DD's uni costs

[WarriorWalrus]

DD1 is 17, 18 at the start of August. DH and I can't agree on what costs we should be covering while she is at uni and what she should budget for herself.
Due to our income DD only qualifies for the most basic maintenance loan. We have savings for her, so it won't be out of our monthly income (though I intend to keep putting money into her savings while she is at uni). Her grandparents have offered to pay for her accommodation (£350 a week).
So far we haven't figure out how much her monthly allowance from us will be, but we disagree on what this should cover. DH thinks the amount we set should cover everything, food, clothes, socialising, club fees, holidays etc.
I think food, socialising and day to day clothes sure, but she plans to join one of the sports teams so I think we should pay for the initial registration cost and kit costs, allow her to use money from the savings for travel, she currently gets private coaching in her sport, I think we should pay for this to continue at uni (I know she wants it to) and step in with extra money for more expensive clothes for events or such.
We don't want her to and she doesn't intend to get a job (Uni, Socialising, Sport and extra work to help future career should take up most of her time). But we do want to teach her to budget.
AIBU to think the additional things should be covered by us, anyone with Uni aged kids got a rough idea of how much she will need monthly?

OP - you’ll never get much support from the haters on AIBU
They will say anything to bring others down.
I bought my son a beautiful house to live in. Is he spoiled - yes. Is he a wonderful loving son - yes.

As long as your daughter truly “wants” to do the sports AND the Uni, and you are not pushy parents ….. then pay what you can towards everything. One life. One opportunity

Crikey. Does she know how entitled she is?

We give DD £250 per month to cover food clothing socialising, we pay for train fares home, she doesnt work term time but works in the hols to top up her spending money

Oooh look at us our kids are rich rich

Oh my, just stop!
The OP just asked for advice not opinions

Generosity does not imply parental control.

Not always, no, but it is something my own DC have noticed with their wealthier friends and something that is often apparent on this type of thread. I know of so many instances of kids whose parents see their expensive education as an investment - an investment for the parents, that is, who then want to see a return on their investment in terms of their DC making certain choices.

She can spend her money as she wishes. The tennis coach may well be struggling without her…..
You’d also moan if her DD took a student job from a more ‘deserving’ student,

Just a note to say I completely understand your issue as my daughter is starting a Masters at UCL. She will have to pay £315 per week and also plays sport. Her tuition alone is twice the amount of her previous Bachelors degree. It is absolutely insane. We are helping her out with funding because we want her to concentrate on her studies. She also works in the summer/spring/Christmas breaks but it’s not enough. So it is entirely possible to help your children out if you’re fortunate enough to be able to without them being spoiled and ungrateful. Please don’t listen to the criticism and just help her figure out what works best. It’s often difficult to know before they start how much it will really cost to live at uni but it’s more expensive in beginning and soon settles down. Good luck! 😊

This. I'm in recruitment and the importance of having had some "this is how we go to work/ work in an office/have responsibilities" etc can't be over-emphasised, especially as her job market competition will have mainly done so. Can she do a business year/internship as part of her degree? That would really help.

@HollaHolla
Didn't you know that most MC MNers only know about England?
My DD has her place at Glasgow Uni & will have halls confirmed within the next week, thankfully just under £600pm.

For parents with DC thinking of studying in London or about to, I just saw this and thought it might help with budgeting. They suggest a budget of between £17,500 - £28,500 a year for accommodation and living expenses.

Cost of Living - Trinity Laban

All ECL Halls have catered (12 meals a week) which are really cheap or non-catered have cooking facilities. This could save on food bills. Average cost of catered Halls is 350 pounds/wk. If it were me, I would ask her to a budget for you to vet and come to agreement on.

@WarriorWalrus I recommend your DD applies for an 18+ Oyster travel card as it will give her discounts on buses & tubes etc.
18+ Student Oyster photocard - Transport for London (tfl.gov.uk)

If you’ve agreed she won’t get a job then she can’t pay for things herself. Other than using her savings. In the old days you got a grant or part of one and your parents were told what their contribution up to the full amount should be. Then there were loans on top. Is there not some similar guidance these days? My parents literally gave me the amount the council told them to make up my grant to. I took out the loans at the time so I had the extra money. In my last year I ended up getting a job. Most of my friends had their loans and parental contribution as suggested however most of them were also given a substantial amount over that OR they for a job.

