To roll my eyes at pregnancy excuse

[Fuzzyduck31]

It must be my age but recently I’ve had more friends and acquaintances being pregnant and I am surprised (bemused?) by the ideas some people have.
I get that morning sickness/ nausea is bad but I have a friend who is acting completely incapacitated by it? It’s not HG just the normal nausea sicky feeling in first trimester.
I have another friend who can not organise a baby shower for her sister because she is also pregnant?!
Another friend has just had a baby and has called her mum to look after the baby while she sleeps all day?
AIBU as I went through this twice not looking for the type of complete support that these other women feel entitled to?
I am happy for them all and feel like a bad person thinking this but just wondered if anyone else has noticed a trend towards this complete incapacitation as a pregnant/ new mum?

But each woman to be pregnant is the only them to be pregnant, if you see what I mean. That the entire human race, the billions of people on the planet, are only here because of billions of pregnancies doesn’t suddenly make someone’s pelvis work or prevent them puking themselves into hospital. Each pregnancy is the only one, from the perspective of it being debilitating. It really doesn’t matter that Sarah at the next desk over is still doing half marathons at seven months if I can’t actually walk and have to be signed off at six months.

Oh gosh, I am so so sorry - that is horrific.

I could bang on for hours about how angry I am about the state of pre and postnatal care in the UK.

I became very unwell when pregnant and then various autoimmune conditions kicked in straight after and I could not function. It took years to diagnose and I therefore just looked lazy. I was suffering so so much. Everyone is different. You just can't imagine what's going on on other people's bodies

some days I just wanted to sleep, particularly when my back was aching/shooting pains down legs etc but it never crossed my mind to take time off, I just got on with it as I had a class of children who relied on me

I still don't see why this means other women in more fortunate situations than yours shouldn't accept help when it's available. Are you saying you would have gone through all that if you hadn't had to? Because that's not noble or admirable, it's just a pointless hair shirt.

So while you were hospitalised and vomiting for 24h periods, were you organising baby showers and working full days and feeling capable of doing literally everything?

I wasn't hospitalised with my sickness because it wasn't HG but it was bad. It was also during the pandemic so deemed safer for me to be at home. If I did too much I would vomit for hours afterwards. If I got stressed them the sickness came back. I still worked, I walked the dog (occasionally throwing up in a bush), I did the washing etc but it was all very hard work. I don't think anyone should roll their eyes at anyone finding pregnancy hard. It's HARD. Sounds like you know that but just want to feel better than your friends.

Wow I must have had things bad compared to what I'm reading 🤣 sick for 6 months 7 times a day with the first child, second almost the same and third the worst rash from touching a plant that left me with the worst experience of my entire life for 6 months till baby was born, I suffered from severe sleepless nights with them all and then developed severe tiredness M.E for 2 years where I couldn't lift my arms and legs or even get off the sofa on some days.... I had no help from family in 20 years and had no money for childcare until they hit 3 years old well that was a journey i didn't see coming especially the no help from family sometimes things hit you hard😂

It really is true. Women are the ones who judge other women the most harshly. You're disgusting. Also you don't win awards for having a stiff upper lip, you're allowed to ask for help and support. Growing an entire human being from scratch is hard.

I do think it's also harder when you get older, as with most things. I used to be unphased by flu in my 20's - once it was gone I just felt amazing. Now in my 30's it drags on and my energy levels don't really bounce back.

Main problem with the OPs thought trajectory, is it's one where women have been conditioned to 'just get on with it', through all kinds of pain and sickness. So I think it's a wonderful thing if that is changing. Women asking for help/ saying no, putting their health and needs first. I'm all for it. It is a very difficult mindset to shift, the whole 'I was sick 5 times at work but came in anyway' shouldn't be glorified, it's not heroic.

Feeling constantly nauseous and tired is horrible. Why should these women have to run around organising events, go to work and just get on with it?

