DD's uni costs

[WarriorWalrus]

DD1 is 17, 18 at the start of August. DH and I can't agree on what costs we should be covering while she is at uni and what she should budget for herself.
Due to our income DD only qualifies for the most basic maintenance loan. We have savings for her, so it won't be out of our monthly income (though I intend to keep putting money into her savings while she is at uni). Her grandparents have offered to pay for her accommodation (£350 a week).
So far we haven't figure out how much her monthly allowance from us will be, but we disagree on what this should cover. DH thinks the amount we set should cover everything, food, clothes, socialising, club fees, holidays etc.
I think food, socialising and day to day clothes sure, but she plans to join one of the sports teams so I think we should pay for the initial registration cost and kit costs, allow her to use money from the savings for travel, she currently gets private coaching in her sport, I think we should pay for this to continue at uni (I know she wants it to) and step in with extra money for more expensive clothes for events or such.
We don't want her to and she doesn't intend to get a job (Uni, Socialising, Sport and extra work to help future career should take up most of her time). But we do want to teach her to budget.
AIBU to think the additional things should be covered by us, anyone with Uni aged kids got a rough idea of how much she will need monthly?

I think uni accommodation costs have increased dramatically in recent years.
I’ve had a very frank conversation with mine about what choosing London will mean in terms of work/lifestyle. Most of her peers have been told no London unis (we are up north)
£350 is absolute top end accommodation though.

'Ps. If she graduates at 21 with no real work experience things will be very tough for her
We looked into it, she will not have the time'

YOU looked into it? You need to cut those apron strings. I would pay for the sport, work out what she needs for food then the rest is on her. Presuming bills are included in the halls?

She needs to grow up - we wouldn't hire a grad straight out of Uni with zero work experience. She's lucky to have someone paying her rent as is.

Seriously? That's about how much I have for myself and my DC for the month after rent but before bills 🙄 how will she survive? I've avoided people who live off their parents in life. Don't be surprised if her fellow students do the same. Many don't have a choice but to work, and have no time or money for luxuries like socialising and sports ffs.

My child is at Kings and has never had a term time job. Why would they, when we can afford for them not to have one? They budget just fine, better than I did at that age! They do have a summer job, but will probably save all of their money from that and invest it. They often try to give money back to us as they say they don’t need it. Social life, etc all good. Why have we worked so hard, if not so that our children don’t have to?

"DD has always said as she is used to having nicer stuff etc. she has more of an incentive to work hard to keep it, if she got comfortable less she would lose the incentive to work as hard."

So you've got a DD who's basically blackmailing you into keeping her in the manner in which she has become accustomed, otherwise she'll tank her degree. She sounds like a spoiled little princess who is going to get the shock of her life when she enters the real world - unless you plan to continue to pay her a monthly amount for the rest of her life?!

I would cover sports costs and equipment/coaching/trips for sport, and rent is paid.

As it is affordable to you I would give an allowance for her to cover food, socialising, clothes. I wouldnt just be paying her tab each month for whatever she deems reasonable. If she is to learn to budget give her an amount and let her manage it. More socialising means less on clothes etc. She will have to prioritise month to month.

On second thoughts, she' had such a privileged life already - let her keep it.

It makes our hiring decisions way easier, and means we'll be giving grads from less privileged backgrounds the leg up they need in our industry.

DD has always said as she is used to having nicer stuff etc. she has more of an incentive to work hard to keep it, if she got comfortable less she would lose the incentive to work as hard.
I can’t quite parse this sentence, but statistically giving your children nice things through childhood and early adulthood to the point they acknowledge they are used to nice things does NOT relate particularly well to incentivising them to work hard. I know a few people used to nice things. They continue to think they deserve nice things whether they have a job or not, and always seem to think their life is harder than other peoples who are clearly 10x as busy as them.
I am mystified by these people who think their darlings interests make them too special to have a job while studying so they can focus on their sport and building a portfolio. Are there any actual journalists you could talk to? At least a little job. At least some responsibility to cover a single one of her own costs. To earn something, as a step into adult life.

Well, when labour win the next general election, these hard working parents will have to pay 20% more vat on school fees making Eton, harrow, Westminster, Marlborough all over 50k per year.

'legs up' these days are well, well beyond the realms of families who are just 'hard working'.... This is overseas money, property money or inherited family wealth. From prep to uni, it's well over £300k per child now for the privileged.

I wouldn't normally care... There have always been the rich. But I care now when graduate jobs are so scarce, young poorer graduates who need a chance are in such debt (at 6% interest per year), and nepotism is everywhere

I wonder if grandparents will fund accommodation has led to her choosing dearest and her being slow so all the cheaper had gone.
I wonder if you’d said instead of them
paying it directly saying we’ll give you £x pounds would have led to her making different decisions. May be something to think about for yr 2 and yr3.

