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AIBU?

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Original poster

To allow my son to do this on holiday?

342 replies

HistoryRepeat · 12/07/2023 10:18

4 years old. Loves the water. But can't swim. We go every week in the kids pool and he's leaning to kick, use a float.

We are on holiday. There is a big slide and it goes into a deep plunge pool. The pool is only as wide as a bath. Very small but v deep.

DH saying DS not allowed to go as deep and he can't swim. I say he should be able to go and I stand at the bottom and catch him. The kids do go under but I would be right there. Its such a small pool, you can touch each side. I know he can't swim but if someone is literally stood there to catch him? He did go down one slide and went under for 2 seconds, he was a bit shocked but again I was right there scooped him up and he wanted to again.

Anyway turned into a big thing as DS is obsessed with going and DH insistingjust paddle pools. DH is safety obsessed imo but he says I'm being ridiculous and that I need to trust him and respect his viewpoint and I'm not presenting a united front.

Kids currently watching screens, DH off in a huff and me wandering why I work all year to afford to take them on holiday.

Would you let your kid who can't swim on the big slides if you were at the bottom? Am I being lax?

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 12/07/2023 14:57

Spangers · 12/07/2023 13:57

“I wouldn't allow it. Suppose you suffer a medical emergency at the crucial moment and were unable to retrieve your child?”

Do people really think like this? How do you leave the house?

Exactly on this basis you-
a) shouldn’t drive
b) shouldn’t take your child out without another adult
c) shouldn’t eat at the same time as your child
etc etc etc

ErrolTheDragon · 12/07/2023 14:58

He's mad with me for not backing him or "questioning him"

That sounds problematic ... of course you should be able to 'question him'. Ideally not in front of the kids.

GnomeDePlume · 12/07/2023 15:09

YouWhatYouWhat · 12/07/2023 14:53

"It isnt falling out so much as the child being clattered by a much heavier child or adult coming down much, much faster."

It is if he's standing up when the adult flies into him full pelt

Fair point but I think we both agree that getting clattered is a significant risk.

DSiL is a lifeguard and says parents hanging around at the end of the slides are a constant problem. They are totally focused on their own child and forget/don't care that there are other people.

I used to lifeguard and we would get parents trying to stay under the diving boards to encourage their nervous children along the board and then jump off at the end. Never occurred to them that a small child landing on their head might be a bit dangerous to them and the child.

rainbowunicorn · 12/07/2023 15:16

Pushmepullu · 12/07/2023 13:35

if it’s very deep, you will presumably be treading water waiting to catch him. When he shoots off the slide you will both go under with you holding him which could result in him panicking. Seems like a bad idea to me.

Maybe read the OPs updates before you post.

Stravaig · 12/07/2023 15:19

I'm quite intrigued by how many people are coming down strongly on one side or the other. To me there is only a balance to be found.

Apologies, caricatures incoming.

A scaredy-cat fun sponge and a reckless adventurer chose to have children together. On the face it, bonkers, right? But not if they can work together as a team, figure out a combined path, and present a united front to the kids. It could be a real positive, especially as the kids get older. However, if they make each other the bad parent, or let the kids play them off each other, it will be a disaster. OP and DH, do you accept your mission :D

Pushmepullu · 12/07/2023 15:26

rainbowunicorn · 12/07/2023 15:16

Maybe read the OPs updates before you post.

Show quote history

Maybe read the full thread before you post.

Dutch1e · 12/07/2023 16:58

HistoryRepeat · 12/07/2023 14:22

I like that people say FFS can't believe you're asking you awful woman...and then the next person says yeah of course, no problem.

Which I guess is kind of the point. As someone said there is no consensus

It's not busy by the way. 2 kids max waiting to go down. And then parents taking turns to stand at bottom to catch or for bigger kids no parent at bottom of course.

But the point that if DH says no then that's it really. He's mad with me for not backing him or "questioning him" but we move on

My DH is a much more fearful person than I am. We've had many conversations about it, primarily because our son is naturally cautious and my DH hated the idea that his OTT fears were rubbing off. I hated it too, although I don't need to say it.

It came to a head when DH tried to grab DS to stop him running in what he thought was an unsafe environment. He misjudged the grab, DS bounced off DH's hand and ended up under general anaesthetic for the 13 stitches that were needed after the collision with a sharp obstacle (that he had been navigating perfectly well until DH got involved).

DH was beside himself and we agreed it best that I kind of give him a signal when he should just not watch some situations.

This feels like one of those situations.

It's about more than a slide, it's a pattern that needs addressing for your family.

Rhondaa · 12/07/2023 17:01

Dutch1e · 12/07/2023 16:58

My DH is a much more fearful person than I am. We've had many conversations about it, primarily because our son is naturally cautious and my DH hated the idea that his OTT fears were rubbing off. I hated it too, although I don't need to say it.

It came to a head when DH tried to grab DS to stop him running in what he thought was an unsafe environment. He misjudged the grab, DS bounced off DH's hand and ended up under general anaesthetic for the 13 stitches that were needed after the collision with a sharp obstacle (that he had been navigating perfectly well until DH got involved).

DH was beside himself and we agreed it best that I kind of give him a signal when he should just not watch some situations.

This feels like one of those situations.

It's about more than a slide, it's a pattern that needs addressing for your family.

Show quote history

No, it really is about a water slide and a non swimmer.

That is nothing like your dh trying to grab your ds and him colliding with whatever.

Rhondaa · 12/07/2023 17:03

And tbh I'd probably grab dc if they were running near a sharp object too. Nothing 'fearful' about it, it's called parenting.

Dutch1e · 12/07/2023 17:06

Rhondaa · 12/07/2023 17:01

No, it really is about a water slide and a non swimmer.

