DD's uni costs

[WarriorWalrus]

DD1 is 17, 18 at the start of August. DH and I can't agree on what costs we should be covering while she is at uni and what she should budget for herself.
Due to our income DD only qualifies for the most basic maintenance loan. We have savings for her, so it won't be out of our monthly income (though I intend to keep putting money into her savings while she is at uni). Her grandparents have offered to pay for her accommodation (£350 a week).
So far we haven't figure out how much her monthly allowance from us will be, but we disagree on what this should cover. DH thinks the amount we set should cover everything, food, clothes, socialising, club fees, holidays etc.
I think food, socialising and day to day clothes sure, but she plans to join one of the sports teams so I think we should pay for the initial registration cost and kit costs, allow her to use money from the savings for travel, she currently gets private coaching in her sport, I think we should pay for this to continue at uni (I know she wants it to) and step in with extra money for more expensive clothes for events or such.
We don't want her to and she doesn't intend to get a job (Uni, Socialising, Sport and extra work to help future career should take up most of her time). But we do want to teach her to budget.
AIBU to think the additional things should be covered by us, anyone with Uni aged kids got a rough idea of how much she will need monthly?

The words to Pulp’s Common people are on my loop in my head lol

What sort of job is that?

Sorry for your loss.

The truth is @WarriorWalrus she did not have to choose this very expensive hall. As DD2 was at uni in London I know there are numerous price points. We all know a central flat will be expensive. Going further out less so. She has not compromised at all. Did you have any input into choosing where to live and shortlisting? I did with DD as it mattered. DDs old flat with en suite bathroom is now £11,000 for 50 weeks so you are paying way over what’s necessary.

We gave DD £450 a month on top of minimum loan. You will just have to work out what you can afford now it’s been blown on accommodation. Good luck with what she wants next year! Has she checked out the Ritz yet?!

My DD gets basic maintenance loan and we pay her rent. That's £1500/term, roughly £100 /week for food, clothes, socialising, buses etc. She works in the holidays.

She has saved over £2k during her first year to pay for a couple of mini breaks/holidays. Second year she'll pay utilities in her rented house £100/month).

It's a balance between making her responsible for budgeting vs having her struggle. I do understand London cost of living & transport is super expensive.

If the 350 is for halls that usually includes all bills so she won’t have to pay for any accommodation costs except some cleaning products?

Id allow her to live on 500 a month but maybe allow her to order food/toiletries/household essentials online each week with a set budget that you pay for. If she wants to travel or do anything else extravagant whilst at uni she needs to learn to save some of that 500 or get a job (she should have time in the holidays there are off Uni nearly 1/3 of the year!)

There will definitely be a reasonable proportion who are set up like your DD. It does sound like working in term time will be difficult. You presumably all agreed on her going to London.

one of the many reasons I work so hard now is that my kids will be fully subsidised through university and leave with zero debts. It is a great gift to be lucky enough to give.

A flat share might be cheaper. I rented a room in a lovely flat in central london and was charged 200 per week when I was a student

Wow I can see that you think by providing everything for your daughter and making life "easier" for her at university will benefit her but I would resist the urge to give her the life of riley.
I went to university (a long time ago) and received a full student loan and maintenance grant. My BA course was in design so I also had to build a portfolio and gain relevant work experience. I still managed to work 25 hours per week (over Friday, Saturday, Sunday) and get a 1st class degree, leading straight into a job in a very competitive industry. This is not a stealth boast. My parents instilled a strong work ethic in me - I've worked since I was 16 in various part time jobs. By working I gained transferable skills; communication, time management, team building, ability to manage my own finances, understanding the value of money, how to build relationships, manage conflict.
All of which gave me a massive edge in getting my foot in the door.

My friends that didn't work whilst at university and were from privileged backgrounds struggled to find work and when they did they found they didn't have the right attitude to fit in and succeed and seemed to fall behind. At work I've had to deal with plenty of spoilt graduates starting out in their profession and complaining after a month that they haven't been promoted or that they can only afford 2 holidays this year instead of 3, or they want more money. Its unbearable.
Don't make life too easy for your daughter. It won't do her any favours in the long run.

£500 is loads! Skewed view here maybe as I left home before uni (I took a year out) and paid my own way through. I worked full time for a year and saved up then worked full time during uni holidays.

'DD' is going to get the shock of her life once she has to start 'adulting' for herself. Parents are doing her absolutely no favours at all.

She sounds like an absolute pampered princess who is being well and truly indulged by her parents and grandparents!!

My DS was in last year at a top 5 prestigious Uni for only about £120-£130 a week albeit self catering and sharing a bathroom with one other and a kitchen and living space with 11 others.

He is a member of his College gym, two sports clubs and has socialised himself silly for a heck of a lot less than you are proposing to give your DD. But then he budgeted, cooked his own meals from scratch (going back to halls for lunch) and shopped at Aldi and Lidl not Waitrose.

