DD's uni costs

[WarriorWalrus]

DD1 is 17, 18 at the start of August. DH and I can't agree on what costs we should be covering while she is at uni and what she should budget for herself.
Due to our income DD only qualifies for the most basic maintenance loan. We have savings for her, so it won't be out of our monthly income (though I intend to keep putting money into her savings while she is at uni). Her grandparents have offered to pay for her accommodation (£350 a week).
So far we haven't figure out how much her monthly allowance from us will be, but we disagree on what this should cover. DH thinks the amount we set should cover everything, food, clothes, socialising, club fees, holidays etc.
I think food, socialising and day to day clothes sure, but she plans to join one of the sports teams so I think we should pay for the initial registration cost and kit costs, allow her to use money from the savings for travel, she currently gets private coaching in her sport, I think we should pay for this to continue at uni (I know she wants it to) and step in with extra money for more expensive clothes for events or such.
We don't want her to and she doesn't intend to get a job (Uni, Socialising, Sport and extra work to help future career should take up most of her time). But we do want to teach her to budget.
AIBU to think the additional things should be covered by us, anyone with Uni aged kids got a rough idea of how much she will need monthly?

@sigfey I do agree as I did similarly, but I do know that a lot of them foundered rather (not all of them at all) a few years in. Perhaps not in finance though. The OP has me really thinking and honestly, thinking of the most successful of them still enjoying that life, receiving help with housing at a critical age is an almost universal theme amongst them. I guess it just took the pressure off (I mean wouldn't it just) so it wasn't all such a GRIND. If the OP had money to put into a LISA for her child, that would probably be more practical. And start a pension for her.

I feel there was a similar thread about a mum trying to get her dd into publishing and the dd was languishing a bit and making portfolios... it might be a helpful read for the OP.

OP you are clearly a very kind, thoughtful and supportive mum btw which is a blessing that I hope your DD recognises! I now feel bad that my previous post was a bit savage. Don't try and cushion the blows of life too much, struggling a little bit (emphasis on little bit) while young when peers are struggling too is fun and character building and bitter sweet and the source of many great memories of highs and lows. Most great art comes out of bumping along the bottom for a bit! Most students have good memories of sitting in a dive bar or on a friend's manky old sofa laughing about how awful life is.

The first series of Girls I always thought was quite accurate in many ways. The trailer is the sweet mom and dad cutting the daughter off at 24 financially.

I don’t know how anyone can have 3x7 healthy meals (plus snacks) a week for £25?

These threads are always so race-to-the-bottom. Just because someone’s child survives on instant noodles and toast, it doesn’t mean OP’s daughter has to. If she’s doing so much sport and training she’s going to need a protein-rich diet, for a start.

Have you tried asking her what she think's she'll need to spend money on, and how much that'll be? From what you've said about her, she actually sounds reasonably sensible (but maybe a little spoiled).

I'd say the £500 she's got left per month will be enough for her to feed herself, socialise, and treat herself occasionally.

You probably want to focus on setting her up well, then you can evaluate where she's at after the first chunk of uni (eg at reading week or xmas).
Get her to make a list of what she'll need before she goes to uni, and perhaps give her a budget for that, and take her shopping. (eg bedding, room accessories, crockery, cookware, some new clothes, a couple of decent pairs of shoes for walking everywhere, a warm and waterproof coat, a laptop, new stationary, a decent backpack, extension leads, maybe a set of plastic drawers, and any sports gear she doesn't have already).

Take her to do a big supermarket shop when you first drop her off, get a big bag of dried pasta, tins of soup, tins of tomatoes, big bag of rice, big pack of laundry detergent, the usual weekly shop bits, some chocolate, biscuits etc as nice treats and a big bottle of her favourite spirit.
Leave her with some money to cover any course books she needs (most will be freely available in the library), registration fees for the student union, any societies she wants to join, and her sports team fees.

Then say "see you when you come home for reading week. Let us know if you're really struggling for food and we'll do you an online shop."
Then once she's home, you can check in with how she is for money, if she's struggled, go through her bank statements together and see what she can cut out, or where she might genuinely need a hand.
Then do the same when she comes home for xmas, and easter, and summer.
If she's managed fine, you can then move some of the money you thought you'd be giving her into a savings account in her name, that she can have when she graduates. If she's not, then you can go through with her and create a budget, look at giving her an allowance, and her getting a job through the summer or part time if she hasn't already.

