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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how this would be handled in your workplace?

253 replies

WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 20:55

Ok, I know it's not the first time I've asked a question like this on Mumsnet. I think my radar for what is normal or acceptable in the workplace is completely skewed at this point in my life. But here is a recent situation:

Employee A started working with the organisation recently. Employee B has been around a while and has a habit of teasing coworkers. For whatever reason, B was curious about A's age. A wasn't forthcoming. B looked for an opportunity, went to A's things and looked at their driver's license. (This was observed by another coworker. B said they were retrieving something at A's request.) Then B revealed to A what they knew and how they had found out, at the same time revealing A's age to a coworker.

A was upset but didn't know how to respond. Coworker responses were very mixed between exasperation and outrage, saying it was a breach of privacy and confidentiality.

Which would it be in your workplace? A prank gone wrong or misconduct?

OP posts:
TequilaNights · 10/07/2023 21:31

Well it wasn't a prank was it, absolutely misconduct, they could have found anything in As things, anything that was personal, appalling behaviour.

Original poster
WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 21:34

There is quite a bit of history. I think that the team is so accustomed to B's behaviour that it blends into the background, and every now and again there's a moment of "FFS B!"

It's helpful to hear the responses because it helps me realise that standards in the office have been absolute clown shoes for a while now.

OP posts:
icanflytoday · 10/07/2023 21:35

That is not the behaviour of a supportive person.

She breached trust and privacy boundaries.

If someone in my team did that it would be considered bullying. I'd have a hard job even if I wanted to (and I wouldn't) stopping HR treating it as misconduct.

icanflytoday · 10/07/2023 21:35

Oh to add to that, there is potential implication of age discrimination as why would someone's age matter! I barely know the age of anyone I work with!

Eenymeanymineymo · 10/07/2023 21:36

Misconduct on many levels

tommika · 10/07/2023 21:38

B has demonstrated that they knew what they were doing was wrong when they were witnessed and needed to lie that they were getting something on behalf of A

The other potential question is what were they really doing ?
Were they stealing from As bag, but were caught by another member of staff so invented two false stories that 1 - they were getting something on behalf of A, and 2 - knowing that this will be proven false that they also invented the story of looking up As age

CloverHilla · 10/07/2023 21:39

Lizzt2007 · 10/07/2023 21:18

rifling through a work colleagues personal property is in no way a 'prank'. That isn't 'pushing boundries' it's a gross invasion of privacy and serious misconduct.

Show quote history

@Lizzt2007 has it absolutely right. And B should be appropriately disciplined. Sounds like they've done stuff like this before. This should definitely go on their record.

GuinnessBird · 10/07/2023 21:41

I'd be coming down on B like a ton of bricks.

pinklama · 10/07/2023 21:42

Misconduct- disciplinary.

Americano75 · 10/07/2023 21:42

What a shitehawk!

CloverHilla · 10/07/2023 21:44

Also, what's your role? If you're their manager, you need to deal with B now! And also reassure A that is not acceptable work place practice.

CC4712 · 10/07/2023 21:44

It's helpful to hear the responses because it helps me realise that standards in the office have been absolute clown shoes for a while now.

Its been 3 pages of responses ALL saying is misconduct OP and you have written the above! You are clearly B, and if you aren't, you are just as bad for standing by and not notifying HR of their appalling behaviors. Shame on you for only now claiming this is wrong on multiple levels!

thecatsthecats · 10/07/2023 21:45

WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 21:14

That's pretty unanimous!

Re how it could be considered a prank... B teases everyone, pretty much constantly. If there's a boundary, B will poke it to see how firm it is. But equally, B wouldn't want to actually upset anyone, and would go out of their way to be supportive if someone is struggling.

Please report this incident, and whatever other incidents you witness, in writing.

I've worked with Bs, managed Bs and fired Bs when necessary.

And it's a complete pain in the arse when they finally do something really clear cut, but even though everyone knows what they're like, there's not a word of it in the record.

And they're usually shitehawk employees who aren't worth the hassle anyway.

Gazelda · 10/07/2023 21:46

The workplace isn't the place for pranks.

This was misconduct. It could be taken as bullying. It breached personal boundaries. It would surely make everyone in the team feel as though their belongings weren't secure. The next time anyone belongings go missing, B will be the obvious suspect.

Merryoldgoat · 10/07/2023 21:49

Disciplinary. 100%

Wimbo · 10/07/2023 21:49

Unacceptable.

neonjumper · 10/07/2023 21:50

B sounds like a pain to be around. They sound like a vile bully constantly harassing people and passing it off as 'teasing' and 'pranking' .

Gross misconduct... no two ways about it .

Those who witnessed this and not saying anything are part of this bullying culture .

Testina · 10/07/2023 21:50

“B looked for an opportunity, went to A's things and looked at their driver's license. (This was observed by another coworker. B said they were retrieving something at A's request.)”

So they actually rifled through a bag, and - almost certainly - opened up a wallet?

And you need to ask whether that’s acceptable?

Stern words in my workplace if they did something like peer over a shoulder to get the info (like if A had licence out to enter number online) and full on written misconduct warning if they’d actually gone into someone’s bag to do this!

So what has happened in your workplace?

Original poster
WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 21:51

No, I'm not B. I'm the coworker who saw what B was doing and challenged it. B said "Oh, A asked me to bring them something out of their bag". (It seemed plausible in the moment, given the job roles)

As soon as I realised what had happened, I told A what I had seen. I encouraged A to speak to a manager about it.

OP posts:
beeonmybonnett · 10/07/2023 21:51

I can’t imagine it being treated as anything other than misconduct.

That’s an invasion of one’s right to privacy. If someone went looking through my handbag for my driving licence I would be filing a formal grievance!

lljkk · 10/07/2023 21:51

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 10/07/2023 21:22

Guessing B is male?

HIDING for ridiculous sexism

I dunno OP, what the formal response would be, but I can't think of any colleague who wouldn't go nuclear or ice-cold furious about their stuff being meddled with.

sqirrelfriends · 10/07/2023 21:53

Depends who they were, HR were sneaky and would probably fire anyone without influence and brush it under the carpet if they were a high-up or very well known in the business.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 10/07/2023 21:53

Misconduct.

It wouldn't be tolerated where I work. Staff would refuse to work with someone like like and would call them out on it immediately.

I would love to see A try to defend or excuse it - they haven't a leg to stand on.

FloofCloud · 10/07/2023 21:53

WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 21:14

That's pretty unanimous!

Re how it could be considered a prank... B teases everyone, pretty much constantly. If there's a boundary, B will poke it to see how firm it is. But equally, B wouldn't want to actually upset anyone, and would go out of their way to be supportive if someone is struggling.

So they're basically digging Into the data available to them to do their professional job to take the piss ... HR need to know and follow up on gross misconduct

Houseplantmad · 10/07/2023 21:54

B is a knob and I don’t know why their “teasing” has gone unchecked for so long. There’s a fine line between teasing and harassing/bullying and they’ve just proven they don’t mind crossing that line.

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