To roll my eyes at pregnancy excuse

[Fuzzyduck31]

It must be my age but recently I’ve had more friends and acquaintances being pregnant and I am surprised (bemused?) by the ideas some people have.
I get that morning sickness/ nausea is bad but I have a friend who is acting completely incapacitated by it? It’s not HG just the normal nausea sicky feeling in first trimester.
I have another friend who can not organise a baby shower for her sister because she is also pregnant?!
Another friend has just had a baby and has called her mum to look after the baby while she sleeps all day?
AIBU as I went through this twice not looking for the type of complete support that these other women feel entitled to?
I am happy for them all and feel like a bad person thinking this but just wondered if anyone else has noticed a trend towards this complete incapacitation as a pregnant/ new mum?

@BluNomad

Are you saying that pregnancy doesn't cause illness for some women?

Or maybe we're realising that women need support when they give birth rather than telling them to get on with it.

Only couple of generations ago your mum/aubt/sister would stay with you/be round every day to take care of you and baby. And you'd be in hospital for at least 10 days post birth so you can rest and they can teach you how to breastfeed and change a nappy and bath your baby.

I think its lovely that families are offering this support. And great that women are recognising they need it. Isn't it wonderful not to tear other women down just because they do things differently to you.

I didn't have HG in any of my pregnancies but I did have severe nausea to the point of needing medication. Just because I wasn't vomiting all the time it didn't mean I had any inclination to do anything. Because moving made me feel sick, as did eating, or thinking about eating, or smelling anything. And if I wasn't actually vomiting I was retching. All bloody day long. For the first 20 weeks and then the last 12. And it was so unbelievably exhausting. And if you'd have called me lazy then I probably would have gone off work sick, stopped going out and laid in bed for the rest of the pregnancy crying because it was so much effing effort to get up without someone telling me I wasn't trying hard enough.

I think its lovely that families are offering this support

Right?! I don't understand why OP thinks it's a ridiculous notion that a family may help a woman who's just had a baby to get some sleep (along with the rest of it).

My mum took a week off work when I gave birth to my son, I never asked her to, but she did and my god was I grateful for the extra help. I would do the same for my children one day.

Why is family helping a bad thing? I don't get it.

Be a martyr if you wish but no one else has to be!

You have no choice over what sort of pregnancy you have though.
You honestly sound like the sort of person who shouldn’t

Yes! I worked far longer than I needed to with debilitating PGP because of the “pregnant, not ill” mantra I’d picked up.

So many posts here talking of coping, surviving – coping and surviving are the bare minimum, of course we cope and survive but at what long-term cost? Making a brand-new human might happen so often daily, hourly, on a world population level that it’s humdrum, quotidian, but for each individual it’s huge. It’s a new human! From your body! I’m still fresh from the mind blowing image of my son – before I knew he was a son – being lifted from me. 🤯🤯🤯 My body did that! Of course it takes a lot out of a body, a person. Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, hormonally. But sure, we should crack on without help because some people can and some people have no choice.

Even a straightforward birth usually involves a degree of tearing, plus your bones are softer, your core muscles are stretched, you're exhausted, your hormones are all over the place and you're bleeding and leaking. That's without any additional complications and completely ignoring the mental aspect of now having a baby and all the sleep deprivation.

If you had comparable injuries/weakening from literally anything else - illness, sports, a pub fight - nobody would be sneering or eye rolling at you for accepting whatever help was available. In fact, they'd think you were an idiot for pushing yourself unnecessarily and not doing whatever you could to get better.

Have you read about the multiple maternity scandals recently? All the investigations have underlined the issues with the attitudes of staff. And here you are exemplifying it. Shocking.

Wow! Small minded much! Pregnancy affects everyone differently and having had babies yourself you should sympathise a bit more.

In India you are looked after by your mum for the 1st 40 days and all you do is feed the baby! Leave people be, it's nice to be nice and to have help. I personally worked til 38 weeks in a stressful physical job and had zero help but each to their own.

I think there's a tendency for people to judge other people's pregnancies compared to their own but the truth is some people feel great throughout and others feel absolutely shit from start to finish!

As far as 'trends' go, I've definitely noticed a decrease in people's empathy levels since Covid!

