To allow my son to do this on holiday?

[HistoryRepeat]

4 years old. Loves the water. But can't swim. We go every week in the kids pool and he's leaning to kick, use a float.

We are on holiday. There is a big slide and it goes into a deep plunge pool. The pool is only as wide as a bath. Very small but v deep.

DH saying DS not allowed to go as deep and he can't swim. I say he should be able to go and I stand at the bottom and catch him. The kids do go under but I would be right there. Its such a small pool, you can touch each side. I know he can't swim but if someone is literally stood there to catch him? He did go down one slide and went under for 2 seconds, he was a bit shocked but again I was right there scooped him up and he wanted to again.

Anyway turned into a big thing as DS is obsessed with going and DH insistingjust paddle pools. DH is safety obsessed imo but he says I'm being ridiculous and that I need to trust him and respect his viewpoint and I'm not presenting a united front.

Kids currently watching screens, DH off in a huff and me wandering why I work all year to afford to take them on holiday.

Would you let your kid who can't swim on the big slides if you were at the bottom? Am I being lax?

@Mirabai

I don't think that's a problem. I mean it's a swimming pool. That's the fun of it.

But then I safely landed my helicopter a long time ago.

Really? And what if he panics as he can't swim and takes in a lungful of water? Ever heard of secondary drowing?

This seems a weird thing to take a stand on and potentially ruin your holiday due to ill feeling. If there is a slightly risky and non-compulsory activity and one parent doesn't want the kid to do it, then surely that parent gets the veto.

@Stravaig we are teaching him to swim too. We are here for many more days and there are lots of activities. We will get over the "big slide" saga by end of today I'm sure! I was just posting because I was interested in whether my sense of risk is off and what the consensus would be. I'm genuinely up for shifting my thinking if everyone including my husband thinks I'm barmy. My mum was very lax with us (leave us in the cloakroom in a buggy until 3am, throw us in the deep end literally) and maybe it's screwed me up. I'm just fed up of hearing DH say "what if" like his mother does and then I see the instant effect on DS.

I wouldn't, no. Im sure there's countless other fun things he could be doing that don't involve plunging into deep water when he can't swim. The fact that you and your DH appear to have made it this one thing or sitting in the room, and are questioning your holiday over whether a child goes on a slide is extreme.
While I don't suggest life should be risk free, I also don't see the need to push the envelope so everything has to get done at the earliest possible opportunity. He's 4 and has years ahead to enjoy more adventurous things. Meanwhile his father is entitled to have some peace of mind about safety.

I let mine go on slides but only in a flotation vest so I knew he can get back up to the surface easily when he lands.

But that's a risk whenever a child learns to swim. The swim teacher who watches toddlers jump from the pool side into the water is right there but the child might still take in water.

A child asking to go down the slide knowing there is a deep pool at the end isn't the same as chucking a kid in at the deep end in order to teach them to swim. A 4 yo can understand that they won't be able to touch the bottom. Mum is going to be right there.

Bigger and higher than I expected. With the pictured slide it would be a no for me for a 4 year old on that alone, swimming or not.

Especially when the rules around the pool seem lax.

I can’t understand why you’re arguing about it tbh. He’s 4. He can’t swim so you just say “nope, not this year I’m afraid, maybe next year. Now shall we go in the pool and play on the smaller slide?” and move on. Children don’t get to do everything they want, when they want to.

@HistoryRepeat

...me wondering why I work all year to afford to take them on holiday.

You're right. If the kid doesn't go down the slide the entire week's a washout for everyone involved. I mean, yeah - why do you even bother? It's just so unreasonable of your husband to express his concerns about the risk of harm coming to your kid. Really. Well, just tell him that after the divorce you'll have separate holidays with your son, and then if he wants to spoil everything he'll bloody well be able to, won't he?

