To roll my eyes at pregnancy excuse

[Fuzzyduck31]

It must be my age but recently I’ve had more friends and acquaintances being pregnant and I am surprised (bemused?) by the ideas some people have.
I get that morning sickness/ nausea is bad but I have a friend who is acting completely incapacitated by it? It’s not HG just the normal nausea sicky feeling in first trimester.
I have another friend who can not organise a baby shower for her sister because she is also pregnant?!
Another friend has just had a baby and has called her mum to look after the baby while she sleeps all day?
AIBU as I went through this twice not looking for the type of complete support that these other women feel entitled to?
I am happy for them all and feel like a bad person thinking this but just wondered if anyone else has noticed a trend towards this complete incapacitation as a pregnant/ new mum?

I did ask @Mumtothreegirlies how she would react if it was one of her daughters asking for help, @CoreyTaylorsSoggyTshirt - or how she’d react if one of her dds was struggling, and asked for help, and someone else called her ‘precious’ or a ‘crybaby’ for needing help.

I think it is the modern way of living one’s life, bank mum and dad, can’t break a fingernail and definitely cannot manage their own lives without others validating them. It’s worrying generally as one day they’ll have to stand one their own too feet as we won’t be here to help 🤷‍♀️

Let's just hope they find partners who treat them as equals, rather than financially abusing them and neglecting them.

The saddest part is that she thinks she has got herself quite the catch as well.

According to some players you can just ‘put your mind to it’ and feel better 🙄

My sympathies. For me the second and third trimesters were a walk on the park compared to the first.

Maybe because in the 70’s/80’s new mums were actually kept in hospital to relax and recover and the ‘modern way’ dehumanises women more than ever?

We're talking about women receiving support in pregnancy.

@Mumtothreegirlies so what your saying is because you moved a couple of boxes one time when pregnant, and drove 5 minutes when you felt absolutely fine no one should accept help?

And of course you have a supportive husband, which many women don't. Such a family man obviously will be doing his fair share of housework, and childcare when he can. He'll of course be doing his fair share of night waking.

And I would assume there's a cleaner involved for 5k a morning? I mean even if he only works one school run a month there's plenty spare for a cleaner, and he's generous

And because you felt absolutely fine 24hrs after birth you won't be offering an ounce of support to your 3 girls when they are pregnant?

I’d feel sad if she wasn’t so awful about other women.

But she actually thinks a man not going to work as his child is dying is ‘a catch’. She must have a VERY high opinion of herself if that’s the standard.

My pregnancies were fairly smooth. I worked with a woman during my first pregnancy who was also pregnant and always off sick. I came to work even if under the weather. Did I get any thanks for it? No. I had to threaten legal action to change my hours (slightly) at work.

You don’t know how bad other people feel. For some it is an illness. If women are not well enough to do stuff or need support with a newborn - it’s up to them and their families.

@WeetabixTowels honestly I’m grateful and feel very lucky that I haven’t suffered as much as most women as I’ve haven’t had nausea. The tiredness is real and I’d hate to have a boss like the OP who thinks I’m being lazy when I have no control on the hormones my body is producing that make me zombie-like after 1pm 😂

Mumofthreegirlies posted on another thread that her husband runs an estate agent yesterday.

"My husbands just looked at them (he runs an estate agents and uses professional photographers) and, says he knows the agent as we’re not far from there. He says in his opinion they’re good but you need an elevated photograph with a drone to capture the size of the property and the gardens etc.
he says you do not need lifestyle photos. It’s just pretentious and unnecessary."

My Mum was kept in the hospital for 2 weeks for each of her 4 kids. She was taught how to change and bathe them (they had a full programme of lessons) and at night the midwives wheeled the babies away so they could get some sleep. No breastfeeding - babies were put onto formula as soon as possible. Then she came home and all of us were constantly in the pram until we were old enough to sit up at which point she left us on a blanket and only came to us to change a nappy or feed us. That was what 80s and 90s parenting was like.

By contrast women do a lot more mothering / parenting now and during the early days too - a time most boomers spent eating three course meals and watching nurses feed their babies.

An estate agent - I’ve known a few and never known a single one who absolutely wouldn’t be paid for selling a home if they didn’t go to work for a very specified 30 minute period. The solicitors move money about, not estate agents so he obviously wasn’t needed to do that. I’m assuming he told the OP he HAD to be at a viewing or they’d lose money - which is total nonsense, but if she wants to believe that guff more power to her. But to being down other women who don’t have the same life is grotesque.

She also says she lives on a council estate now, so I'd take anything she says with a pinch of salt.

I think you’re exaggerating quite a bit. In the 70s we were in hospital for a week and we looked after our own babies. No lessons and we we were encouraged to breast feed.

The fact is that postnatal care was infinitely better then than it is now. It’s very sad that new mothers now have to tolerate such appalling care. It’s a shame you ended a highly exaggerated account with an ageist jibe.

Does it matter?

I thought we were supposed to help and support each other, not tear each other down.

Why shouldn't women have help? I wish I'd had some!

An estate agent? So he does work in a little office down the road then!

I can't believe @Mumtothreegirlies was being so snippy about his 'big job'. How embarrassing. 😂😂😂

The funny thing is, nobody would be sneered at and accused of milking it if they broke a leg while skiing....

Well, speaking as a 'boomer', that sounds more like 40s/50s new mothers to me.
Mine in the 70s was the same as yours

We certainly didn't dump our babies on a blanket!
@Wenfy hasn't a clue!

She even had the balls to reply "Perhaps." when someone suggested her family must be one of the most well off families in the country if her husband was earning 5k for one morning.

Ive fallen down the rabbit hole of mummyofthreegirlies posts. She was a teen mum, got pregnant at 17 and had her first at 18. Perhaps having a bit of a rough time in life (because she wouldn’t have been treated as well as the nice middle class mummies of age 30) has made her bitter towards others rather than empathetic. She had it shit so why should other people have it good style mentality.

@Luxell934

That was also me! What a load of bollocks.

You forgot to mention that for decades women have not been diagnosed with stuff they should have been and that women's health is generally neglected in this country, now at least women have more agency and knowledge to know to push for diagnosis.

Because it’s all behind and ends with misogyny.

Society only sees women as valid if theyre

• Struggling
• Being a Brilliant Mum (which is about 15 notches higher than men who are Excellent Dads
• Having sex
• Doing something for men
• Putting their own health, well-being and happiness last behind everyone including a random person passing by their door.
• Cleaning
• Cooking

Because relaxing after going through literally the most painful and physically exhausting experience they will ever go through, doesn’t tick any of the above boxes, it’s Very Bad and they are precious crybabies

I stopped work where i was on my feet all day literally days before giving birth then went back when he was a few months old. I completely agree op. But you know what... if I have another baby I'm going to use it to my advantage too 🤣 I was a teen mum and felt like I had to be amazing and crack on without moaning to show I could cope 100%. Passed out at work in late pregnancy due to standing all day. Came round and got back to work. Wouldn't do it now.