Teacher gifts - ungrateful shit!

[Hufflemuff]

More of a rant than a question to be fair!

I was listening to Heart radio this morning and they had a teacher on called "Mc Grammer" (a rapping teacher - cringe) who was discussing teacher gifts and "what not to buy"...

He said one of the worse gifts he ever got from a student was a Rock - because the pupil said "he rocked" (aww) and some Doritos because that was the pupils favourite crisps (bless). He also said mugs were mostly an unwanted present "there's only so many cups of tea you can drink" apparently.

He said in the past he's gotten an Arsenal shirt, Nando's gift sets and gift cards... He said you should get to know the teacher to find out what they like and buy them something personal to them.

AIBU to be totally pissed off by this mans arrogance. It was totally tone deaf during the middle of a cost of living crisis to suggest parents buy gift cards (the minimum of which is usually £10) and other expensive presents in order for it to be considered a worthwhile gift. The fact he poo-pooed that boys rock as "one of the worse" gifts, which admittedly you wouldn't put on your mantel piece but the sentiment was there. He didn't consider that the boys parents might not have the money to buy a 'real' gift but he still wanted to give him something.

Ah!!! I was so very cross. It was the expectation to get something as a certainty and even then, he might not have been satisfied with it.

I have teachers in the family and they are always happy to get anything at all, no matter what it is. I think he was a really bad representation of all those caring teachers and Heart did the profession a real disservice by having him on.

Rant over! Gah!

You don't need to get them anything. Most teachers are seeing horrendous poverty at the minute and would be horrified if they thought parents were tying themselves in knots spending money they don't have just to show appreciation.

If you want to do something get your kid to draw a picture or something like that and stick it in a card with a note explaining what it is you appreciate about them.

I'm on the whole not a fan of parents getting to know me because I'm boring and not really a people person, but the best present I ever received was a cocktail in a can with a trashy magazine wrapped around it. It was right up my street and gave me a lovely Friday night at the end of a long term.

If people feel pressured and want to keep up with the Joneses, that's up to them.

No one is chasing me for any amount in my kids school. I know that some parents have given a £5, there's a lot of £20 and a couple of parents have donated £50.

If I was pressured, I would do my own thing, how hard can it be.

I think a card/gift is as much for the children as the teachers, tbh, teaching them gratitude and generosity - a bit like thank you cards which I seem to have lost the will to do - but that really really doesn't need lots of money spent, that's not the point.

I love the idea of a special rock.

My son overheard his year 1 teacher say her scissors were broken. He used his own pocket money to buy her a new pair as an end of year thank you present.
When he gave her the gift, and told her why he'd bought them, she said all the right things, but when we popped back into the class 15 mins later for his forgotten PE kit she was slagging the scissors off to the TA as a strange and cheap gift.
Ds didn't hear her, but I did. Never bought another gift for anyone in that school again.

That's dreadful. I very rarely bought my DS's teachers anything and I certainly didn't contribute to buy something expensive.

My ex was a lecturer at a uni and his most favorite gift was a Terry's Chocolate Orange! They were only about a pound then and he didn't half go on about it!

@wholivesondrurylane

how do you know what people have donated?

because the organiser ask for one or 2 people to check the transactions, so no one can accuse anyone of putting money in their pocket...

That's the one good thing with a set amount, which we haven't got, it stops any possible query.

That’s horrible! How thoughtful of your son to think of and remember that. This teacher would have loved it.

I don't buy anything most years, occasionally I'll bake some cupcakes for them to take in.
I have 5 school aged children, I can't afford gift cards or anything lavish (my show off of a sister insisted on buying pandora bracelets for her daughter's teachers 🙄) and I resent when we are asked to all 'donate' a fiver to a big present.

I'm constantly being told it's "only a fiver" by other parents.
To them and their one or two kids, yes, it's not a lot.
To me, that's £25.

I was listening this morning open mouthed 🤯 I worked in Childcare for many years and hand on heart the best presents I ever got were hand-made cards with beautiful personal messages inside. I still have some 10/20 years later. I would have adored a child giving me a rock and telling me it was because I rocked. When I was a Nanny I was given cash bonuses, expensive jewellery, designer handbags (sorry not intended as a brag) and although it was lovely and I certainly didn’t complain - the most treasured gifts were beaded jewellery made by the children and the handmade cards. It really is the thought that counts.

I haven’t heard the interview but that made me cringe. Did he genuinely say worst presents, rather than e.g. most unusual or memorable? If so he’s an absolute arse.

