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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher gifts - ungrateful shit!

530 replies

Hufflemuff · 13/07/2023 09:23

More of a rant than a question to be fair!

I was listening to Heart radio this morning and they had a teacher on called "Mc Grammer" (a rapping teacher - cringe) who was discussing teacher gifts and "what not to buy"...

He said one of the worse gifts he ever got from a student was a Rock - because the pupil said "he rocked" (aww) and some Doritos because that was the pupils favourite crisps (bless). He also said mugs were mostly an unwanted present "there's only so many cups of tea you can drink" apparently.

He said in the past he's gotten an Arsenal shirt, Nando's gift sets and gift cards... He said you should get to know the teacher to find out what they like and buy them something personal to them.

AIBU to be totally pissed off by this mans arrogance. It was totally tone deaf during the middle of a cost of living crisis to suggest parents buy gift cards (the minimum of which is usually £10) and other expensive presents in order for it to be considered a worthwhile gift. The fact he poo-pooed that boys rock as "one of the worse" gifts, which admittedly you wouldn't put on your mantel piece but the sentiment was there. He didn't consider that the boys parents might not have the money to buy a 'real' gift but he still wanted to give him something.

Ah!!! I was so very cross. It was the expectation to get something as a certainty and even then, he might not have been satisfied with it.

I have teachers in the family and they are always happy to get anything at all, no matter what it is. I think he was a really bad representation of all those caring teachers and Heart did the profession a real disservice by having him on.

Rant over! Gah!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
TooBigForMyBoots · 14/07/2023 02:48

I gave DS2's teacher cheese. She was grateful.

Just because some bloke teacher is an entitled arsehole, doesn't mean all teachers are.

VashtaNerada · 14/07/2023 03:20

I think I’m the only teacher out there who has never been given a mug and would actually quite like one 😁
That teacher sounds awful, that is absolutely not how most of us think.

BouleBaker · 14/07/2023 03:45

I ended up on some mailing list where companies were recommending £70 desk sets, Fortnum champagne hampers and hand picked hotel stays as teachers gifts.

DS's teacher will not be receiving these...

Teacher gifts - ungrateful shit!
Teacher gifts - ungrateful shit!
Teacher gifts - ungrateful shit!
shiningcuckoo · 14/07/2023 04:41

What a tosser! I have taught young primary children for 25 years and I expect nothing by way of a present. Some of the mot memorable things I have been given cost nothing or very little - a few flowers from the garden, a painted rock, four homemade brownies (which i did eat btw), a piece of quiche and salad for my lunch. I have also been given a kitten which a child found in a barn (and i kept her - she became my much loved pet), a pet mouse (cost me a fortune to buy the cage for her and all her toys) and a long wooden pole expertly cut by a farmer dad from the woods to serve as a clothes prop (I had told the kids a story about my washing line prop snapping in the wind).

shiningcuckoo · 14/07/2023 04:45

However, I was once very sick with cancer , a solo mum of two and my sick pay had run out. I needed more time off for a surgery. A parent found me in tears one afternoon at school after a fractious conversation with the head. A week later the parent returned with an envelope full of cash for me - the parents had had a whip round for me knowing that flowers and chocolate were not what I needed at that time.

ChellyT · 14/07/2023 04:47

It's almost as if they do this all for free, in the spare time!

After the shittest 2-3 school years here in Australia, where a lot of teachers have barely showed up! Our Teacher's Ass ran an ad campaign for a pay increase under the slogan 'More than thanks' that they would like more than thanks!

ChellyT · 14/07/2023 04:53

No one would do a whip around for you if you weren't the kind hearted, thoughtful teacher that you sound like. I hope you've made a fun recovery 🌺

stayathomer · 14/07/2023 04:59

The rock thing is fab!! That guy should not be a teacher- he doesn’t’get’ kids obviously!!!

momonpurpose · 14/07/2023 05:27

Jellycatspyjamas · 13/07/2023 09:25

That’s appalling, I hope the children who have him the rock and the Doritos didn’t hear him being so disrespectful.

Exactly! Those kids gave from their hearts!