My mother had bad morning sickness, so did my grandma. Neither had jobs or baby showers to organise.

I bet the posters who think women should just get on with it are the same people who allow their partners to do nothing at home and sleep in every weekend because they're tired after work.

One of my pregnancies was absolutely horrendous. I was nauseous and was vomiting all the way through until about 38 weeks! Every time I moved, I felt like I was either going to be sick or I actually was sick. It was truly awful. I felt seasick for pretty much most of that pregnancy.

You have no idea how others are feeling during their pregnancy. You sound jealous.

I had to stop work months early due to my pregnancy being so difficult. I was nauseous all day every day for the full 9 months and had such soft hip bones j could barely put weight on them. You have no idea how hard pregnancy can be for some people, you can only go by your own which obviously couldn't have been too bad

Some women sail through pregnancy and the early days, some suffer sickness, bad backs etc, some women whinge and whine at the slightest twinge and take to the sofa. We are all different but i do agree so use at as an excuse to be bone idle.

Oh OP, it’s not surprising that no one wanted to help you out even when you probably needed it given how judgemental and awful you are.
Imagine having so little going on in your life that you’re bothered that someone is struggling with morning sickness or someone asked for help and needed some sleep with a newborn?! Please, for your own sake, focus on parenting your own children and stop being such a dick. Thank you.

You sound horrible suppose the expected mother has low iron and needs a blood transfusion and here you are judging her for asking for help so she can catch up on sleep

Nope. I doubled in weight during pregnancy, had swollen ankles, spotting, terrible morning sickness etc but I still commuted into London for my job whilst keeping my house immaculate. I'm not a superperson by any stretch and I was certainly tired enough to fall asleep after lunch at work. I just think people have started to treat it like an abnormality or disability. I'm wondering whether its because everyone is about ten years older than they used to be having kids?

Attitudes like this - to people being honest about their needs, or accepting help - are not helpful. I think this kind of attitude contributed to me thinking i had to be supermum and hesitating to be honest about needing help. You have no idea what others are going through. It takes a village which sadly many people don't have - and the ones who do shouldn't be judged for it. Thankfully society is gradually improving and accepting that people should be able to ask for help. So the change you notice - the not-just-soldiering-on - may indicate that you're out of touch, rather than these other mums being unreasonable.

This smacks of ‘it didn’t happen to me so it can’t happen to anyone else’

I was sick every day when I was pregnant. It wasn’t HG but it was horrendous, I felt awful. The constant acid damaged my insides. I had a bad birth but not life threatening, still horrible though. Then I had severe mental health issues. I’d have LOVED a parent to come see me every day and support during those early days.

Stop judging. You are not those women. You don’t know what they are going through. Just because you coped one way doesn’t mean they should cope the same way.

Ooh a bit of ageism thrown in as well, nice.

Age might be a factor. With my first 2 I coped amazingly (i was age 17 and 23) and worked full time right up to my due date. Number 3 and 4 (aged 31 and 35) I felt like I had flu half the time and I just wanted to sleep. To say I was exhausted is an understatement.

I didn’t use pregnancy as an excuse - I worked ft until the week before my due date with both DDs. I did organise an entire month off after though. No cooking, no cleaning, no laundry … just being with DDs and sleeping, feeding, bonding and loving ….

You had awful sickness and still had to keep your house “immaculate” while working full time? Why didn’t your DH step in while you felt so awful?

What is with these women with shitty partners taking it out on other women?

And do you think you’re better somehow for just getting on with it rather than resting or seeking help? Because that’s how you come across.

I was very happy being bone idle on pregnancy. What should I have been doing instead? The ironing?

That’s absolutely how those people think. Same people who say ‘I didn’t make any sound when I gave birth’ thinking that makes them superior. It’s so pathetic, this idea that women have to just carry on no matter what, and to see women pushing this narrative is ridiculous.

No wonder women’s health issues aren’t taken seriously.