To roll my eyes at pregnancy excuse

[Fuzzyduck31]

It must be my age but recently I’ve had more friends and acquaintances being pregnant and I am surprised (bemused?) by the ideas some people have.
I get that morning sickness/ nausea is bad but I have a friend who is acting completely incapacitated by it? It’s not HG just the normal nausea sicky feeling in first trimester.
I have another friend who can not organise a baby shower for her sister because she is also pregnant?!
Another friend has just had a baby and has called her mum to look after the baby while she sleeps all day?
AIBU as I went through this twice not looking for the type of complete support that these other women feel entitled to?
I am happy for them all and feel like a bad person thinking this but just wondered if anyone else has noticed a trend towards this complete incapacitation as a pregnant/ new mum?

I work in healthcare & there is definitely a trend that I’ve seen develop over last decade specifically of self diagnosis; patients have presented to me with a variety of self diagnosed conditions which they have obtained by going online, often patients will push for certain formal diagnosis because they believe they could benefit in some kind of way, again ill informed online. It happens more than people think it does, I see it frequently & pregnancy conditions are amongst those. Of course not every woman is self diagnosing their symptoms but not every symptom is a condition

I didn't have HG.
However in all three pregnancies, nausea was the first symptom- and continued until about 2 hours after the baby was born. I couldn't eat many things, I couldn't even go in the kitchen/into a foodshop without vomiting. I was vomiting 4+ times a day all the way through.
I lost so much weight that I was weighed just after dd2 was born and I was 2 stone lighter (and I hadn't been overweight before) than I'd been just before i got pregnant.

I remember dd1 taking dh round the estate once saying "mummy's been sick here, mummy's been sick there..."

I suspect you're a bit like the lady who told me she had "the worst morning sickness ever... I feel so sick between midday and 1pm I have to lie down for the whole hour. After that I feel fine. Have you tried lying down?"

Your one of those people that can only resonate with your own limited experience.
Where is your empathy?
If a woman can't be supported during pregnancy and after having a baby there's not much hope.
I personally didn't get much in the way of support and felt so poorly due to horrendous sickness, it was an awful time for me, but l don't begrudge those that are lucky enough to have support. I regret now the fact l pushed myself so hard to carry on as normal. I wish l could have been more honest.

OP if only we were all like you who clearly had no ailments through their pregnancy.

my first pregnancy was a breeze until I got pre eclampsia and was bed bound in hospital on and off for two months

my second I had nausea up until my third trimester, I couldn’t even go in the kitchen without being sick I got the girdle pain for the last 4 months which actually ended up fracturing my pelvis and I couldn’t actually walk without having a high dose of morphine in hospital.

so pregnancy affects everyone differently and who are you to judge

Why do we expect women to push their bodies to the limit when they are growing another human? If she recognizes that she needs to rest, she should rest.

YABU - my pregnancies were the worst time of my life.

At the end I was on mandated bed rest and didn't even have the energy/ability to go to the bathroom myself or shower.

I was really not prepared for how difficult pregnancy was on my body. Postpartum was a breeze by comparison.

I had a low risk pregnancy with no complications btw, my body just really struggled. My mum was the same and was on bed rest from 28 weeks. If I pushed myself too much I just passed out - the first trimester I was sleeping about 16 hours a day and still totally wiped out. No way could I have planned a baby shower on top of my job.

I'm so jealous of women like you OP who breeze through pregnancy. Wish I could have a surrogate for my next one!

Oh and pre pregnancy I was cycling 30km a day - so it's not like I was unfit, pregnancy was just HARD

I was so tired while I was pregnant with DS3 (could have been due to since diagnosed condition as well as pregnancy but that's another story). I would get in from work and have a nap before being able to make dinner or do much with the other DC. Later on the insomnia kicked in. I never got to sleep before 4am and was up at 7:30 for school run and work. I was almost delirious from lack of sleep some days. Once DS3 was born my mum helped with things round the house and a friend took over the school run for a couple of weeks. Being on maternity, had the baby and not having to be up and ready early made such a big difference. Pregnancy can be really tough.

my husband wasn’t being a ‘nob head’ he does a little thing called work…ever heard of it??

He couldn’t have taken a day off to help his pregnant wife move house?

Just because you had no support doesn't mean women who didn't marry utter shitbags shouldn't accept help if available

Attitudes like the OPs are so damaging as they exactly what leads to people doing the school run less than 24hrs after what is essentially major medical intervention. Physically your body has gone through a massive change, having less than 24hrs to recover before doing the school run is not a good thing

Sickness, pelvic pain etc are not excuses. Women getting more support and help during and after pregnancy is a good thing. No one should suffer just because someone else did

Maybe you have never acknowledged it before but he is.
He left you to do the school run less than 24hrs after having a birth with forceps?? Rather than take a single morning off to help his wife and spend time with a newborn let alone take a reasonable paternity leave?
Yeah knob head.

Did you read the part where I said that I understood some pregnancies are debilitating?

mine wasn’t. I’ve been through worse in my life and because of it I’m just not as precious as some women. Some women have a lot of help and as a result they become needy. They’d cope the same as I did if the help wasn’t there.

I agree
and the poster has been brainwashed into thinking work comes before her health

Hate to break it to you but any man who allows their pregnant wife to move house alone is an utter shitbag.

No way in hell will I be refusing help from my family because your husband couldn't be bothered to take time off work to take his children to school the day after his wife had given birth

Wow someone has swallowed the Kool Aid.

Far better to be ‘precious’ than be a walkover and lie to yourself that you married a good man.

Why couldn’t your DH do the school run?

Maybe your husband has a job that’s easier and more flexible then my husbands is, That morning off would have cost us thousands of pounds of lost income, there is no way with two working legs I was going to be a cry baby and miss out on money for my family. Plus I love picking my children up from school and getting back to living again after birth.

But the help is there for some people, so what's the point in refusing it?

Would you have refused help from anyone when your lovely husband went into work the morning after a 28 hour labour and major medical intervention?

Is your husband a hitman?

Cant think of a job that would lose thousands for just doing a quick school run. Sounds like he’s worthier talking shite or is really bad at his job

@Mumtothreegirlies

If you weren't being so unpleasant, I would feel sorry for you.

If your DH earns 1000s in a morning then I don't see why he couldn't afford to take a day or two off. Or in fact pay someone to come help you with said 1000s

YABU.

I'm pregnant and feel like absolute shit, I'm really low because I'm nauseous all day and I'm weak and dizzy trying to look after a toddler. I'm usually really active so my mental health has taken a knock during this first trimester.

My daughters pregnancy was easy compared to this but I still wouldn't have knocked someone else's experience.

I breezed through my c section recovery last time, out of hospital the next day and was out for walks with the baby after 5 days but I didn't scoff at women who took a long time to recover. I think it's a pretty misogynistic attitude to have.

Same.

Some women’s bar is so low it’s in a Tavern in Hades.

But the attitude of ‘I had it shit and anyone else who doesn’t push themselves to the limits of their endurance is precious’ smacks of deep unhappiness and nastiness.

If someone said to you do the school run, or miss out on £5000 which would you choose?
my husband has never expected me to pay a single bill. He’s always worked hard for his family that he loves. The only time he took unpaid time off was when he stayed in the hospital with our newborn because she was dying.

Pregnant woman and new mothers are entitled to support. But you’re acting as if being in as much discomfort as possible is how things should be.

When my mum had her children it was normal to be in hospital for a week.