I think you just have very open and whiney people nowadays with very different upbringings. I have suffered terribly with sickness and nausea in both my pregnancies but don’t have a support system in place to rally around me so I can’t just give up and retire to bed. I don’t whine about it because no one can help and I know that quite frankly no one cares. We’re living in a world where everyone has had it harder than everyone else, no one has any compassion or empathy anymore. I’m sure you all have those friends on FB who check themselves into hospital and the drs etc and everyone knows their medical history, I guess it’s just your character and how you deal with things.

I don’t whine about it because no one can help and I know that quite frankly no one cares.

Ok. But you've just said you don't do it because nobody cares or could help. If you did have people who could help and who care, presumably you would call upon them. And would you consider it "whining"?

Yabu you have no idea what these women may be going through physically and mentally. You don't get to decide to put these women down as they may need more support.

We’re living in a world where everyone has had it harder than everyone else, no one has any compassion or empathy anymore.

They have, but you've just accused anyone who avails themselves of it of whining and suggested it's a sign of character weakness.

Is it possible that in some cases (not all), one's character is the reason one doesn't have anyone willing to help out?

YABU I suffered with HG and my morning sickness started off as “just a sicky feeling in the morning” I ended up in hospital on a drip due to dehydration because I couldn’t even keep water down. So don’t go making assumptions just because one of your friend needs a sleep during the day that you think it’s being used as an excuse..

when pregnant all my pregnancies were different, my youngest when carrying her she would always start moving around at nighttime which resulted in me having no sleep, my mum had my other two so I could rest.. doesn’t make me lazy, makes me sensible for making sure I was functioning well enough for the pregnancy and also my other children.

I would also say aswell that during my pregnancies I wouldn’t be bothered to arrange someone else’s baby shower, my time and energy would be going on preparing things for when baby comes.

everything in your post just sounds extremely judgy tbh, they can do as they wish.. doesn’t make them lazy or making excuses.

What a horrible post OP.

Why should women suck it up and suffer from pregnancy, PND, medical issues when they can find some help?

Good on women to take it easy when they need to, to put themselves first for a chance, and to accept the help when they can have it.

It's hard for those without family who don't get a chance to sleep when they need, but what a ridiculous pompous post expecting women to be martyr.

@Chow16 We’re living in a world where everyone has had it harder than everyone else, no one has any compassion or empathy anymore. very lol considering you also say I think you just have very open and whiney people nowadays

Again another poster who is moaning about sickness but quite obviously didn't have it that bad if they could just go about their normal life, and their bitterness largely stems from jealousy as they had no one around who wanted to help them.

YANBU OP. A lot of women use pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy. I have seen this so often at work. One woman refused to lift empty (!) boxes because she was pregnant. Like normal moving boxes. What a joke.

Jesus woman. You had a shit time so everyone else has to suffer too? The more help and appreciation pregnant women receive the better. We should be treated like fucking queens. Stop being such a handmaiden

Maybe the bending up and down wouldn’t be good for her back? Did you attend all her doctors appointments with her so have full knowledge of her medical record?

Might have been me. I'd already had a miscarriage and was classed as high risk. Yes, it probably was unnecessary but frankly it wasn't a risk I fancied taking, especially given that there were a zillion other people around to move the stupid things while I got on with other stuff. On the risk/reward analysis, I'll take your sneering over an unnecessary risk that's very easily resolved.

I’m in early stages of pregnancy and the sickness is debilitating. I’ve been hospitalised, on multiple tablets and still continue feel shit.

I need to keep on working and travelling, it’s my job but does that mean I look at others who can stay home and self care? Do I help as I’m not an asshole who is so judgemental to think how I cope to it is the same as how others should. Everyone copes with everything differently, just accuse you think you wore a cape with yours to battle on doesn’t make the other woman less strong because she has to find an alternative route that works for her.

im not saying there isn’t people who play on it, that happens in all walks of life with things but this level of judgement is too far. Women should be supporting women, not looking at ways to put them down as it wasn’t your experience.

to all the ladies currently pregnant, good luck in your journey and do what you need to do!

Women supporting women right there 👏

Nope, she couldn't produce a doctor's note so she ended up having to do her normal duties. She was just that kind if person unfortunately, trying to get out of working.

I am glad that I don't have to work with you then. Picking up an empty box is a risk, really?