Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how this would be handled in your workplace?

253 replies

WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 20:55

Ok, I know it's not the first time I've asked a question like this on Mumsnet. I think my radar for what is normal or acceptable in the workplace is completely skewed at this point in my life. But here is a recent situation:

Employee A started working with the organisation recently. Employee B has been around a while and has a habit of teasing coworkers. For whatever reason, B was curious about A's age. A wasn't forthcoming. B looked for an opportunity, went to A's things and looked at their driver's license. (This was observed by another coworker. B said they were retrieving something at A's request.) Then B revealed to A what they knew and how they had found out, at the same time revealing A's age to a coworker.

A was upset but didn't know how to respond. Coworker responses were very mixed between exasperation and outrage, saying it was a breach of privacy and confidentiality.

Which would it be in your workplace? A prank gone wrong or misconduct?

OP posts:
Dunnoburt · 10/07/2023 21:56

15 years ago definitely a laugh....
Nowadays disciplinary probably resulting in formal warning.

Wimbo · 10/07/2023 21:58

‘pranking’ is for my 10 yo who reads the Beano. It is not for adults in a place of work.

Whataretheodds · 10/07/2023 22:00

Bubbles100 · 10/07/2023 21:03

Depends I guess on whether A reports it or chooses not to. If it’s reported then B should be thrown out on their ass. What a dick.

It shouldn't matter whether A reports or not. Otherwise that's how toxic cultures persist.

CC4712 · 10/07/2023 22:00

OP- So you have witness B being a knob for ? years and now witness them rifling through person A's bag.

Have you made a statement to HR or management as yet to support person A? If not- why not???

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 10/07/2023 22:02

CC4712 · 10/07/2023 22:00

OP- So you have witness B being a knob for ? years and now witness them rifling through person A's bag.

Have you made a statement to HR or management as yet to support person A? If not- why not???

This. Especially for a new employee. It is your absolute duty to report this.

Viviennemary · 10/07/2023 22:02

B is a bully.

Original poster
WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 22:04

Shame on me? Wow.

The reason I asked the question is because my coworkers all reacted in different ways. Nobody (except B, obviously) thought it was ok. Some said "oh, that's a bit bad, isn't it?" And some said "that's sackable."

But I know people have done things in the office before that I would have expected to be classed as gross misconduct. But management witnessed the events and took no action. So I honestly have no idea where the lines are anymore.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 10/07/2023 22:04

I have no idea what my workplace would do because I can’t imagine a coworker doing something so ridiculous.

Cucucucu · 10/07/2023 22:07

Misconduct for sure

LatteLady · 10/07/2023 22:07

This is a disciplinary situation, no other way to consider it.

HidingFromDD · 10/07/2023 22:10

I think you should report it. A probably won’t as they’re new and don’t want to make a fuss but this is absolutely gross misconduct and shouldn’t be tolerated. I’d be fuming if they’d done it to me

PonyPatter44 · 10/07/2023 22:12

B is a twat, and would be getting a final warning if they worked in my team.

Rosebel · 10/07/2023 22:15

I'd be fuming if someone went through my things but just can't imagine this happening where I work.
It wouldn't be seen as a prank either. B sounds really horrible. Massive difference between teasing and bullying and as for going through someone else's stuff that's just so disgusting. Perhaps A should go through all of Bs things and then reveal personal information to others.

WeAreTheHeroes · 10/07/2023 22:16

I wouldn't have told other colleagues. I'd have gone straight to a manager as soon as it was clear this person didn't have B's permission. How would you feel if someone did this to you? This should be treated exactly the same as someone rifling through files in an HR office. In fact it's worse because it's possible A has stolen something from B. A sounds awful.

Wimbo · 10/07/2023 22:17

OP I was v senior and witnessed a campaign of bullying. I spoke up several times against the perpetrator who was very sly and someone with more clout than me. However I documented the shit out of it and escalated to HR every single time. HR knew what was happening, everyone acknowledged it but didn’t do anything due to seniority.

Very long story short, I ended up resigning for a number of reasons, bullying being a key one and got an employment lawyer on it. I was given a very decent pay off, way less than the job I left which is a whole other story, but the evidence was irrefutable.

Point is they are on such dodgy ground here with multiple people. It’s not just person A.

Original poster
WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 22:18

I'm happy to make a statement to HR as and when they request it. There is a process to follow.

Today, I encouraged A to speak to line management, and diarised time for that to happen. It wasn't easy, because A did not want to raise it. But that's the first step in the process.

I have reported issues of professional conduct involving B before. It was very stressful and did not have any result.

OP posts:
Waterfallgirl · 10/07/2023 22:19

I think you are in a workplace where you have all reached the lowest standards of behaviour. You are all sort of ‘institutionalised’ to accept this.
B is a bully and been allowed to get away with this for years, by the sounds of it, just awful.

In your shoes I’d make a strong statement in support of the new colleague, you cannot let them complain and be the lone voice.

I would expect disciplinary action to be taken tbh. And if it wasn’t I’d be considering whether it’s where I’d like to be working.

MasterBeth · 10/07/2023 22:23

Our work culture is quite informal. This behaviour is completely unacceptable. How dare B rifle through A's private things!

Hawkins0001 · 10/07/2023 22:27

WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 21:14

That's pretty unanimous!

Re how it could be considered a prank... B teases everyone, pretty much constantly. If there's a boundary, B will poke it to see how firm it is. But equally, B wouldn't want to actually upset anyone, and would go out of their way to be supportive if someone is struggling.

That's one perspective, but to then go through another person's private effects, that takes the biscuits, what if the person was under witness protection with different I'ds etc.

gemstoneju · 10/07/2023 22:27

How did they look at A's things? Why would a driver's licence be so accessible? Sounds like they went rifling through pockets or a handbag or drawer. Definitely misconduct. Knew someone once who got carpeted for just looking in an HR file for an address of someone to send someone a card!

DuesToTheDirt · 10/07/2023 22:27

B teases everyone, pretty much constantly...But equally, B wouldn't want to actually upset anyone

B is completely lacking in self-awareness. What B did is certainly not just teasing, and is way past the boundary of acceptable behaviour. How can you say they don't want to upset anyone, when they pull stunts like that?

SpringleDingle · 10/07/2023 22:28

Misconduct

WeAreTheHeroes · 10/07/2023 22:30

B is one of those awful people who when met with someone complaining about their behaviour states they were only teasing and acts hurt when in fact they are a bully with a massive sense of entitlement.

Original poster
WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 22:31

WeAreTheHeroes · 10/07/2023 22:16

I wouldn't have told other colleagues. I'd have gone straight to a manager as soon as it was clear this person didn't have B's permission. How would you feel if someone did this to you? This should be treated exactly the same as someone rifling through files in an HR office. In fact it's worse because it's possible A has stolen something from B. A sounds awful.

I didn't tell other colleagues. When B revealed what he had done (yes, it's a he), it was in the middle of the office with A and most of the team present.

In terms of how I would feel in A's shoes... It's probably not a good comparison because I wouldn't care if someone went through my bag or looked at my details. But A did care.

There have been things that B did in the past that did upset me, and that were stressful to raise, so I do empathise with A.

OP posts:
Messyhair321 · 10/07/2023 22:32

no that is personal information and definitely a disciplinary matter,

Swipe left for the next trending thread