Don't go down with him, that could be a recipe for disaster! If the slide isn't manned what happens if another child comes behind him and you can't get out of the pool quick enough before they clatter into you

if it’s very deep, you will presumably be treading water waiting to catch him. When he shoots off the slide you will both go under with you holding him which could result in him panicking. Seems like a bad idea to me.

We let my 4 year old do similar slides into deep (for them) pools with arm bands on and stood at bottom. Didn’t even think twice about it.

Of course it's fine to do this. And I think I can be quite anxious at times!

What about you going down with him? That'll be fine.

If you still have many days left, would it work for everyone to set some conditions and work towards it? DS would have extra motivation to improve his water orientation/swimming and your DH might feel better if the big step is broken into smaller ones. It isn't about swimming 50 meters, it is a about getting more experience with deep pool, head under water, jumping, 4 isn't too young to work on this skills with a parent who is a good swimmer.

Looking at that picture...
It's your some heavy enough that you are sure he won't stop on the slide? This could be dangerous as he may stand up and walk down (fall from height risk) or could get hit by next rider.

Make it clear that he MUST not stand and must bum shuffle if he gets stuck and have someone at the top stopping anyone else going down until he pops out (DH or older sibling).

I was interested in whether my sense of risk is off and what the consensus would be.

I think what this thread has shown is that there is no consensus.

I want to support my children pushing themselves if safe to do so.
That's good (well... 'enable' rather than 'push' perhaps, especially when there's little). But a big slide on holiday just isn't worth a fight, it's not like it's a life skill that if he doesn't do now will matter one way or another. He can enjoy the smaller one, doubtless when he can swim he'll be able to do bigger ones.
At 4, my dd wouldn't have wanted to go on any slides. Was this a problem? No. At 10 onwards, she turned into a windsurfer and sailor, spending most of her summer Saturdays falling into cold water. As an adult she's a kayaker.

Parents who insist on being in the pool to catch their too young children off slides are a total pain in the bum.

They all jostle with each other to get into position, their child then gets in the way of everyone else has they hesitate.

Sometimes another child will get tired of waiting and push ahead so now parent is in the way of a much more adventurous child who may be looking to get a long 'flight' off the end of the slide.

Plenty of opportunity for people to get injured.

@HistoryRepeat Ha, I was apparently thrown into the deep end of a pool as a baby, before I could even walk! I was quite the wee fish as a pre-schooler (not in the UK). So I get it. Me, I'd be pragmatic, and dangle the slide as a lure for one of the last days, IF his swimming has improved enough. Make him work for it :)

It sounds like there's a conversation needed with DH, about hashing out your different approaches to risk/adventure/fun in private, NOT in front of little ones. Then, as they get older, it becomes useful learning about evaluating risk to do it in front of them, and then eventually with them.

If the child understands he will go under the water and is confident in jumping in from the edge of the pool out of his depth and is also confident on a slide generally I see no issue.

children don’t drown from momentary submersion in water.

secondary drowning is a)rare and b) very unlikely in this situation.

Can you get him a life vest thing? It will help him to float. So when he going down the slide into the water he will go back to the top quickly. My 5 year old has one and we used in on our hols when she was 4 and 5. She is able to swim in deep water and stay afloat. It makes it easier to look after her as she won't go under wearing it

But sounds fine what you are doing.

Op, I would never let a child that age on a slide like the one you posted a picture of. Dh would go down the slide with him though.
your mother was not lax. She was fully neglectful, I don’t know if that’s something you’ve worked through or not.

Sorry, OPs updates not appearing.
If you can stand on bottom then yes I would probably let him have a go but would also listen to DH.

I would. I have. I do

not on ones coming right out into a bigger / deeper pool or ones where you can’t be at the bottom but in the ones that come out into “baths” or shallow water where i can catch them & speed of the slide

I don’t think I’d let a 4 year old on that by himself.
He’s 4, he doesn’t have to do everything and just because there’s so signs saying 4 year olds or non swimmers aren’t allowed, doesn’t mean they are allowed. I’d just say it’s something to look forward to when you’re bigger.