DD's uni costs

[WarriorWalrus]

DD1 is 17, 18 at the start of August. DH and I can't agree on what costs we should be covering while she is at uni and what she should budget for herself.
Due to our income DD only qualifies for the most basic maintenance loan. We have savings for her, so it won't be out of our monthly income (though I intend to keep putting money into her savings while she is at uni). Her grandparents have offered to pay for her accommodation (£350 a week).
So far we haven't figure out how much her monthly allowance from us will be, but we disagree on what this should cover. DH thinks the amount we set should cover everything, food, clothes, socialising, club fees, holidays etc.
I think food, socialising and day to day clothes sure, but she plans to join one of the sports teams so I think we should pay for the initial registration cost and kit costs, allow her to use money from the savings for travel, she currently gets private coaching in her sport, I think we should pay for this to continue at uni (I know she wants it to) and step in with extra money for more expensive clothes for events or such.
We don't want her to and she doesn't intend to get a job (Uni, Socialising, Sport and extra work to help future career should take up most of her time). But we do want to teach her to budget.
AIBU to think the additional things should be covered by us, anyone with Uni aged kids got a rough idea of how much she will need monthly?

I can well believe the halls costs. I was paying £150 a week 20 years ago.

I do think you’re setting your DD up to really struggle when you presumably eventually stop funding her. You can do sport, get a first and work. I went to Oxford and the LSE, played two sports, competing regionally and internationally, spent plenty of time in the pub and worked. My parents provided a fairly minimal allowance to cover food and anything else was for me to figure out. If she wants to go into anything politics related (my degree as well), she needs to start going for internships while she’s at uni. Summers should be spent doing this as well. It’s great she wants to play tennis but at some point she needs to choose…

My mum is a journalist, the pay is crap. Fortunately she married my dad who earned plenty but at 30 I was out earning my mum at the end of her career. She was successful - Editor of a big city newspaper and various magazines. The pay is just garbage.

I got lucky with accommodation and jobs during uni (I babysat for very wealthy families so was earning £14/hour while the kids slept and I did my uni work) and I don’t think it helped me adjust post uni - I never lived like a student and while I lived within my means, I have often wished my budget was tighter because lifestyle expectations only grow and it can be hard to go backwards. When you’re a student and everyone else is pinching Pennies, it’s easier to deal with a cheap lifestyle, when she’s getting paid £18k a year at a London think tank in her 20s and commuting from zone 6, living in a house share, it is easy to get very discouraged, especially when mates may be working in the city etc.

Why not just pay whatever it costs for the year and, at the end of the year, work out how much she has spent and divide it by 3 terms? Give it to her as a lump sum and see how she does after Term 1.

I agree you’ve been very polite Op and I’ve found it useful.
There’s clearly a lot of parents in the dc only qualifying for min maintenance loan camp (household income £60,000 plus when parents are in 40s or 50s isn’t uncommon) and it’s not really spoken about.
Paying for accommodation and dc living on minimum maintenance loan seems to be quite a common option.
We are in an affluent area up north and lots of parents are limiting dc to northern universities/Oxbridge due to accommodation costs.

We paid for my son's accommodation, then he had to budget out of his maintenance loan (lowest one £4200 ish per year,). He then did some work in the (long) holidays to top up spending money. He managed fine - joined a gym and went out plenty. I don't see why you need your daughter to have thousands of pounds spending money. She doesn't have to be a princess with more money than all her friends....

Wow...We don't want her to and she doesn't intend to get a job! That's not really teaching a young person about budgeting.
I had a bit of money left to me by my parents so I'm lucky enough to be able to pay my daughter's rent. She got a part time job at the local butchers in her Uni City and she lives on that plus Xmas and Birthday money. I also send her an Iceland delivery every 3 weeks. Luckily, she's well liked at work so the manager is keeping the job for her over the holidays.
You sound so wealthy, I don't know why you're asking.

https://www.finder.com/uk/student-spending-statistics#:~:text=Unsurprisingly%2C%20rent%20(%C2%A3641%20per,and%20transport%20(%C2%A334).

I'd look at what students spend their money on and work though a rough budget with her or ask her what her budget is and what she is planning to spend where and what level of support from you she needs.

I'd also suggest maybe setting some money aside for last year of degree - where working and studying may be a lot harder - it depends on the course but between huge project and exams there was little time for any doing our course but eating and sleeping.

I did then get in further debt with MSc and then further debt starting first proper job - one and half month rent needed up front and travel and clothes etc - so even if you are comfortable with money maybe think about setting it aside for possible later hurdles.

Our DD is about to go into 2nd year, she only got the lowest maintaince grant due to our earnings. We pay her rent as her grant didn't cover it and she does the rest.

Our dd has find it near imposible to find a job in the first year and has gone to agency to find work. There appears to be limited number of jobs available.

I've not read all the replies but l really don't think you realise how privileged your daughter is. My son went to uni on a loan and I bailed him out a few times with food, paying off overdrafts, house deposits etc...because it was all i cpuld afford. He worked casually as a bin man. He certainly didnt have the luxury of travellingnor saving.
However thsts me. I think rent is the biggest cost and grandparents are covering this. If she has some sort of loan, however small, i don't think you should be expected to pay for food let alone social and sporting activities however if you want to and you can then go go for it but ensure she understands the value of money and won't find it too much of a shock when she has to fend for herself...unless of course you're in a pisition to buy her a home!

I wish her well and that she enjoys university.

But I sincerely hope that by the time she graduates, future employers look at her CV and life of privilege/social media feed, and select the person who really needs a break.

You will always not just bail her out but will also feather her bed.

