To roll my eyes at pregnancy excuse

[Fuzzyduck31]

It must be my age but recently I’ve had more friends and acquaintances being pregnant and I am surprised (bemused?) by the ideas some people have.
I get that morning sickness/ nausea is bad but I have a friend who is acting completely incapacitated by it? It’s not HG just the normal nausea sicky feeling in first trimester.
I have another friend who can not organise a baby shower for her sister because she is also pregnant?!
Another friend has just had a baby and has called her mum to look after the baby while she sleeps all day?
AIBU as I went through this twice not looking for the type of complete support that these other women feel entitled to?
I am happy for them all and feel like a bad person thinking this but just wondered if anyone else has noticed a trend towards this complete incapacitation as a pregnant/ new mum?

I get that morning sickness/ nausea is bad but I have a friend who is acting completely incapacitated by it? It’s not HG just the normal nausea sicky feeling in first trimester.

I think YABVVU because of this comment, because you have absolutely no idea how sick this person may be. I was pregnant with twins and was completely incapacitated by crippling nausea for the first three months without any vomiting, and then started in with a further 3 months of vomiting 5-6 times/day. I didn’t get back to any semblance of ‘normal’ until I was about 25 weeks pregnant and I lost an insane amount of weight. I remember a friend of mine said something similar to what you said when I was about 10 weeks in, and I just about strangled her. If you have not experienced that kind of crippling nausea, you have no idea how bad it is.

Everyone’s pregnancy is different, and the fact you were lucky enough to have just a bit of a sicky feeling in the first trimester does NOT mean that it is everyone’s experience.

Oh believe me, nobody is gladder than I am to be out of that awful place.

The risk was extremely low, I'll grant, and it probably was unnecessary. Still, as a high risk pregnancy with a recent miscarriage and a fragile state of mind, I weighed it all up against the boss's sneering and the fact there were plenty of others to do it and it was a complete no brainer. One of the other dozen available people moved the boxes while I went out and gave directions and instructions to the other people on site that day, which also needed doing. No idea why I wasn't originally tasked with that anyway, but the boss was completely incompetent with no people skills, so it wasn't surprising.

Well said

@Scalottia have you ever been pregnant?

When I was heavily pregnant and suffering with lightening crotch pelvic girdle pain and sciatica bending down to put my shoes on was painful and hard enough, and empty big box would have been excruciating. Your colleague sounds sensible not lazy.

Cancer isn’t a choice, pregnancy is, can’t believe you would think the 2 are comparable, this is the mentality I face daily in healthcare

please tell me you don't work in healthcare!

You think a high-risk pregnancy is a CHOICE? You think women are having medical issues with their pregnancy by CHOICE?

What fucked up reasoning is that!

The ligaments and tissues soften when pregnant. It’s not a medical condition, it’s a biological part of pregnancy for all women so why risk an injury or strain with extra bending over?

YABU. Can’t you imagine putting yourself in someone else’s shoes?
Think you feel like a bad person because you’re acting incredibly judgementally

Soooo…because pregnancy is a choice women can’t grumble when pregnancy debilitates them?

As for cancer isn’t a choice - many people who smoke or make poor life choices that increase risk of cancer surely shouldn’t moan either? By your reasoning (not mine)

Of course when people point out that everyone is different and pregnancy and a new baby affects everyone differently that is irrelevant because you had an incredibly rough time with your babies. Of course.

YABU. If you needed the help and it'd been there or you needed to take it easy you'd have accepted the help and rested. I know you want everyone to shit on pregnant women who are having a terrible time of it and new mums who aren't coping but this hasn't really gone the way I'm sure you wanted it to.

You were very lucky.

I suppose what it comes down to is...

If you have no choice, you have no choice. You do it because there simply isn't any other option. It's shit.

If you do have a choice and there are other options, why should you choose the shit one?

If you do have a choice and there are other options, why should you choose the shit one?

Exactly this

For the coveted mummy martyr medal?

I had a flip answer but truthfully I think it’s internalised misogyny. Some women genuinely don’t believe they deserve better, and that’s why they’re resentful of the women who have had it better. Look at the poster upthread who did the school run 24 hours post-forceps and directed her ire at this awful event at her SIL instead of at her husband who let this happen.

I think when enough women are treated badly enough, it’s hard to accept that that’s anything except what they deserve. Because if you start to question it and realise how badly you’ve been treated and what you could have had… your whole world and worldview crumbles.

Look at the poster upthread who did the school run 24 hours post-forceps and directed her ire at this awful event at her SIL instead of at her husband who let this happen.

Yes yes.

Lol. I do think some women think they will get into heaven if they consistently push themselves to the absolute brink without asking for help.

But yes internalised misogyny is absolutely rife

There's a fast track line for mummies who never do anything for themselves, never have a rest, always put themselves last...or at least that must be what they were hoping for.

Imagine bragging about doing the school run 24 hours after a long labour, forceps and stitches all because your husband couldn't be arsed to take a day off?
Its crazy and depressing what someone women put up with and they drag on other women who seemingly have it easier, or have more help and patronise them for being too delicate when the reality is almost always they didn't have much help but they wished they did.

Absolutely.

This is why I love MN - so many people think it’s full of airhead Stepford Wives who would crow with joy at a a woman whose estate agent husband lets her do the school run less than a day after a forceps delivery, because there’s money involved. It actually the intelligent women who can spot a red flag a mile off rightly handed her arse to her

I suppose "I am a strong character who is far superior to other women" is a more appealing thought than "my husband is a complete prick".

It’s in the Pick Me official Manifest

Let's not act like pregnancy is easy and the same for everyone. Yes, they're are lazy people that will use pregnancy as an excuse but not everyone have the same levels of coping. My pregnancies were a 'breeze' compared to some but I don't go around rolling my eyes every time someone complains about morning sickness or decides not to do something because they are pregnant. We grow whole humans ffs

Completely agree.

There's something about pregnancy that makes people unleash the arsehole inside.
The man who suddenly ramps up the domestic abuse. The customer who shouts at the pregnant woman in the shop, not the strapping young man. The woman who thinks she's a better mother because she gave birth vaginally/breastfed/coslept/never accepted help.
Just stop being such a fucking knob.

It to mention the HCPs with withhold pain relief when you’re in the most excruciating pain known to man. I remember asking my widowed if people with broken legs in orthopaedics are told to ‘hang on a bit longer’ (incidientally I did hang on like a muppet and then it was too late - I felt everything and I’m still angry that happened).

That too. All stems from the idea that female suffering is fine, and you're somehow ducking your duty if you try and mitigate it.