I have no idea about journalism courses and paid/unpaid internships but 2 of my boyfriends when younger were both economic/political journalists. One went to Cambridge, other not sure. Latter was on foreign desk at Times to start out, then worked for other publications and moved to USA and it’s not an easy career by any means. You’ve only got to look at the Daily Mail journos on their gossip pages who are presumably graduates in journalism but all the jobs on her field they’ll probably prefer on the job experience and as @TedMullins says most freelance journos have a day job as the rates are indeed dire. My Times journalist ex still works now.

I also used to work for a syndication agency which was mostly for photos (AN group) but we also bought and sold articles. A school friend was a 3am Mirror girl and another a Woman journo.

One young woman I know (a top 5/10 influencer) who went to a top boarding school, even she has accounts where she sells on her used clothes as she’s been privileged and realises that although her DM and DF have helped her out her career could be finite.

£150 a week on food for one person though? I spend that on my family of four! Genuinely not racing to the bottom here. I agree £25 is pretty low esp with current CoL rises; but £40 is more than workable.

We pay DD's rent and give her an additional £250 per month. She is living in a fairly cheap part of the UK, which helps. She doesn't have any maintenance loan, just the tuition fees loan. I pay for a basic mobile contract, and bought her a phone and laptop when she started uni.

When she is at home we obviously pay for her food and other bills, and if she is going out with us then we pay. If she is going out with her friends then she pays. I expect her to get a job in the summer, so don't pay her any allowance over the summer vacation. She's done bar work and some baby sitting, which fits in quite easily. I think it's important to learn to budget, which DD has done, even saving enough for a short trip to France with her friends last year.

My daughter just graduated! She did very well! She worked through summer holidays and saved up most! She's got a great job now! Let her work!

I know this isn't what you're asking but that accommodation is a ripoff!!! Oxford colleges charge literally half that (and it's a very expensive city too). If she's living on Oxford Street or around there the supermarkets are all tiny Tesco Metros etc and food costs will be high.

It sounds to me that you've decided to spend an incredibly hefty amount on her already so why not just cover everything too?

My sister lived in a huge ensuite room in a flatshare in very central London recently and paid considerably less than OP's daughter is paying.

So we paid DS rent (£180 pw - the third most expensive) He took out a maintenance loan of £2,500 each year. Worked one day a week. Worked all summer. Managed fine for books, going out and food. Graduated last year.

This sounds miserable, I’m sorry.

Going out as a student is not just sitting in Whetherspoons for most.

London is a fantastic city and the best club nights will have an entry fee. There’s tonnes of gigs and shows, and tickets are not cheap. Plus she won’t want to miss out on all the other great things to do in London (which cost money). £50 for a night out in London is on the inexpensive side - barely covers a cheap meal/takeaway, a couple of drinks, and entry into a club on a student night.

To eat healthily and sufficiently, you’d need to spend a lot more than £25/month on groceries as some are suggesting. A very sporty 19 year-old is going to need a nutritious protein-rich diet. This costs me £100+ a week and I’m petite and probably not as sporty as OP’s daughter!

You have no idea and neither does your DD re journalism!

Let me tell you right now, she won’t be able to pivot into sports journalism easily at all. A family friend whose dad owned a famous advertising agency and they all supported a London football wanted to be a sports journalist on that basis. You’d think with his dad’s contacts he’d be a shoe in for that career but apart from maybe one article on it he had to switch what he wrote about.

Basically if your DD wants to go pro at her sport or be a successful journalist then one will have to be dropped.

It’s nice of you to fund her uni life and for her grandparents to fund her living costs though.

Agreed with others who say uni hall life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’d suggest seeing as you’re so rich and all to invest in a flat for DD with 2 bedrooms like my SIL’s DP’s did when she graduated but her DB lived there whilst he studied in London. Landlords are selling off lots of flats in commutable areas local to me.

Her maintenance loan will only be £500 a month when divided up, I don't know how she would cover, sports, food, socialising etc. on that.

