DD's uni costs

[WarriorWalrus]

DD1 is 17, 18 at the start of August. DH and I can't agree on what costs we should be covering while she is at uni and what she should budget for herself.
Due to our income DD only qualifies for the most basic maintenance loan. We have savings for her, so it won't be out of our monthly income (though I intend to keep putting money into her savings while she is at uni). Her grandparents have offered to pay for her accommodation (£350 a week).
So far we haven't figure out how much her monthly allowance from us will be, but we disagree on what this should cover. DH thinks the amount we set should cover everything, food, clothes, socialising, club fees, holidays etc.
I think food, socialising and day to day clothes sure, but she plans to join one of the sports teams so I think we should pay for the initial registration cost and kit costs, allow her to use money from the savings for travel, she currently gets private coaching in her sport, I think we should pay for this to continue at uni (I know she wants it to) and step in with extra money for more expensive clothes for events or such.
We don't want her to and she doesn't intend to get a job (Uni, Socialising, Sport and extra work to help future career should take up most of her time). But we do want to teach her to budget.
AIBU to think the additional things should be covered by us, anyone with Uni aged kids got a rough idea of how much she will need monthly?

This is Mumsnet, there seems to be resentment of young adults, especially those who's parents don't expect them to work and struggle through uni.

I think the word 'struggle' is used a lot on here and it's misleading. It's not about forcing student DCs to struggle, it's about making sure they learn to handle money wisely so they can survive on their own – as they will have to in a few short years. No one wants students to starve. But uni is the launchpad into adulthood, where things get a lot tougher. Better to develop life skills at uni, when you are only semi-independent, than when it's too late.

I would step in to prevent my DCs struggling. But I would expect university to be at least in part about learning how to look out for themselves. They're not going to do that if I cater to their every need.

Agree that if she sincerely wants to report/write/multimedia journalism, she should be doing it now. As a student I approached some publications and was given odds and ends of freelance work; the drudge jobs they didn't want to do, nothing glamorous. But it got me some clips and contacts that proved useful down the road. That was pre-digital era but now she should be blogging and building her 'brand' as a reporter.

For example, one young woman who was my intern for a year or so decided she was into motorsports; it's a hard beat to break into but she started publishing her own monthly electronic newsletter recapping her attendance at races in the UK, Europe and North America, promoting the newsletter via social media, and after an investment period she caught on and for some years now gets loads of freelance assignments from the most prestigious publications in those markets, and is invited to do things like "drive a lap in a Ferrari" or "road trip around the USA" at the expense of the publications, etc. - her website is so glamorous and interesting, and she makes a fortune. But she put 15 years of creativity and hard work into developing her brand. She also invests a lot into her "style" ie she always looks chic, polished, poised and upmarket, reflecting the audience for the publications that hire her.

You can't stand there and wait for someone to notice you and hire you.

Your daughter might be able to turn her tennis expertise into something like that. She's not locked into writing about tennis for life but it would develop a credential.

I think it’s completely personal what you cover for your daughter. My parents covered my tuition fees, so I got a job at the student union.
I am saving already for my children (they are only 3!) but if they choose to go to Uni and I still earn a good salary then I would cover rent, bills and tuition fees.

When DS went to Oxford we paid for halls and food when the accommodation wasn't catered, plus the mobile phone contracts. The minimum student loan was for everything else. We do the same for DD now. In addition, my parents give them about £100 a month. The reason is that we didn't want them ever to feel like poor relations.

I honestly don't know what your DS is spending the money on. My DC is at Oxford in halls, on the minimum loan. We give them £150 a month, term-time only, with nothing towards accommodation. They work in the holidays but can't work in termtime. I regularly ask if they are struggling for money and they always say they are fine. They have a great social life, new clothes (Vinted/second hand shops, but sometimes new) and don't feel any less satisfied and fulfilled than the wealthier students.

She sounds massively privlidged so getting a job would be really beneficial to her.

Just came on to say you've taken a lot of vitriol very graciously OP! Good luck to your daughter. I can see myself being in your shoes in a few years and it's so hard to know what to do for the best.

Just came on to say you've taken a lot of vitriol very graciously OP!

I agree with this even though I don't agree that the OP should give her DD so much money. A lesson to us all!

It's been a few years since I was at uni, but doing an Arts degree similar to History I had maybe 5 hours of actual classes/seminars a week, the rest of the week was mine to do sport/work/whatever. She's not going to get 'burnt out' by doing exactly as she pleases during her non-university hours. I think you've forgotten what it's like to be at uni tbh.

