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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher gifts - ungrateful shit!

530 replies

Hufflemuff · 13/07/2023 09:23

More of a rant than a question to be fair!

I was listening to Heart radio this morning and they had a teacher on called "Mc Grammer" (a rapping teacher - cringe) who was discussing teacher gifts and "what not to buy"...

He said one of the worse gifts he ever got from a student was a Rock - because the pupil said "he rocked" (aww) and some Doritos because that was the pupils favourite crisps (bless). He also said mugs were mostly an unwanted present "there's only so many cups of tea you can drink" apparently.

He said in the past he's gotten an Arsenal shirt, Nando's gift sets and gift cards... He said you should get to know the teacher to find out what they like and buy them something personal to them.

AIBU to be totally pissed off by this mans arrogance. It was totally tone deaf during the middle of a cost of living crisis to suggest parents buy gift cards (the minimum of which is usually £10) and other expensive presents in order for it to be considered a worthwhile gift. The fact he poo-pooed that boys rock as "one of the worse" gifts, which admittedly you wouldn't put on your mantel piece but the sentiment was there. He didn't consider that the boys parents might not have the money to buy a 'real' gift but he still wanted to give him something.

Ah!!! I was so very cross. It was the expectation to get something as a certainty and even then, he might not have been satisfied with it.

I have teachers in the family and they are always happy to get anything at all, no matter what it is. I think he was a really bad representation of all those caring teachers and Heart did the profession a real disservice by having him on.

Rant over! Gah!

OP posts:
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Jellycatspyjamas · 13/07/2023 09:25

That’s appalling, I hope the children who have him the rock and the Doritos didn’t hear him being so disrespectful.

Pkhsvd · 13/07/2023 09:25

That’s awful and fuels my fears about what to get my DCs teacher as I’m worried about giving a rubbish gift but money is also very tight at the moment. The idea of getting to know the teacher to know what they like sounds quite ridiculous really, I barely see my DCs teacher and I can’t rely on a young child to tell me what her teachers interests are.

Coolhwip · 13/07/2023 09:25

Difficult to say if YANBU having not heard him, but I’d imagine some parents might welcome the guidance on what not to get.

We never got our teachers gifts in the 90s.

ReaIIyThough · 13/07/2023 09:27

I cant imagine the mountains of stuff teachers are given each year.....where are they supposed to put it all? Loads of wine, chocolates, personalised things that have just an individual child's name....like teachers don't have an extra house to store all this stuff in. I'd rather contribute as a class to a gift card, bigger cash gift if anything.

Original poster
Hufflemuff · 13/07/2023 09:27

Pkhsvd · 13/07/2023 09:25

That’s awful and fuels my fears about what to get my DCs teacher as I’m worried about giving a rubbish gift but money is also very tight at the moment. The idea of getting to know the teacher to know what they like sounds quite ridiculous really, I barely see my DCs teacher and I can’t rely on a young child to tell me what her teachers interests are.

Yes I agree - thank you for articulating for me though... there's a social pressure isn't there which is unfair!

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 13/07/2023 09:28

Sounds like an arse-sadly there are those all over the place and he isn’t representative of most teachers.

The nicest presents I’ve had have been handwritten letters from parents thanking me for teaching their child-they didn’t cost anything but their time and a piece of paper.

TizerorFizz · 13/07/2023 09:28

Many teachers like a thank you card!!! That’s all. Never bought gifts as an individual parent. Did make a parental contribution for a class gift. JL voucher. Do not waste money on landfill tat! Get Dc to make a card.

Icandothis1970 · 13/07/2023 09:30

It was never a 'thing' to buy teachers a present "in my day" (🤣); it was a home made card, bunch of flowers/bar of choc...if my parents could afford to buy it! (Talking 80s here). I did same for my kids teachers too despite the pressure of school playground mums asking for £10/£20 to go into a kitty to buy the teacher a spa day/whatever expensive item.

That teacher sounds very arrogant and entitled OP. I'd feel same as you if I'd heard it.

DorisElward · 13/07/2023 09:31

Homemade cards and letters have always been my favourite gifts.

my daughter gave her teacher a potato one year when I hadn’t organised anything.

SummerSunSoon · 13/07/2023 09:32

To be fair, best teacher mugs are shit gifts so I agree with him there.

Icandothis1970 · 13/07/2023 09:34

DorisElward · 13/07/2023 09:31

Homemade cards and letters have always been my favourite gifts.

my daughter gave her teacher a potato one year when I hadn’t organised anything.

Oh bless her! That's so funny!

Namechangenoo · 13/07/2023 09:37

I think thankyou cards, signed by the children should be the standard and any gifts are a bonus. I am planning on a card and small token chocolate gift for two teachers and two TA's this year. Never heard of anyone giving nando's vouchers or similar.