DidyouNO · 14/07/2023 05:58

My parents never bought my teachers gifts ever, no one did. When my eldest DCs we're little it was a homemade picture or colouring from them and a thank you card from me with a box of chocolates. Now it's become ridiculous, expensive and competitive and after a very derogatory comment from a teacher I stopped giving. Thankfully our school sees what's happening and actively says not to buy anything but if the children would like to make something that'd be lovely. Getting back to being grateful and not just trying to one up other parents.

ManonDe · 14/07/2023 06:55

carduelis · 13/07/2023 21:42

In my very first year of teaching my Year 7 class (who I adored) were horrified to discover I cycled into school because I didn’t have a car. They promised they’d club together to buy me one at the end of the year and it became a bit of a running joke (“sorry I forgot my homework, but don’t forget we’re going to buy you a car…”)

At the end of the year they proudly presented me with a beautiful little silver toy Mini. It’s still my favourite ever teacher gift (and I’m still
cycling into school 20 years later!).

I love this story!

scaredysquiggle · 14/07/2023 07:04

I hated end of year presents as a parent. One year we all gave 2/3 pounds each and made a hamper of nice things which was brilliant.

I have a TA (ex school friend) on my Facebook acc and she posts pictures of her 'haul' every year which makes me 🫤

NameChange245 · 14/07/2023 07:38

shiningcuckoo · 14/07/2023 04:41

What a tosser! I have taught young primary children for 25 years and I expect nothing by way of a present. Some of the mot memorable things I have been given cost nothing or very little - a few flowers from the garden, a painted rock, four homemade brownies (which i did eat btw), a piece of quiche and salad for my lunch. I have also been given a kitten which a child found in a barn (and i kept her - she became my much loved pet), a pet mouse (cost me a fortune to buy the cage for her and all her toys) and a long wooden pole expertly cut by a farmer dad from the woods to serve as a clothes prop (I had told the kids a story about my washing line prop snapping in the wind).

Awww you sound so lovely!!

MyPenIsHuge · 14/07/2023 08:23

I got our teacher and TA a box of green & blacks chocolate £4 each on offer ar Asda. Plus a handmade card. I'm not made of money but they've both been amazing with my kiddo. If they don't like it they can give it to a food bank or friend.

Sarvanga38 · 14/07/2023 08:58

OpalescentFly · 13/07/2023 10:44

I saw these in Aldi at the weekend

https://www.aldi.co.uk/thank-you-teacher-love-hearts-toy/p/727035737664500

My immediate thought is some poor teachers are going to end up with multiples and multiple parents are going to waste a fiver on it.

Sinking the heart of every teacher who has noticed them in the run up to half term, and coming soon to a charity shop near you in their dozens ... 😂

Schools should be stating that gifts are not permitted, and shame on media coverage that suggests some of the high priced items mentioned as good ideas.

If they must be done though, surely everyone asked for £1 each and all kids to do a card would be the very best idea. M&S/John Lewis voucher so it can be spent on food or treats, job done.

MissingMoominMamma · 14/07/2023 09:01

Divebar2021 · 13/07/2023 09:44

My sister is a reception teacher in a not very wealthy area and she will sometimes get a box of maltesers or homemade jam or honey ( yummy). Absolutely no criticism from her about anything she receives. My DD goes to school in a different area and our class collection for reception bought tea for 2 at the Ritz. I mean talk about overkill. We’ve always baked biscuits although I nearly stopped after reading on here from one teacher who posted on MN that the bins were full on the last day of term and no teacher would ever touch anything homemade.

I loved homemade gifts (fudge, biscuits etc). But then again, I’m not an ungrateful arse!

Coolhwip · 14/07/2023 09:02

OpalescentFly · 13/07/2023 10:44

I saw these in Aldi at the weekend

https://www.aldi.co.uk/thank-you-teacher-love-hearts-toy/p/727035737664500

My immediate thought is some poor teachers are going to end up with multiples and multiple parents are going to waste a fiver on it.

I thought that was an egg cup at first and thought it was useful at least 🤣

fartfacenotfatface · 14/07/2023 09:06

He did come across as ungrateful (the rock and Doritos were well meaning gifts).

