Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask 17 year old to bring some spending money

106 replies

Postbox123 · 10/07/2023 11:27

DS, aged 17, part time at college, part time job, earns around £600 a month . Everything paid for at home , driving lessons, meals out, lots of treats , although does buy his own clothes although I get pants etc as basics. Already had an all inc holiday at Easter, even his own room, didn’t ask for any contribution from him.
We are heading to Greece this week, self catering, eat out every day . I have asked him to bring £250 towards his spending money . It’s not a cheap area and he eats and drinks as a grown man . He’s fuming, saying this isn’t what he got a job for. Impartial views please as we can’t agree on this , he’s usually really great full and not a brat so im wondering if im in the wrong for thinking £25 a day is unreasonable.

OP posts:
BloodyPrime · 10/07/2023 12:29

FriedasCarLoad · 10/07/2023 12:27

It might have been reasonable if you'd made it clear when booking the holiday.

It isn't reasonable to tell him at this stage that he needs to contribute that much money. Paying for his own alcohol, ice creams, etc, fine. But not for his own meals when you pay for them at home and didn't mention it before the holiday.

The OP says in their second post (of 3, so really not hard to find) that they discussed it when they booked it.

Nofreshstarthere22 · 10/07/2023 12:30

He is being a brat. Hes not working to go on. Holiday… real world

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 10/07/2023 12:33

DS is a uni student with a part time job and we expect him to get a round in on holiday/offer to buy ice creams etc. sometimes we say yes and sometimes we just appreciate the offer and say no. But he knows he needs to offer and have the cash to stump up when we accept the offer. It isn’t really from a money perspective but a teaching him to not be a freeloader & expect to pay his way in life.

Original poster
Postbox123 · 10/07/2023 12:34

I did tell him he needed to bring ‘a couple
of hundred ‘ with him, this was not a surprise. It’s certainly not asking him to pay for his own meals, the £25 a day will cover about 1/3 of his daily cost .
He also knows we have paid extra for a two bed apartment rather than him sleep
on the sofa bed in the lounge which is pretty standard .

OP posts:
Flossflower · 10/07/2023 12:35

At 17 he is not yet an adult and your responsibility. I expect he would rather spend his money with his friends than going on holiday with you.

reluctantbrit · 10/07/2023 12:37

DD is younger and doesn't work but when we are on holiday she buys her own snacks and drinks since years. Obviously meals are paid by us and if we go to a cafe we may pay for everything if we all get something.

But she also invites us and pays for an icecream/soft drink when we are out.

She gets a decent chunk of pocket money and knows how to budget and save.

Sleepydoor · 10/07/2023 12:40

Callyem · 10/07/2023 11:42

Do people really charge their under 18s rent? They are still dependants!

Exactly.

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/07/2023 12:41

Flossflower · 10/07/2023 12:35

At 17 he is not yet an adult and your responsibility. I expect he would rather spend his money with his friends than going on holiday with you.

@Flossflower

he’ll be happy to stay home whilst his parents go on holiday then won’t he
that’s what I would do do Op

Mari9999 · 10/07/2023 12:41

@Postbox123
If I planned this as a family vacation , I would pay for every thing. The kids could bring whatever spending money they had and could or could not spend it as they saw fit. As long as they are full time students and it is a vacation that I planned, I would expect to cover everything including purchases and souvenirs.

I would not plan a family trip that I could not afford.

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 10/07/2023 12:43

Life lessons, you earn, you pay your way. He's still getting a free holiday and needs to grow up and realise adults don't get financed by parents indefinitely.

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/07/2023 12:43

Tighginn · 10/07/2023 12:13

Nah, if you want a family unit holiday, with a teen, you need to foot the overheads.

@Tighginn

no you don’t
did you miss the bit where op said he has more disposable cash then she does?
what kind of teen in that situation doesn’t think then have to contribute?!

MuggleMe · 10/07/2023 12:44

I think the answer might be to pay for everything you also have, but anything over he pays for. Which might be less than the £25/day.

But when you're back he starts paying for his own gym membership, footie tickets, food at college (over x a week) etc etc. He clearly doesn't appreciate how much you pay for.

Flossflower · 10/07/2023 12:46

Mari9999 · 10/07/2023 12:41

@Postbox123
If I planned this as a family vacation , I would pay for every thing. The kids could bring whatever spending money they had and could or could not spend it as they saw fit. As long as they are full time students and it is a vacation that I planned, I would expect to cover everything including purchases and souvenirs.

