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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask 17 year old to bring some spending money

106 replies

Postbox123 · 10/07/2023 11:27

DS, aged 17, part time at college, part time job, earns around £600 a month . Everything paid for at home , driving lessons, meals out, lots of treats , although does buy his own clothes although I get pants etc as basics. Already had an all inc holiday at Easter, even his own room, didn’t ask for any contribution from him.
We are heading to Greece this week, self catering, eat out every day . I have asked him to bring £250 towards his spending money . It’s not a cheap area and he eats and drinks as a grown man . He’s fuming, saying this isn’t what he got a job for. Impartial views please as we can’t agree on this , he’s usually really great full and not a brat so im wondering if im in the wrong for thinking £25 a day is unreasonable.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/07/2023 11:30

I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all to suggest he should bring some spending money. The only thing might be that you could have discussed this with him earlier, or when booking.

Does he have that amount of money?

Alternatively, Id say he has to pay for any alcoholic drinks he’s having - he’s 17 so you’d be in your rights to say no alcohol at all but I’m guessing that’s unrealistic.

Daffodil92 · 10/07/2023 11:31

i did this with my teenager last year. I paid for holiday and meals, but they bought their own holiday clothes and paid for extra drinks/snacks/souvenirs etc. Totally reasonable. My teen has more disposable income than me! 😁

Fraaahnces · 10/07/2023 11:32

Time to start charging board @Postbox123 He’s a brat

Sissynova · 10/07/2023 11:32

It’s not a cheap area and he eats and drinks as a grown man

Is it spending money incase he wants to buy things or do you think he should cover his own meals on holiday?

I do think you should have had this conversation with him when you booked it rather than the week of the holiday. At 17 he probably doesn't want to go on a family holiday if he is contributing and would rather have stayed at home and put the money towards things with his friends in the summer.

listsandbudgets · 10/07/2023 11:34

I think one question is what DID he get a job for? Is he saving for university or driving lessons - I think the answer to that question (provided you believe it!) would give a better context in which to make your decision.

Lordofmyflies · 10/07/2023 11:34

Umm, don't know. I think it depends what he's doing with his money. If he's working to put money away towards Uni fees or accommodation for uni in September, I wouldn't ask him to pay. If however, he's earning money for non-essentials - hell yeah, request away.

BonnieGlasses · 10/07/2023 11:36

You're not unreasonable at all. Would you still be paying for him if you eat out in the evening though? Or asking for a contribution to the bill?
He should definitely be paying for his own snacks and drinks during the day.

CC4712 · 10/07/2023 11:36

When I was that age (late 90's) myself or mum would be a large, can which was a piggy bank that could only be opened with a can opener. I would put in my loose change, the odd note etc, as a savings towards big holidays. Even at that age- it was exciting to open it up and count it before a holiday.

Did you only tell him this week that he needs to use his only money?

QWE96 · 10/07/2023 11:36

Remind him that having nice things like a holiday to Greece is exactly why he has a job. How does he think you pay for things? Does he expect to be subsidised forever? If he's earning £600, £250 is a small amount to ask. My parents would have expected to me to earn my own spending money at that age

Jonnycakes · 10/07/2023 11:36

It should’ve been discussed earlier. He might not have gone with you if he knew, especially if him contributing is a new thing which it sounds like it is.
We gave working DS the option last year at the same age as your son. We’d pay accommodation and some of his flight. He’d pay the rest and some food. He decided against it as he wanted to go away with his mates. But he had the notice to make the choice, he didn’t just think it was all paid for until the week we travelled.

Peony654 · 10/07/2023 11:38

What else is he spending it on? He should be paying board at least £100 a month anyway. But you should have discussed this when booking the holiday

Dixiechickonhols · 10/07/2023 11:38

I think conversation needed to be had when booked. Meals I’d class as part of holiday..spending money is for extras. You feed him at home so I can understand why he’d expect you to pay for him at family meals on holidays.
Not saying buy him unlimited drinks and snacks but making him pay for his evening meal sounds odd.
I suspect he’d have said no to hols if you explained he was paying.

Jonnycakes · 10/07/2023 11:38

And I’m not saying you’re wrong asking for a contribution, just perhaps this is a knee jerk reaction from him because he hadn’t been told until the week you go!

Whataretheodds · 10/07/2023 11:39

I agree with PP, and would add that he doesn't he to go if he doesn't want to sub himself.

Callyem · 10/07/2023 11:39

I think it comes down to the communication at the time of booking. Did he know he was expected to pay for his own meals when he agreed to go? He is only 17. Do you take rent from him at home or expect him to x9ntribute to the weekly shop? I'd imagine you blindsided him with very little time to react.

Original poster
Postbox123 · 10/07/2023 11:40

Hi, we discussed this when I booked , I just don’t think he actually thought I’d go along with it. He has just over £2000 saved and due around £5k on his 18th in a few months on his 18th . Thanks everyone, I’ve already said or thought what you have posted , he’s got a bloody nice life and he needs to contribute a little .

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 10/07/2023 11:41

My 17 yr old has a pt job but she doesn’t pay board and I don’t know any of her peers at sixth form that do.
We pay for most things her food, driving lessons, bus to school, some clothes, toiletries. She saves some for uni and spends rest on coffee, concert tickets, make up and clothes.
She’s coming on hols next month and we will pay for her.

Callyem · 10/07/2023 11:42

Do people really charge their under 18s rent? They are still dependants!

Maryandherlamb · 10/07/2023 11:43

I think it's reasonable. My kids are still young, but at that age I think I would be paying for all of their meals and drinks and would expect them to pay for their own souvenirs.

FabFitFifties · 10/07/2023 11:44

He needed to know earlier, so he had the choice whether to come or not. I agree with PP that introducing a token 'board' might be beneficial to his attitude generally. A contribution to the cost of the holiday, on booking, if he wanted to come, might have been better. You can't really expect him to stump up for his own meals.

FabFitFifties · 10/07/2023 11:46

Callyem · 10/07/2023 11:42

Do people really charge their under 18s rent? They are still dependants!

He's no longer in fulltime education,and he's working.

Mischance · 10/07/2023 11:48

Let him fume - 17 is old enough to know that life is not a free ride.

Shardonneigghhh · 10/07/2023 11:48

My 18 year old is disabled and receives benefits. He pays board.

What exactly does your son think he is working for? I would be expecting him to pay for his own driving lessons, phone bill, treats at that age. Otherwise how do they learn to be independent? A teenager shouldn't have more disposal income than the parent.

RoseDog · 10/07/2023 11:49

When my dc got jobs at 17 I stopped buying toiletries specifically for them, they can use what's here but if they want something different they buy it themselves, dd paid for most of her driving lessons herself, it took her 2 years to pass, Ds used saved up Xmas and birthday money and was lucky to pass quite quickly, but they both pay for the running of their cars, that they were lucky enough my parents bought them.

They buy their own clothes including underwear.

Dd 20 pays us monthly board as she works full time and it's not much compared to her income, she never when in education. Ds doesn't pay as he's just 18 works part time and still in education.

If we were going on holiday they wouldn't question using their own money.

mumto2teenagers · 10/07/2023 11:53

We usually pay for our DD's (23 & 21) meals on holidays even though they are both working. We did go on a UK holiday last year and they both bought there boyfriends, we paid for the lodge and did a grocery shop for part of the week and we had take-away / meals out for 4 nights that they covered, we did discuss when we booked the holiday that they would need to pay for activities and contribute something towards food.