However he has a point that the tacky 'best teacher' gifts are a shocking waste of money and terrible for the environment. Who really thinks that a teacher needs or wants 30 mugs / ornaments / scrabble art per year? Most end up in landfill as they have no use or purpose and the teachers can't keep them all year after year.

Almost all the teachers that I know would genuinely rather parents saved their cash and just wrote a nice card or even chucked 50p or a £1 into a pool to buy a single nice gift on behalf of the whole class, such as a nice bottle of wine or a gift card.

Most would genuinely rather have a £10 Costa card from the whole class rather than have each parent spend £5+ on something that is just lost in sea of tat. That's £150+ that's been spent (collectively) on stuff that will not be used which is a shocking waste. Especially when times are hard.

Fizbosshoes · 14/07/2023 09:16

I'm glad there are teachers here who eat home made stuff, I hope DDs teachers did, but too late to worry about that now!

I always try to email or write to school throughout the year if they've done something that my DC have really enjoyed, or has exceeded expectation. My DS had 2 brilliant trips coming off the back of covid which he absolutely loved. I know residential trips are a huge deal to organise at the best of times and with covid restrictions thrown in, I know it would have added a whole new layer of stress. Both times I've emailed the head (or in high school HOY and form tutor) to thank them and mention particular teachers. My DD actually really hated her residential trips but I wrote to the teacher to thank her because she had been very kind when DD had been homesick in the middle of the night and wanted to come home.
I work in a job where I get very very little positive feedback and it can be soul destroying at times, so I am keen to give positive feedback when it's due.

BungalowBuyer · 14/07/2023 09:26

TBH I never bothered with teacher gifts unless someone did a collection, from what I saw they got plenty.

mastertomsmum · 14/07/2023 09:26

Giving a gift should not feel compulsory, I can think of few professions other than primary school teaching where there is even the slightest expectation that gifts are given for basically doing your job. Of course, many teachers go above and beyond but that still shouldn’t raise the act of giving a gift from ‘nice parent/child gesture’ to ‘compulsory showing of gratitude’. In my son’s first school class we had a self appointed class parent rep and they organised a collection from the parents to give gift vouchers to the class teacher and TA. More money suggested for teacher than TA. The reception teacher was ok but her classroom assistant was amazing. I asked the sums donated to be reversed. Still the best TA we ever encountered. Over the years I’ve seen all sorts of approaches. The most common source of presents is show off parents, usually well off ones. Contrary to what the person on the radio said, the more meaningful gifts are little things the child has chosen or made. My favourite story re teacher presents was when a very goth/alt hippy mum gave her DC’s teacher a skull patterned scarf ‘because you admired my scarf, I’ve bought you one the same’. It didn’t really look like they shared a style ethos but the gift showed thought and you can’t argue with that.

tigger1001 · 14/07/2023 09:34

I never gave a teacher a gift. Did a letter instead showing the difference they made to my children, and thanking them for their hard work etc.

Op, I agree the teacher in your op is just an ungrateful shit!

steppemum · 14/07/2023 09:40

shiningcuckoo · 14/07/2023 04:45

However, I was once very sick with cancer , a solo mum of two and my sick pay had run out. I needed more time off for a surgery. A parent found me in tears one afternoon at school after a fractious conversation with the head. A week later the parent returned with an envelope full of cash for me - the parents had had a whip round for me knowing that flowers and chocolate were not what I needed at that time.

this is so lovely

As an ex teacher in a poor area I really didn't want my kids families to spend money they didn't have on gifts.
If they asked I used to say I love chocolates and then as a class we all shared the boxes of chocs, which they loved too. (probably couldn't do that now)

But I did genuinely love and treasure the notes and cards that had personal messgaes in.

steppemum · 14/07/2023 09:41

I can think of few professions other than primary school teaching where there is even the slightest expectation that gifts are given for basically doing your job.

surely that is exacty what tipping is?

Mmhmmn · 14/07/2023 10:01

Teacher gifts are absolute nonsense. Teachers receive a salary and pension and many weeks' holiday as reward for their work - and hopefully a sense of reward from actually doing the job without gifts from stressed and skint parents Ridiculous