That is nothing like your dh trying to grab your ds and him colliding with whatever.

Show quote history

Did you miss all the parts about OPs DH and his mum being irrationally fearful about a lot of stuff and how it affects her own family? And the part where OP can touch all sides of the 'pool' the kids land in at the bottom of the super-slow slide?

DinnaeFashYersel · 12/07/2023 17:07

My DH was a bit like OP's when ours were younger. Especially our PFB. A real helicopter parent who'd have wrapped them in cotton wool if he could. Hyperventilating and panicking over everything.

Whereas I'm the opposite. Fortunately he has got over it now.

And our kids didn't break - and are now confident teens/pre-teens.

Rhondaa · 12/07/2023 17:15

'Did you miss all the parts about OPs DH and his mum being irrationally fearful about a lot of stuff and how it affects her own family?'

Fine address the irrational stuff, a non swimmer on a water slide isn't an irrational fear.

Hairyfairy01 · 12/07/2023 17:16

I would have no issues with this whatsoever to be honest. Going under at the end is part of the fun! You are also there to help bring him up to the surface if need be and he wants to do it. I fail to see the issue.

FeigningConcern · 12/07/2023 17:18

Dotjones · 12/07/2023 10:23

I wouldn't allow it. Suppose you suffer a medical emergency at the crucial moment and were unable to retrieve your child?

It just feels like an unnecessary risk to me. Tell him that once he learns to swim properly he'll be allowed to use water equipment like this. He needs to learn to respect water though, it is deadly, many swimmers drown every year, and throwing someone who can't swim properly into the mix is asking for trouble.

That is the most MN thing I've ever read. What's the likelihood of her suffering a random medical emergency just in the two seconds it takes for her son to come down the slide ffs. And if the OP was very concerned about this unlikely event, her DH could watch as back up.

Original poster
HistoryRepeat · 12/07/2023 17:55

He's not going on the slide. DH still in weird mood. Takes him a long time to get past stuff. Also all families are Spanish and Dutch and my 4 year old can't get past the language barrier with the kids and is sad too. They keep running away from him. Thanks for the perspectives and for making me realise possibly in my desperate attempt to make him happy I was too ready to say yes. Though I do stand by every instinct I have is telling me he is absolutely safe as any water based activity. Hope you all have happier holidays!

OP posts:
SilverGlitterBaubles · 12/07/2023 18:09

While on the face of it this seems reasonable, I've seen older kids and teens come too fast down a slide behind a younger child and land on top of them causing the child to be pushed under. I have also witnessed 2 near drownings in pools on holiday where children were not confident swimmers but desperate to follow other kids and went out of their depth or just jumped straight in after other kids while their parents backs were turned for just a second. Both very frightening experiences and made me realise that those with a little confidence but not yet swimmers were the ones to watch especially in busy pools. You just can't be careful enough when it comes to kids and water

GnomeDePlume · 13/07/2023 13:22

@HistoryRepeat I do wonder if it would be worth you and your DH sitting down (maybe facilitated by a counsellor) and talking through your attitudes to risk as they are diametrically opposed at the moment.

At the moment it feels to me as though when looking at a new situation, rather than talking it through you both come at it with totally opposite positions already decided.

Namechangenoo · 13/07/2023 13:42

I've done this, my son was in swimming lessons at the time and I thought it would help him build confidence in the water. There was a lifeguard whose job was to stand at the bottom of the slide and tell people at the top when they could go, so he would have seen anything going wrong.

Catching them can really hurt your arms/hands with the force that they fly out of the slide!

LouDeLou · 13/07/2023 17:59

I have done it, kid went under, came up spluttering and half drowned, shrieked with laughter and went on again.

Kids eh!

threatmatrix · 13/07/2023 18:00

Of course it’s fine. He will love and it give him confidence in the water.

Prettypaisleyslippers · 13/07/2023 18:02

Unless you can teach him to hold his breath I wouldn’t. He could breathe in water easily.

CantFindMyMarbles · 13/07/2023 18:13

So long as you’re there at the bottom to catch him I don’t see the issue. DH needs to give his head a wobble

MichB86 · 13/07/2023 18:18

I really don’t see a problem with this and I would class myself as a very anxious parent. One parent at the top the other at the bottom to catch him. We have done this numerous times at the local pool and at centre parcs and have seen numerous family’s doing the same. Floaty vests great as obviously adds that extra level of protection.

JenWillsiam · 13/07/2023 18:19

HistoryRepeat · 12/07/2023 14:22

I like that people say FFS can't believe you're asking you awful woman...and then the next person says yeah of course, no problem.

Which I guess is kind of the point. As someone said there is no consensus

It's not busy by the way. 2 kids max waiting to go down. And then parents taking turns to stand at bottom to catch or for bigger kids no parent at bottom of course.

But the point that if DH says no then that's it really. He's mad with me for not backing him or "questioning him" but we move on

I’m gobsmacked anyone thinks it’s an issue. My now 6 year old was like your 2 year. Shooting down slides with us catching him at the bottom at a young age. He was swimming independently by 3 and now loves nothing more than being in the water. You’re fine.

JenWillsiam · 13/07/2023 18:20

SilverGlitterBaubles · 12/07/2023 18:09

While on the face of it this seems reasonable, I've seen older kids and teens come too fast down a slide behind a younger child and land on top of them causing the child to be pushed under. I have also witnessed 2 near drownings in pools on holiday where children were not confident swimmers but desperate to follow other kids and went out of their depth or just jumped straight in after other kids while their parents backs were turned for just a second. Both very frightening experiences and made me realise that those with a little confidence but not yet swimmers were the ones to watch especially in busy pools. You just can't be careful enough when it comes to kids and water

Mum is there. None of these things would happen. That’s all caused by parents not supervising their kids appropriately.