It’s been said many times, but cards and messages from the children really are treasured-teachers don’t expect gifts.

The thing I’d most value is something for the classroom- pencils or glue sticks would be perfect, and I love the book idea mentioned above.

That's terrible! And makes me really angry. I would LOVE a rock from my pupils and it would have pride of place on my desk (even better if it's painted).

Absolutely agree. Handwritten card/notes from child and/or parent are the best! Nothing else required imo.

A Christmas card was all my kids ever gave to their teachers. I think most teachers would be glad not to be overwhelmed with unwanted tat carefully chosen gifts. Most people are trying to rid their homes of unwanted and unused "stuff", why would teachers be any different.

Awful. As a secondary teacher I expect nothing. I'm always touched to receive a card or drawing from a pupil. I vowed never to be like a friend's dm, (now a retired primary school teacher) who used to get tons of gifts, go through them all once home and screw up her face whilst saying, that's rubbish, I'm binning that! Horrible behaviour!

I’m a teacher and i would be delighted with a box of chocolates , a candle or a bottle of Prosecco ! £5 limit Max .

I would be equally as pleased with a homemade card ! It’s a gesture that makes us feel so grateful for all we do and that’s the whole point . £5 max spend 💕

@Nicknacky

Yes, I post on Teams at October and April that I do not want gifts. It's tricky to word as it immediately establishes you were expecting them.

I also post on Teams requesting a box of tissues and soap from each family if they are able to contribute. I label them and each time we get a box or soap out I thank the child for their contribution to our classroom environment.

COL is a factor - but hard to believe when the same parent claiming COL for being a cheapskate is going on quite a nice holiday this summer (case in my daughter's class).

They're probably saying that as an excuse when what they want to say is "I don't want to get the teacher a present". Which shouldn't be an unreasonable position to take.
My mum is a teacher and loves nicely written thank you cards (she teaches gcse and 6th form) and does not expect anyone to be spending money on her. I know class gifts aren't a secondary school thing, but she'd be mortified if she thought people were judging other parents for not contributing to a gift!

Tbh just your acknowledgement of how hard teachers work would be enough of a gift for me if I taught your kids!

He is not far wrong though. I have many family members and friends who are teachers and they honestly do not want all the crap gifts. Give nothing or a card.

Not even a voucher?

This is why we do a class first. We give what we can afford and then usually get a voucher for somewhere that can be used in lots of places

And a card where we all say something

I do think some gifts are crap like my oldest first year at school and the pushy mams took it upon themselves to demand we all pay for their 'group' present.

We had no say in it and It was a MASSIVE. It was a finger print tree poster that they made themselves that certainly didnt cost £5pp (which equals £150) for paper and an ink pad. What teach wants a massive poster of smudged kids fingerprints though? there wasn't even anyway to know what kids it was etc...

I learned my lesson and ran away every time I saw those parents coming from then on... If I got cornered I conveniently had forgotten my purse.

I like to buy my own gift for them, I find useful supplies mixed with something for the teacher (like a box of prit sticks for the class and a nice fancy best teacher cookie etc...) goes down well enough, isn't trying too hard (non of the keeping up with the jones one upmanship) and is useful and inoffensive.

I think the rock is adorable (especially if its a cool rock or crystal which are still pretty cheap) and Dorritos thats an inoffensive and practical present. They are the types of presents that I think are best... small or usable but not something they will get 30 replicas of.

I can't remember who said it but the family who send in donuts and pizza during the last week - thank you for the great idea!

Unfortunately takeaways here often won't deliver to schools but I'm eyeing up a big box of Krispy Kreme donuts to send in with DS on Monday.

I'm also planning on a card / cards and an email to the head.

Would you have him make just the one card to 'all' of his teachers and TA? (two teachers, three TA's - it's a special needs school and they have all changed his life so much, no exaggeration, he's like a different child)

I want to express my gratitude to each of them but cannot for the life of me think of what to write in separate cards and don't just want to write the same thing in several.

Still remember children being upset and even apologising for not bringing a gift ( as if turning up to a party without a birthday present) I always made it clear gifts weren’t necessary.

I remember being that child. I vividly remember in year 1 sitting round in a circle while everyone gave the teacher their present (I assume the teacher did this as a way to appreciate each gift, so the child saw her open it etc). I was genuinely really nervous as it came closer to my turn, thinking I was going to be in trouble for not having anything. Thankfully by coincidence I was sitting next to the only other child in the class who also hadn't brought one, and in unison we sort of hung our heads and said "we're really sorry, we didn't get you anything". It's one of my earliest memories of school.