To roll my eyes at pregnancy excuse

[Fuzzyduck31]

It must be my age but recently I’ve had more friends and acquaintances being pregnant and I am surprised (bemused?) by the ideas some people have.
I get that morning sickness/ nausea is bad but I have a friend who is acting completely incapacitated by it? It’s not HG just the normal nausea sicky feeling in first trimester.
I have another friend who can not organise a baby shower for her sister because she is also pregnant?!
Another friend has just had a baby and has called her mum to look after the baby while she sleeps all day?
AIBU as I went through this twice not looking for the type of complete support that these other women feel entitled to?
I am happy for them all and feel like a bad person thinking this but just wondered if anyone else has noticed a trend towards this complete incapacitation as a pregnant/ new mum?

That morning off would have cost us thousands of pounds of lost income,

Someone making 'thousands' in a half day, who never takes a day off, must be bringing in at least a £1m a year?

If my husband made that much, he would be willing to miss out on a few thousand to help out post birth.

If I needed help I would have asked for it. I was fine and happy! It’s normal for many mums around the world to just get on with it. Unless you’ve had a c-section or drastic bleed or some other complication and can walk there’s really no harm in going back to normal.

If he needed to he would but I didn’t want him too. How is that so hard to understand?

What a hero you aren’t making him sound any better. You may never have expected to pay ‘a penny in bills’ but he’s happy to forgo your health in the name of ‘but I earn the money’. It’s called a transactional marriage and it isn’t the winning formula you think it is.

When I was 24 hours post traumatic birth I certainly valued myself more than £5000 - but I’d be wondering what kind of dodgy shenanigans or incompetence was going on to mean a quick school run when I was post traumatic birth meant losing £5k? it’s quite hard to believe TBH

If I needed help I would have asked for it. I was fine and happy! It’s normal for many mums around the world to just get on with it. Unless you’ve had a c-section or drastic bleed or some other complication and can walk there’s really no harm in going back to normal.

This was not the tone of your first post.

YABU I’m afraid because this is a completely individual thing. I was utterly floored by all-day sickness and I had another health complication of pregnancy too. I had quite a bit of sick leave, and I’m sure plenty of people were tutting and saying “she’s pregnant, not ill”.

If you can make £5k in the time it takes to do the school run, I think that would firmly put you in one of the wealthiest handful of households in the country.

OP if the change you're seeing has happened over 4 years, then it can hardly be a cultural shift! That's just not enough time. More likely that you're seeing a local cluster of women who happen to need/expect/be lucky enough to receive more help than you did. And IME there's a phenomenon where, once you notice something, you suddenly notice it everywhere.

I took down a few beds and filled a few boxes. Pregnancy isn’t an illness for many.
how do you think single mums with no family cope? He did the unpacking if that makes you feel better.

I thought you had morning sickness and crushing pelvic pain?

And it’s not for you to decide when other women are ready to get back to normal

If he earns “thousands of pounds” in one morning then he can afford to take a few hours off.

Fuck me he really has you doesn’t he? Wow wake up. A “cry baby” for expecting your husband to help with things he should already be doing when you’ve just been cut from A to B and have stitches the day before?

Yep I’m thinking drug dealer

Perhaps. It would take him a day and not all days would result in that sort of money but on that day it was worth going in. That’s what it’s like for many self employed people.

@Mumtothreegirlies plus you say you loved picking them up and getting back to normal after birth, but you clearly felt it was a big ask or you wouldn’t have been bragging about it and moaning because your sil took it easy for 2 whole weeks after birth.

I’m glad you’re not my chum.

@WeetabixTowels

Only fans? 😂

You honestly think that someone can’t make that sort of money unless they’re dealing drugs??

So he did help then and so did someone else? As moving house takes more than a few boxes and taking down beds.

So when you compared yourself earlier to women who struggled through pregnancy and congratulated yourself on doing all these difficult things yourself, you were actually misrepresenting the situation?

What was a big ask? I didn’t ask for anything. Just couldn’t see the point in my SIL laying in bed for 2 weeks moaning like she’d just had an amputation.

@Mumtothreegirlies

You don't need to explain self employment to me, thanks. I am self-employed.

Believe it or not, I pass up on income almost every single week so I can take my son to the park and library. It's not 'lost income', it's called being a parent.

£5k in the time it takes to do the school run?
nope

Bloody good for her. What is the logical reason for not lying in bed? Why does she have to be up and struggling if she doesn’t want to?

No it was an example of how I managed to cope during pregnancy and what’s possible if you put your mind to it. A lot of pregnant women these days wouldn’t even touch a box let alone touch a spanner. I know some pregnant women that won’t even load the dishwasher.

The fact he makes “thousands” in a morning makes it worse.

no decent man expects their wife to do the school run 24 hours after a forceps birth.

one that earns that kind of money could have easily paid someone to do it if he could.

And the fact that he didn’t want to help you, not even for one day, doesn’t bother you at all? Hmm okay.

What kind of father doesn’t want to spend any time with his baby who had just been born the day before?