Just to add, none of their friends have term time jobs, not even the ones on bursaries

If the grandparents are paying for the accommodation, she can probably mostly live off the maintenance loan. I think that's what other students are having to do. I would probably pay for anything relating to health and perhaps transport too. It would be a good idea for her to earn money in the summer holidays too.

@Diamond7272 I have no idea what you are gabbing about. The days of working for daddy's friend Hamish in the City petered out in about 1980. Even in the 80's daddy's friend was only likely to suggest you for interview if you had an Oxbridge 1st and MBA from Stamford.

My DC's friends who are on grad programmes are on them because they have upper seconds or firsts from a handful of uni's and a Masters from a similar uni.

All the DC's friends are working hard and are not entitled or incapable despite being relatively privileged.

The bitterness in your posts is not nice.

Where did you teach and when?

Threads like this give me lots of stress. Our income is “good” but 3 dc in uni at the same time isn’t affordable. Does the maintenance loan consider that or just income? I don’t happen to have a spare £4,200 per month!!!

However, I worked hard to get to where I am, make the money I do, as did DH.

This is such an intellectually dishonest view. Do nurses and teachers not work hard? What about cleaners?

It's very kind of her dgp to help your DD. I think the first step is to make the loan she will get equal to if she got the full loan. It's not her fault your DH earns a higher amount so she doesn't qualify for it. I'd keep paying her sports fees coaching and for any new sports she wants to try plus the full kit. If you don't want her to get a part time job then you will need to pay her enough not to work. I did that with my DD. If you can afford to be generous with her then I would be. I know a lot of people won't be able to afford to give as much support but if you can why wouldn't you. She can still budget out what you give her.

Absolutely this! I cannot fathom what my response would be if my DC said this to me. It would probably be along the lines of 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

"You need to keep me in the matter yo which I am accustomed so I work hard, else I become lazy and complacent" indeed. What a crock

DH and I are both headteachers, your point is moot.

If you're paying her rent, then she can survive on her (minimum) maintenance loan for food, fun, sports, etc. No need for you to be paying for anything else. If she wants more, then she needs to get a part time job, which will prepare her for the adult world far better by getting into the workplace, even in a place like McDonalds. Lots do and manage just fine to party, study and play sports alongside a bit of part time work.

I’m going to go against the grain and say that £500 a month for food and socialising is not “plenty” in London. Far from it!

I spend £100-150/week on groceries and I’m one petite female in London.

Unless people think OP’s daughter should eat cheap rubbish instead of healthy and nutritious food (especially important if she’s doing lots of sport)?!

An inexpensive night out in London is around £50 (drinks, club entry, uber home) and it’s perfectly reasonable for a Uni student to want to go on at least a couple of nights out a week.

I think £800-1,000 a month is about right for food and socialising.

https://www.ft.com/content/78e9e1da-ce10-11e7-947e-f1ea5435bcc7

Now here comes the rub for those with siblings at university. The means testing depends on what is called household “residual” income. This is defined as income before tax, any pension contributions and, wait for it . . . “after allowances for other dependent children”. Page 10 of the Student Loan Company’s How You’re Assessed” document explains: “We’ll ignore £1,130 for any child other than you who is totally or mainly financially dependent on them [parents].” In other words, for two or more children (or worse, triplets) at university at the same time, the only concession is that your income for assessment is mildly reduced. Or to put it more plainly, even if you need to shell out £5,000 for your other child, the system only counts that you’re paying out £1,130. Unsurprisingly, more than 50 per cent of parents have children born within three years of each other (according to a quick Twitter poll I did with 12,000 respondents) so their university years could easily overlap. And that’s going to cost.

We've put some away since they were babies - not always easy and IL have saved some money since than as well which will help them - but yes having more than one or even three at university at same time will be expensive - worse as cost of living bites as well.

Son No 1 gets rent paid by us and lives on basic maintenance loan. It is more than enough for him to survive on and he has some left over usually. He usually works in the summer, saves and is quite frugal.

If her accomodation is paid (lucky girl) her minimum loan should cover everything else. That's a very common arrangement for students whop are only eligible for minimum loans - parents (or in this case grandparents ) pay for housing and the student pays for food and recreation.

No it doesn’t take into account outgoings or multiple children at uni.
Only households on under £25,000 get the full maintenance loan.
Households earning over £58,000 the teen only gets minimum maintenance loan which often won’t even cover halls.
If my dc goes to London our expected parental contribution is £543 a month.
Lots of parents still haven’t caught on to this or caught on too late.

No, usually the wealthier kids who have done prestigious internships and summer schemes have far better prospects than those with only minimum wage / temp jobs on their CV. OP references the former in her post.