My parents paid for my tuition fees. My student loan paid for my halls.
My holiday work was for everything else.
I couldn’t work term time, my course required me to do uni stuff a lot of evenings and
weekends. So I worked in the holidays and saved up.

I think a lot of people have a lot of prejudices of what a young adult who grew up in a comfortable home will be like, and have made some sweeping judgments as to what DD is like. Obviously I know DD, and she is far from being a spoilt brat.
Just because she could have had a privileged childhood doesn't mean she is spoiled. We probably did more holidays (though this is more because both parents are teachers in leadership roles, long 4 week summer holidays wouldn't be possible for classroom teachers on salary front and non-teachers on the time front!!) Materially neither of our girls have been given a lot, DD1 will be getting tech for her birthday but before now they always hand hand me down laptops or phones etc. No designer clothes and certainly not just being handed whatever they want. DD1 has spent most of her life playing her sport or doing a handful of other hobbies, not lazing around being treated like a princess.
Peoples prejudices have been showing!!

If my kids go to uni, we will help towards cost of accommodation, food, and materials needed for their course.
No way will we be funding an adult child’s hobbies or social life, they can get a job to pay for that.
Also all of my employers since uni have paid far more attention to my employment history than my degree result.

We've just found out our DD1 will get the £4300 something a year which may cover accommodation, it may not.

We do not earn a huge amount, but just over the cusp of £65,000 between us so DD will only get the above.

She will get a job asap and we will give her a certain amount a month to live on. Not sure how much yet though. £150? £200?

Loads of jealous people here!

I would do the same in your shoes - I worked all time while studying (5 year BA+MA degree) and I will do all I can to make sure my daughter does not have to. I'd rather she concentrated on studies, internships or just enjoying student life. She is likely going to work for 45-50 years before she can retire, so no rush! :)

@WarriorWalrus - has your daughter looked at the Fast Stream civil service https://www.faststream.gov.uk/? It sounds like it would be something she's interested in. Might be worth her taking a look?

Thank you, I will send her this!

Holidays???? I didn't go on holiday at Uni.....

She needs to learn to budget and stand on her own two feet.

If I recall, My student loan covered my tuition fees plus accommodation (bills included), and left about £600 for the year. My parents gave me £100 / month. I got enough clothes and gifts through Christmas and birthday that I didn't need to buy many.

With very tight budgeting I could have survived on that, but chose to get a job as a nursing auxiliary so that I could afford some luxuries such as nights out and the odd takeaway.

Not that tired old chestnut again. It’s such a MN cliche.

Glad other people who know journalism are saying similar. I do know of someone who was a politics reporter and now does sport - having more than one interest is always good.

Journalism is NOT well paid though, much less well paid for most than e.g. head of a school.

I don't believe anyone is jealous (maybe some are but a minority), however their are definitely some prejudiced people.

There’s a lot of jealousy on this thread OP and I think you’ve come across really well despite some jibey comments.

Beat of luck to your daughter. Ours is a toddler but we’ll be exactly the same (and are building savings for this exact reason) in terms of encouraging sport and so she is less reliant on part time work like we both were when we went through uni.

like you say, what is the point in working so hard if not to make our children’s lives easier.

Loads of jealous people here!

The criticisms of a student being given so much money stem from the conviction that other things are more important that money. So they're hardly going to be jealous, are they @Epli ...

I also agree! A really interesting discussion!

£350 a WEEK?! For student digs?! Fucking hell!

DD was at International Halls overlooking Brunswick Gardens in 2020, and she's still studying forever in central London now, so I do know a bit about accommodation options in central London 350/week is wow. DD is on a 'demanding' course too, and she is still working (sort of) each summer, now staying in London year round.

We don't want her to and she doesn't intend to get a job
.... But we do want to teach her to budget.

imho, those things conflict. Kids do not learn to budget without some pressure that teaches them the value of money because it was hard-earned and clearly finite, or at least some portion of it was, such as a savings account (maybe, or maybe not, maybe this kid has an endless flow of new money into her savings).

The nub of OP's query seems to be about whether the DD should use some of her "savings" for " fun travel, expensive clothes for events" or whether OP & DH should also pay for those things, too. YES she should use some of her "savings" for those things, imho.

... just re-reading. The Savings do have an endless top up scheme in place. Wow, lucky kid. Hope she does you Proud.