I'd have so much more respect for the kid who has been carer to his mum, worked in McDonald's on night shift, done something 'kind' to help others such as meals on wheels etc... All this talk of 'burnt out' and holidays is just privileged nonsense.

The same with tennis as a pro career. If she were THAT good, she would have long ago been taken under the wing of the tennis gods at Roehampton like Katie Boulter was. Lottery money means the cream are plucked from the tree at 13 these days in many sports.

I'm sad to see how anyone who doesn't like the pathway you choose is called 'bitter' or jealous. I think they are just sick of the BS from the rich and the unfairness of life from the day you are born facilitated by money and family contacts often trumping talent and hard work☹️

Surely the decent thing to do is work out what the poorest student would get through loans etc and make your daughter's money up to that. So what you give her and what she gets via the loan comes to the same as the poorest student would get. I don't see why she should suffer because you guys have money. But then your job is done. She will be in the same position as most other students. We also paid for his gym membership and his phone, but no reason why you should I guess.

I don’t understand this comment - why should OP’s daughter live like the poorest students when her parents and grandparents are willing and can afford to make the experience more pleasant?

Do you say the same to parents helping their children with a house deposit: “give them nothing as that’s how much help the poorest people get”?

The maintenance loan is used for rent, which I top up. On top of that I give £60 per week term time only, and I will pay for additional things at the beginning of term such as sports membership, any specific sports kit needed and phone etc. she works in the holidays to save for additional term time spending.

there are people with a lot more than her, and people with less.

Whilst being seriously into sport could be seen as a good thing it would normally be at the cost of a social life, not a job. If you're adamant she won't be working that's fine, if she wants knew sports kit etc she can request it for birthday/Christmas.
She has no utility bills or rent. She just needs to feed herself. £500pcm is a lot for a single person. If she was unemployed she'd get about £80 a week and have to pay utilities and food from that.
I don't know grandparents situation but I would expect parents to pay the bulk of costs.
I think you've picked the wrong place to ask these questions. Speak to her friends parents or your own friends...anyone really who mixes in your circles. There are families of four who have nowhere near £500pcm after rent and utilities. Not one poor lone parent on universal credit but many many working families with rent/mortgages.

DS leaves for uni in September. He's taken out £27,000 loan to cover his fees.
DH and I are paying £9,500 a year to cover the cost of the halls - (this includes one evening meal a day)
DS has budgeted he'll need another £400 a month or £3600 a year for all other food, socialising, travel, books etc and has worked since he finished his exams in June to achieve a good chunk of that. He hoping to work until September and then a couple of weeks at Easter and Christmas when he comes home so he wont have to get a term time job.

10 years ago my husband paid our sons' rent. I covered phone bills; Grandparents gave them £100 a month for fun money. We also provided basic kitchen equipment and bedding and towels and did a first shop with them for cleaning supplies, toilet rolls and food.
Everything else they paid from their maintenance loan which included sports subs, kit and equipment (other than birthday and Christmas presents).
I can understand you paying for additional sports coaching if she wants to continue and maybe a small monthly allowance. I'd get her to budget and cook for the family for a week before she goes. We did this and I think it helped, although they had been taught to look for offers in the supermarket from an early age!

I think the poster means that they will get the equivalent of a full loan so they aren't effectively penalised because of the parents’ income. We did that as did my parents when I went to university. Might need to add a bit extra now as I suspect a full loan won't be enough in London or many other areas.

You will find I have called no one bitter or jealous, all I have suggested is there are evidence of some prejudices.

You have no idea what standard of tennis DD plays, or what opportunities she has had, taken or refused.
We don't live in the South East so some options weren't available to us, however DD has attended many intensive training courses both national and international competitions where she has competed well. I will take the word of her highly qualified coach on the pro front, and he believes it absolutely possible in doubles and if she wants it enough, pushes everything else aside etc. potential in Singles. That is from someone who knows DD and is well qualified.

I think it is quite unfair to say DD won't deserve a job when graduating as much as someone with less fortunate circumstances. What incentive is there to give your children good childhoods if they will only be penalised for it later !!

What incentive is there to give your children good childhoods if they will only be penalised for it later !!

To be fair, I think it’s less about penalising people who start life with advantage than giving those whose background is less privileged a level playing field.

Unfortunately that is not the sentiment shared by all posters here. Some have specifically said they hope she doesn't get jobs after graduating which is just plain cruel!!

What incentive is there to give your children good childhoods if they will only be penalised for it later !!

Good childhoods are not about the things that money can buy.

It's not about penalising wealthy kids, it's about ensuring that others get opportunities too.

Next time someone asks why teachers are striking:

it’s because this one with over twenty years of experience has just learned she has significantly less disposable income than a student.

I think saying they hope DD doesn't get jobs such they hope she is penalised.

Your daughter can’t help having the background she has and tbh, is very lucky to have parents who are comfortable and care deeply about her. But a little grit in her oyster won’t harm her and she may discover qualities in herself that she likes. She may feel proud of being able to budget on a more modest amount and to feel she’s contributing instead of mummy fix it all the time . If I were you, I would tell her how much you’re giving her and then let her work out her budget herself. If she has to choose priorities, it will help her focus on what she actually wants, not what others think she should choose.

I think saying they hope DD doesn't get jobs such they hope she is penalised

I'm not aware that anyone has said they hope she doesn't get jobs, just that her lack of work experience will be held against her.

But just because you're privileged doesn't mean you're entitled to a job! She's had every opportunity in life so far, by the sound of it, because you have been able to buy it for her. Once she's in the job market, that won't apply any more. And quite right too.