In the real world most students parents cover them for basic living costs (if they are able to) and its up to the students to prioritise whether they want to shop frugally and spend time cooking then have a good social life, hardly by any new clothes (make do with what they have), have pre drinks with friends and nights out in College bars etc. Most can’t afford the most expensive accommodation, indulge in private training and have almost limitless spending money for clothes, full on socialising and lengthy holidays all funded by parents. Most have to work most of the holidays to pay for basics and or extras at Uni.

People are being very unkind. Parents wanting their children to be comfortable and supported? What a shocker.

@WarriorWalrus I don’t understand how earlier you said your children don’t come from a privileged upbringing when their grandparents are so financially well off that they can pay for (what sounds like) all of their grandchildren’s university rent in entirety. This to me is the very definition of privileged upbringing.

This ... ^ Some people are absolutely awful on here ... Funny thing is, I don't really know anybody like that in real life. Everyone I know whose kids who went to university supported them, took them there, helped them pack and unpack, helped them start up their new little flat (or halls room,) and bought everything they needed for their kitchen and bathroom and whatever, and filled their cupboard with food. And then went and got them for the summer holidays and supported them through the summer holidays (and let them go travelling if they wanted,) and then took them back to uni.

Some people weren't very well off but their child did get grants and bursaries and loan and whatever...

What they did do, was their the best to support the young adult child ...

Some people act on here like the second a child turns 18 years old that they should just be kicked out into the cold and the snow and never ever be let back into the house again ... And the parents that DO end up letting their child stay have strict rules, and they do exactly what they're told - and contribute to all the washing and cooking and cleaning, and pay £500 a month to stay - and be bloody grateful they've got a roof over their head!

Not everybody turns into a fully fledged responsible adult on their bloody 18th birthday - or even one or two years into being at uni ... It makes wonder why some people have children to be honest with you.

£350 a week for the accomodation?? That cant be right, my dd in London and that's £220 a week , you must have that wrong, Id say if you are financing her, 70 a week? for food and going out only!

id get her to work tbh as having everything paid for by mummy and daddy wont do her any favours in the real world.

Uni life is supposed to be about struggle and it's what will set apart those that have struggled from those that have been handed privilege on a plate.
There is nothing in the world like achieving something when you've had to work and strive for it, it teaches grit and determination. There is also no better bonding experience with your Uni mates than struggling together, believe it or no but it's those moments of struggle that you look back on with the fondest of memories.
I'm not saying don't help her out but when she gets her degree how do you expect her to fare in the cut throat job market without any real life experience? How will she learn to budget if you are there to pick up the bill? How will she learn to prioritise or meet deadlines if she hasn't had to juggle her degree with a job?
Give her the chance to struggle a bit, let her make her own mistakes, give her the opportunity to work hard and achieve something great for herself.

I think you’re being very binary here. Most parents want to support their kids but have different views on what support means. If you throw everything you can at them to ensure they never have to make choices or plan their own life, it all gets taken care of-that raises entitled brats whatever their background. My friend is married to a wealthy guy-when their kid said he wanted to travel, they said great idea, how you going to pay for it. They could’ve easily given him the money many times over but he worked a ski season cleaning chalets and cooking as well as having fun and then evenings and weekends in holidays in a local gadtropub. Those experiences helped build his character far more than giving him a cheque.

Christ op, l am shocked by the vitriol on here...
shame on you for being financially comfortable,
shame on you for making sure your own child doesn't have to give up her sport to prove her financial independence,
Shame on you for being willing to let her make her own choices on location
shame on you for letting her GPs help with choosing her accomodation..God forbid!

Surely you should only let her wear a hair shirt and struggle her hardest like the very poorest student...

When my sister went to uni my parents paid for her accommodation, and energy bills and then they gave her the equivalent to what an adult would get if on benefits that she could use for travel, phone, food and socialising. She was better off than most of her friends who had to get part time jobs but she was still a skint student who had to manage on a budget.

Haven't you been told what the parental contribution is? I would give her that with maybe a bit extra if the sport is expensive. We have the parental contribution and that with their loan and holiday job money covered their outgoings.

I personally feel she needs to learn to budget or she will be dreadful with money as an adult and a large socialising\personal spends allowance sends the wrong message especially if she is not being expected to do paid work. Both my DDs did work in the holidays and presumably there is no reason she can't do that?

I’m sure someone posted a link with the options at her uni, proving that £350 whilst the most expensive is a thing.

Oh, my good lord!!! I know the feeling, though; similar background to you, just finished uni, worked through it, and got top marks; I managed to get a job in a good company that is like a safe space for working-class people, but 'some' employers are ultimately exclusionary. I refused to apply for grad schemes too!! Hope it's not in the same industry as me :/

I would never have expected my parents to pay for socialising. I’m not even sure they paid for rent after Halls. I always had at least one job and usually two. I understand wanting to contribute to most other things but would suggest you encourage her to get a job. Some jobs are really nice and help build relationships outside of Uni and experience of being part of a team etc. A lot of young people at that age are working full time! It’s not a big ask really as you’re enabling her to study to work I assume in her chosen profession, and be independent which is a luxury many young people will never have. She needs to understand that.

Some people weren't very well off but their child did get grants and bursaries and loan and whatever...

Staggering ignorance of the system here. Grants and bursaries are by no means the norm. What does 'whatever' mean?