The sport sounds expensive so maybe you could cover that and then £500 will be more than enough for food and socialising. DS had about £100 per week left after paying for his self catered accommodation and has managed fine, bought a gym subscription out of it and had enough left over for a week abroad with his friends. He hasn't needed a job yet but may do next year when his rent will be higher.

I haven't thought too hard about the accommodation costs since grandparents are covering it. But having looked at the other Kings costs, £350 does seem a lot. Hopefully when I drop her off it's the nicest accommodation I've ever seen!

Pay her up to the top maintenance loan and let her decide how she uses it - she is an adult. People are complaining about snowflake generation and then keeping the rich ones tied to their parents pursestrings. A very poor system

OP, I’m with you, why should they struggle for the sake of struggling if they don’t have to. Be careful not to spoil her, but why shouldn’t she enjoy student life, if you can afford to support her and you want to, then do. I do! Believe me there are some seriously wealthy kids at uni who seriously splash-the cash. Each to their own.
You do you. Once she’s there trust me the other kids won’t care how much money she’s got or where it comes from, as long as she’s friendly and nice.

Honestly it irrates the hell out of me when people just reply with she should get a job or not parents problem.

It's parents higher income that prevents her getting the full amount that others would be getting. Of course it's their responsibility to help make this up.

You are right I know nothing about Journalism, DD does, She has never shown interest in sports journalism (more interested in Politics). I didn't know you cant pivot from one to the other. Just someone else suggested her sport could be a specialism.

If I was bringing in over 200k a year as you are as a family with 2 head teachers I would pay for my daughters fees and maintenance loan so she had no debts especially if GP are covering her accommodation. So what if others aren’t getting this nobody else needs to know her circumstances.

Most universities have very high end accommodation available but the majority is around £160-£180 in halls and generally less in a shared house. (That may not be so in London) She will have a sumptuous year 1 - but she’ll also be sharing, at that price, with some pretty wealthy people.

If she wants to be a journalist, I'm telling you now that without wanting to state the obvious a lot of her spare time should be spent on doing journalism stuff (rather than tennis, it sounds like she's less keen on this dream than you are).

So things like university radio station or newspaper/website if they have one, start a podcast, trying to get pieces in to local or national newspapers (probably won't succeed but sometimes they like publishing things from a student perspective, trying to get work experience with your local MP (if she hasn't already done this?) looking into internships, perhaps work experience or placement with a related organisation (not just media organisations but maybe think tanks or a political party or campaign group to see how things operate on the inside).

I also got the minimum maintenance loan and my parents supplemented with £250 per month (plus the odd food shop when they were dropping me off). My accommodation was just over £600 per month (including bills) and I also worked casually as a student ambassador and then more regularly in local businesses during the holidays. That was enough for me to live reasonably comfortably and save a little bit as well.

I absolutely recommend getting paid work. I used to recruit for entry-level roles that attracted graduates, and the candidates that had real work experience (even just at Tesco) were head and shoulders above the other candidates in terms of employability and maturity.

I'm a journalist and you certainly can pivot. I'm an expert in all sorts of random subjects now from having written about them for various mags, from equestrianism to forex! I am a horse rider myself so yes if you want to write about equestrianism (for example) it does help if you know what you're talking about! But other things I've written about I've literally learned about on the job.

It does always help if you've got useful contacts if you want to work for a massive brand like Vogue or go into broadcast journalism, of course. Tell your DD to mingle with the posh well-connected people!

I can understand why she’s wanting halls for yr1 for social experience and support.
Oxford is much cheaper for accommodation it’s one of it’s appeals.
If they only pay her up to level of maintenance loan and grandparents don’t pay accommodation she can’t afford the accommodation - max maintenance loan is £13,000 and her self catering accommodation is £14,000.
I’d definitely put grandparents contribution in monetary terms. Minimum Loan plus grandparents she’s getting £20,500 net a year. Plus whatever Op gives her.
I’d also look at salary calculators.
Even if Op only gives her a small amount and pays coaching DD’s income could be equivalent to £30,000 plus salary.
If she’s looking at a career that doesn’t pay well it may be a heck of a shock when she graduates.

I get why you would pay for sport, but you say you want to teach her to budget, if you're worrying whether she'll manage on £500 a month, your own budgeting skills could maybe do with some work. I am easily feed a family of three on that, if I fed one there would be ample leftover for clothes and socializing.

What about summer jobs?