Unclecornelius · 13/07/2023 09:37

It’s a far cry from an apple.
Teachers don’t need gifts.
Just encourage your dc to behave at school, job done.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 13/07/2023 09:38

While I agree with him about the mugs, him mentioning specific gifts that the giver will know were from them is just horrible. What a dick.

I'm giving a box of Thornton's and a card from my son. I don't even know all of their names, let alone individual likes and dislikes!

MassageHands · 13/07/2023 09:39

Teachers don't have to receive gifts. It may be a nice gesture but it's not a must.
I'm married to a teacher. None of the teachers I know expect gifts and they all are very appreciative when a child gives them something, especially if is a hand made craft specifically for their favourite teacher(oh! it makes emotional now🥲!!!) or when parents chip in towards a gift card.
The best gift to a good teacher are well behaved and willing to learn pupils.

Tinybrother · 13/07/2023 09:40

A nice card/note/email is my husband’s favourite. He would be thrilled with a packet of crisps!

Mariposista · 13/07/2023 09:41

'World's best teacher' memorabilia of ANY kind is naff and unwanted - just don't bother!
You can get the teacher something thoughtful without spending a lot of money, or team up with a couple of the child's friends. COL is a factor - but hard to believe when the same parent claiming COL for being a cheapskate is going on quite a nice holiday this summer (case in my daughter's class).

UniPsychle · 13/07/2023 09:42

When I was a teacher I always appreciated the thought behind gifts. But I really didn't want them, mainly because the families I taught could ill afford them. But also because most of them ended up being regifted or taken to a charity shop in a different town as they weren't right for me. As a teacher, your private life is quite rightly kept away from your work so families can't know whether/what you drink, if you're on a diet, already have hundreds of mugs etc.

I loved all the cards I had and kept them - they were great motivation on difficult days.

If people really want to do a gift, class collections are a much better idea. Or some biscuits/nice tea/coffee for the staffroom.

Divebar2021 · 13/07/2023 09:44

My sister is a reception teacher in a not very wealthy area and she will sometimes get a box of maltesers or homemade jam or honey ( yummy). Absolutely no criticism from her about anything she receives. My DD goes to school in a different area and our class collection for reception bought tea for 2 at the Ritz. I mean talk about overkill. We’ve always baked biscuits although I nearly stopped after reading on here from one teacher who posted on MN that the bins were full on the last day of term and no teacher would ever touch anything homemade.

stargirl1701 · 13/07/2023 09:45

As a teacher, I always ask parents not to buy me gifts. I would ALWAYS prefer a handmade card from the child I actually taught.

Failing that, a packet of Percy Pigs! One year I got 27... 😂

Last 2 years, I have managed to persuade some parents to give me a second hand children's book for my class library with a message from the child I taught. THE best option!

TheChosenTwo · 13/07/2023 09:45

I loved the letter and cards more than anything else. Mugs were added to the burgeoning staffroom collection, I don’t drink tea or coffee and we already have too many mugs at home!
I’m the least sentimental person in the world and quite the minimalist but at the back of my wardrobe is a big box which contains every thank you card and letter I received from students and their parents. I have left that profession now, traded it in for one where pissed off parents aren’t berating me for doing my job, but occasionally when I’m having a wardrobe clear out I look through that box and relive some truly wonderful moments.
Those personal heartfelt words of gratitude are the most thoughtful things a teacher could ever hope to receive.
Save your cash and write a lovely card!

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 13/07/2023 09:45

DH and several friends are teachers. None of them expect gifts but all of them would appreciate a card or a box of biscuits (shortbread is a sure fire winner).

None of them like receiving the various Best Teacher mugs/glasses/pens etc because no one has room for them.
One year DH received 12 mugs and he doesn't drink hot drinks so they were a complete waste.

the80sweregreat · 13/07/2023 09:46

He sounds horrible

SparklyLogic · 13/07/2023 09:46

Having worked in schools for sometime I would say a handmade card with a nice message if absolutely fine.

Otherwise something that doesn’t need to be kept…I’ve done gift bags of Pimms and scones etc, or beer and retro sweets…or stationery…teachers can never have too much stationery!

dottiedodah · 13/07/2023 09:47

My cousins and also my Friends were Teachers .They were all grateful for small pressies, esp as My Cousin and her DC both worked in fairly poor areas. However if everyone buys a "Best Teacher " mug then charity shops would fill up very fast ! When my Son was in Primary School (mid 2000s) One of the parents would organise a whip round for a couple of pounds each, for Teacher and TA as well.So £60 split twice equals £30.00 each .Nice pressie.