To roll my eyes at pregnancy excuse

[Fuzzyduck31]

It must be my age but recently I’ve had more friends and acquaintances being pregnant and I am surprised (bemused?) by the ideas some people have.
I get that morning sickness/ nausea is bad but I have a friend who is acting completely incapacitated by it? It’s not HG just the normal nausea sicky feeling in first trimester.
I have another friend who can not organise a baby shower for her sister because she is also pregnant?!
Another friend has just had a baby and has called her mum to look after the baby while she sleeps all day?
AIBU as I went through this twice not looking for the type of complete support that these other women feel entitled to?
I am happy for them all and feel like a bad person thinking this but just wondered if anyone else has noticed a trend towards this complete incapacitation as a pregnant/ new mum?

I remember having food poisoning when DD was a baby and just being filled with absolute fury that people were treating the food poisoning as a valid Illness worthy of sympathy and care and bedrest, when I'd felt just as bad with morning sickness but still been expected to suck it up and go into work and do housework and be sociable when I was vomiting for weeks at a time rather than just a day or two.

We all go through things differently!

So because you suffered through all that, you want others to suffer and shut up? Why does it bother you if others are asking for the space and rest they need? I don't have anyone to hand over responsibility to, but there is nothing wrong with asking for help and I certainly won't put myself under more pressure to please the likes of you. Every pregnancy is different; to suggest that mums who are struggling and asking for help / rest / space are less adequate or strong etc is ridiculous, it's actually the sensible thing to do. Stop judging.

Some people do have it tougher than others but then some of us just had to get on with it. I was sick/nauseous every morning throughout first 3 mths and absolutely shattered the whole time but still worked full time (as a teacher with a class of 32 x 7/8 yr olds. Also had a few hours marking/prep each night, after a short nap) right up until 3 weeks before birth (so I could have more time with baby).
After baby was born, all on my own as no family nearby. If it weren’t for DH making my lunch and putting in fridge, I’d have starved. As people used to say, you aren’t ill, you’re just pregnant.

Exactly same ages and genders! And I also was physically much more exhausted and in pain at 34.

As people used to say, you aren’t ill, you’re just pregnant.

People still say it, and it's still fuckwitted. You're not ill if you've just broken your leg either, but most people would understand it as a non-illness that might be expected to impair your functioning for a time.

@Gettingolderandgrumpier60 As people used to say, you aren’t ill, you’re just pregnant.
Actually plenty of people are ill while pregnant. If all you needed was a nap every day then you got off lightly.
And working until 3 weeks before birth is just normal and nothing to brag about but if someone couldn’t it’s nothing to shame them for.

YABU you can't judge people as every pregnancy and birth is different.

I'm very lucky I had very slight morning sickness and my pregnancy went well. I moved house at 32 weeks and packed my full house up by myself as my partner was on working 14+ hours a day and going to the new house to decorate every night.
I was only discharged at house after 6 hours after I give birth and had to go to the midwife 15 miles away the next day and go food shopping. I didn't even find it uncomfortable.
Then my friend who very rarely complains or is sick was completely floored all of her pregnancy and went from a size 16 down to a size 8 due to sickness. She was bed bound most of the pregnancy. Poor thing.

Well said

The first few months of 2 out of my 3 pregnancies were horrible. I SO wanted to be sick, but couldn't. The world was on the edge of spinning and I could hardly stand. If the house had been on fire, I'd have just happily waited for the flames to get me - i was too tired to move. I hardly knew I was pregnant with my middle child as I felt full of energy. Every pregnancy is different and I wouldn't judge anyone....

Someone please tell me what HG is. Apologies for my ignorance 😛

No I was really bloody ill. HTH.

From Google...

"HG is 'Hyperemesis gravidarum' It is the medical term for severe nausea and vomiting during pregnancy. The symptoms can be very uncomfortable. You might vomit more than three times a day, become dehydrated, feel constantly dizzy and lightheaded and lose weight..."

Everyone’s experience is different. Be kind always. Your friends morning sickness could be much worse than yours, your friend who sleeps all day may have been up ALL night and be overwhelmed possibly even postnatal depression. Please don’t judge.
not sure about the baby shower one though 😂😂 in all fairness pregnancy in my twenties was a breeze, then in my late thirties I was exhausted like really exhausted from start to finish, so it really is different for everyone.

The first one - I was lucky, had only slight nausea, but SiL was really bad for several months both times.
The second one - I can't imagine having to organise a shower for someone else when I was going through my own pregnancy, and it seems selfish and inconsiderate from the person doing the asking.
The third one - this sounds like PND and I would be taking to her and encouraging her to maybe contact her GP.

But you must see pregnancy can lead to horrible illnesses?

So what if you still worked - you obviously did feel well enough too. Teachers get very generous sick pay, if you had to be off you’d have been off

Thank you! Is t that what Kate Middleton (Princess of Wales) had? Sounds absolutely horrendous

Yes, she was hospitalised.

but then some of us just had to get on with it.

Ok. But some people have help available and don't have to take the shit option. So why should they just because you had to?

Thank you 🙏

Ah yes.
I myself got a ticking off for not realising my son had died as I was vomiting profusely due to my liver and kidneys failing and then had to give birth to my dead baby without pain relief as I was less than 24 hours away from complete organ failure and death, as it turned out.
But I wasn't ill. I was just pregnant.

Because if I don’t get help then no one can have it!!

You were clearly very lucky to not feel like you were dying when pregnant.

And no I'm not joking.

I agree totally. That’s why I started with some woman have it tougher than others. I have had friends who have really suffered, one who only has 1 DC as they can’t go through pregnancy ever again.
But I am agreeing with OP as I also know quite a few women who clearly think they are the only ones to ever be pregnant. In my case it wasn’t just being ‘well enough’ to work, some days I just wanted to sleep, particularly when my back was aching/shooting pains down legs etc but it never crossed my mind to take time off, I just got on with it as I had a class of children who relied on me (and believe me, some parents are not very understanding when their DC class teacher is off ill).

Wow glad you’re not my friend!

All day nausea can be extremely debilitating so yes you are being unreasonable.