal at all.
He gives me the creeps just from your post @Sandra1984

EnthENd · 13/07/2023 19:43

No.

It would be unusual for a good friend to do that at 8am. More common in the evenings but still not for everyone. But it's absolutely weird and creepy for your ex to be showing up like that.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 13/07/2023 19:44

That’s is so far from normal in the UK it’s making me twitchy.

Gothambutnotahamster · 13/07/2023 19:44

DowntonCrabby · 13/07/2023 19:42

I love my friends dearly but if one of them showed up on the doorstep at 8am for a spontaneous coffee date rather than an emergency it be seriously WTF?!

Me too - definitely not normal Op!

Sweetashunni · 13/07/2023 19:44

Not normal, he can’t take no for an answer and has now turned up at your house twice, I would tell him to back off and if he doesn’t get the message report him

Original poster
Sandra1984 · 13/07/2023 19:44

Onlinemum22 · 13/07/2023 19:41

It's normal for friends to be spontaneous. Sounds like he wants more though.

But even with my best friends I would not dream of just popping out on their doorstep at 8:00 am unannounced (unless it's an emergency of course), I assume people have jobs, family and commitments, or they just got out of bed having their morning coffee and not in the mood of dealing with visitors?

OP posts:
Naunet · 13/07/2023 19:45

Nope, not normal. He might have innocent intentions, but I wouldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt.

I hope you’re enjoying some aspects of living here OP and this twat is a one off! X

orangeleavesinautumn · 13/07/2023 19:46

Do you WANT to be grabbing coffees with him? If so just tell him to text rather than turn up - if not just tell him to stop asking.

It is not very normal, no, but there are people in every culture who's behaviour is not defined by that culture

Saschka · 13/07/2023 19:46

Sounds like a stalker! It is more British to refuse to open your door when somebody knocks, unless you’ve arranged something at least two weeks ahead of time with them.

Rachaelrachael · 13/07/2023 19:47

Definitely not normal, I'd absolutely hate for even a close female friend to do this! He's trying his luck for sex

Naunet · 13/07/2023 19:47

Oh god, I just thought, I wonder if he’s turning up early to see if you have a man staying over. Does he seem like he might be the jealous type?

dontlookgottalook · 13/07/2023 19:48

InTheStars · 13/07/2023 19:42

I'm European myself, but have lived here for a long time. It's definitely intrusive and absolutely not typically British.

@InTheStars sorry InTheStars I don't mean to be pedantic but British people are also European. We are sadly no longer in the EU but our place in this continent has not changed.

Squiggo · 13/07/2023 19:49

Nothing spontaneous happens at 8am in my house, I can barely even tolerate my family before 9.30am

AdaColeman · 13/07/2023 19:49

No, not normal.
At that time of the morning he's hoping to catch you déshabillé, and that you will invite him in for "coffee"!
Be very wary!