Don't know if I posted this : https://www.imperial.ac.uk/study/fees-and-funding/living-costs/

If it's any help my DS got £9,500 mean tested loan last year (Covid hit our finances really hard) he also got £3k bursary from his uni (doesn't pay this back). From this he had to pay everything.
His grandparents send him £200 per month.
We as parents set him up with the essentials ie plates, pans etc.
He also had £5k savings of his own.
His rent is £200 pw (only 30 weeks per year)
He has bought everything he needs and never asks for help, booked 2 holidays for the summer.
Doesn't spend a lot socialising as uni life is not one big party (for him)
He said the other day he now has £10,000 in the bank so it shows he really is being careful with his money. He qualifies for about the same loan this coming year so hoping he will have enough to see him thorough the 3rd year when he will just qualify for the basic as our household earnings have rocketed.

I don’t pay or haven’t paid that level of rent for the 3 of mine that have so far been to Uni (1 due to go in 2024 as taking a gap year) . Halls are perceived to be far more expensive because no additional bills other than food and are a good start & induction into building a network in a new place.

I have always paid at least the rent for my brood as maintenance loan is not sufficient to live on. 2 of mine haven’t worked at Uni & 1 did (their choice). I usually buy clothes, a big food shop when we visit & when they come home and if they specifically ask I will give more ( usually for a formal or a gig). It also depends on who they mix with and how much money they have. Some Uni’s are full of very wealthy students.

Rents are also extortionate in other cities, driven my shortage of properties. We pay £9K a year and have to pay for 3 months in advance! We have been lucky we haven’t had to pay for 2 at once although the one currently at Uni wants to study for a masters which will push us into that position next year.

Good Luck do what you feel is best for your daughter & your family, balancing affordability with their independence, life experience & learning.

Those from families who are able to financially support are disadvantaged as maintenance loans, even at the higher level are not sufficient to live on.

I am with you OP. Our DD only gets tuition fee loan and we pay her rent. She has a weekly allowance of £100 and we also pay her phone, Spotify, gym membership and car expenses. We also contribute to holidays etc. She has had a couple of jobs in the early days of uni during holidays but her degree is very demanding now. It’s a 5 year course and she has one year to go. Looking forward to her financial independence as we have cut back on pretty much everything to lessen her debt and make her life comfortable. I was never supported in any way by family (hindered really) and I believe this has made me want to provide to an extent that many on here would not agree with.

Sorry I can’t get past the £350 a week! Is this London? My daughter will be paying £173 and I thought that was extortionate. My daughter is definitely getting a job - I had 3 while I was at Uni and worked in the holidays.

This..........good grief, no wonder some of them are so entitled, and have no idea about money, responsibility, deferring gratification.
She will never learn to budget this way.

Much though I hate to say it, it will pay off to subsidise her as much as possible. I’m from a thoroughly working class background, worked my ass off through uni, went without, scraped by until I got a very prestigious job on pure merit. And I just lost it because I’m not as representative as my colleagues, i.e. I need better makeup, haircuts, nails and clothes I can’t afford, and speak more like an upper class lady. Fuck that. Subsidise the hell out of the girl so she doesn’t have to face this shit.

£350 a week is that really necessary your giving her very unrealistic views of adulthood…that is insane!

When I was at uni I got a small grant from the LEA and my parents made it up to the equivalent of a full grant. I was very lucky they paid each term at the start of term. Some of my friends came from much wealthier backgrounds but their parents paid haphazardly so it was difficult for them to budget.

It sounds like he's at Cambridge who are very generous to poorer students. My eldest 2 went there on a full maintenance grant ( about 12/13 years ago) and both managed to save money. Ds is in his 2nd year of university ( not Cambridge) and his rent is extortionate and he pays all year round.

@Manthide your right, he is. It's just down the road from us too so it really was so fortunate he was offered a place. His other high choice was Durham which I'm sure would be equally as good except for the distance.