I would not plan a family trip that I could not afford.

Good post

ilovemydogmore · 10/07/2023 12:47

I agree with others in that if you planned the trip, he shouldn't have to subsidise it. It is fair enough though, to suggest he brings some money and that pays for ice creams or drinks on a couple of occasions since he has so much saved.

Original poster
Postbox123 · 10/07/2023 12:52

I’ve certainly never said this is a family holiday we can not afford, or that he has more disposable income than we do, no idea where you read that. I just feel that after he’s already has a week 5* all
inc this year , he should cover a few of his own beers this time.
I simply felt it was time for him to appreciate how expensive life is and what a relatively privileged life he has

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 10/07/2023 12:52

I think if this is the first time you’ve even asked him to make a contribution (I was going to say pay his way, but that’s laughable), and he’s reacted this way about it, he’s very selfish and is not at all prepared for the real world out there, I think if I was you that attitude would feel like a kick In the teeth after everything you do for him.

I hope he shows generosity in other ways.

RobertsRadio · 10/07/2023 12:53

"When I say we cover all his basics, that includes season ticket for a premier league team , mobile phone, gym, all toiletries, food, takeaways and meals while at college/work."

He has got a very nice life at home with you also paying for his driving lessons. I don't agree with some posters that he should be paying for bed and board while he still in education, but he should be grateful that you are paying for his driving lessons and gym membership.

£25 a day for spending money is peanuts compared to his earnings and savings and I think it's time he now starts learning how things work financially in the real world. He will be 18 in a few months, he can't expect to always be babied and fully funded by the bank of Mum and Dad, this seems like a good way of gently introducing the notion of fiscal self reliance to him.

continentallentil · 10/07/2023 12:54

Meals I think you should cover - but drinks, ice-creams, trips then that’s fine.

I think you are getting him an awful lot at home. He should be contributing to the season ticket, unless that’s a big present.

Nanny0gg · 10/07/2023 12:56

Postbox123 · 10/07/2023 12:22

Sorry, I need to add more context. The £25 a day is for him to maybe get a round of drinks a day or buy the odd lunch or ice creams for the family . It’s an expensive area but we all have the best holidays .
He knows the area well, seriously enjoys his meals out and going for a few beers afterwards. The three of us usually spend about £200 a day.
When I say we cover all his basics, that includes season ticket for a premier league team , mobile phone, gym, all toiletries, food, takeaways and meals while at college/work . He’s studying a levels, 3.5 days a week and works 13 hours in a well
paid job for his age, at a well known high street pharmacy .
He clearly thinks his wages are to spend on designer clothes only!

Well it's time you were more realistic with what you pay for

Sissynova · 10/07/2023 12:56

I mean I think you pay for a lot of social things for him considering he has a job, however it is then really weird to pay for his toiletries, bus fare, football season ticket takeaways but then expect him to buy the family lunch on holiday.

Sigmama · 10/07/2023 12:57

I'd pay for my 17 year olds, they've got plenty of time to realise 'how expensive life is'

Mari9999 · 10/07/2023 12:57

@WhineWhineWhineWINE
I guess that I would see my 17 year old as on the road to adulthood. If they are full time students, and that would be my expectation, I would not plan a family a vacation expecting them to pay for anything.

I think a great life lesson for any child to learn is that as an adult , you should not purchase or plan anything for which you cannot afford to pay.

BonnieGlasses · 10/07/2023 12:58

The £25 a day is for him to maybe get a round of drinks a day or buy the odd lunch or ice creams for the family.

That's fair IMO. I enjoy treating my family on holiday now when I can, but probably wouldn't have thought to do it at 17! It's good that you're giving him a nudge.

Ponderingwindow · 10/07/2023 13:00

If he is taking a full course load, then I wouldn’t call it part-time education just because it only meets 3.5 days a week. Out of classroom time counts as well.

if he is in school full-time, I think it’s fair for him to pay some towards his own enjoyment on holiday at that age, but not to be buying things for the family. Even my 14 year old knows she might have to buy a souvenir or pay for a treat if she wants to go beyond what the bank of mom and dad are willing to provide on holiday.

Tighginn · 10/07/2023 13:00

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/07/2023 12:43

@Tighginn

no you don’t
did you miss the bit where op said he has more disposable cash then she does?
what kind of teen in that situation doesn’t think then have to contribute?!

Show quote history

If the financial situation is that dire, a holiday should not be on the agenda.