To dread weekends with young kids?

[escapingthecity]

4yo and 1yo. I barely get to do anything I want to do at all at weekends. For example:

• kids up around 6 like every other day of the week so no chance to have a lie in or catch up on sleep
• breakfast the usual bunfight so time to enjoy a longer cup of tea or read the paper as I used to
• spend the whole church service in Sunday school rather than in the service participating in worship
• visit playgrounds and parks rather than the galleries and museums I love
• 1yo won't settle in the evening without me (still BF) so can't go out for dinner/to the cinema
• never get to enjoy mealtimes because always up and down sorting kids
• taking them swimming just splashing about, not the long lane swims I love to do

I long for the rare occasions when we manage to get them down for a tandem nap.

It's the bit about a child free life I miss most. I feel like I never get to choose what I would most like to do any more. It's always about the kids.

When does it get better?

Do you have a partner? If so it's easy and you need to set some time for you to go off by yourself. (Alternate lie ins, sat am you do something, sat pm.he does or whatever works time wise.) If not it is much harder. Ideally find a friend who will babysit for your and you swap kids (DH worked weekends so I used to swap with a friend, it did mean having 4 kids though!) Also break the BFing bedtime thing asap and get a babysitter in (we couldn't afford to hire one so again did swaps with friends).

It does get better as they get older, but in the meantime, there are a few things you could do to help :

Wean the 1 year old off bedtime BF. This will free up evenings a bit
Alternate weekend mornings with your partner and agree what time lie in ends.
Once a month (or whatever) you each get a Saturday to yourself and the other has the kids.
Mealtimes are just what they are with little ones but hopefully the other bits might ease off if you make a few changes.

All credit to you for breastfeeding so long, but an ‘easy win’ would be to stop.

Meaning you could go out in the evening. It’s the same reason I stopped - the baby being so reliant on you is hard.

Otherwise… yes it can be a bit of a slog. My DH was away a few weeks ago and I got a babysitter on Sunday afternoon for a few hours and went for a swim / sunbathed in the park / had lunch on my own.

10/10 would recommend.

Teach them how to use Netflix. That gives you your lie in back.

Museums and galleries - there must be some where you could take the kids? Or arty events? You need to invest a bit of time searching fb events.

Meals out - order in or cook something especially nice for you to have later.

It does get better. The preschool years are cute but boring.

That does sound horrific but only because it reminded me of how things used to be.

Mine are 13, 11 and 8. I have so much time to myself again these days and really cherish lazy mornings at the weekend drinking tea etc (they all love a lie in).

Sorry not especially helpful but I didn’t find young kid’s fun either. Life is loads better now.

I know I need to night wean her but I don't really know where to start.
They make so much noise when they wake up that both of us wake up and I find it impossible to get back to sleep again.
4yo is a handful so being 1 on 2 with them is very hard work.
Unfortunately we moved to a new city a few months ago so haven't built the network yet of people who we can alternate play dates etc with to throw them out of the house occasionally.

If you have a partner, then they definitely need to step up!
You can still go swimming.
You can alternate Sunday School and lie ins.

Get a babysitter too and sleep train your youngest and you can still go out in the evenings.

Playgrounds are going to feature in your weekends for the next few years though, sorry!

@escapingthecity will she drink out of a bottle?

I went cold Turkey - left the house, no option but the bottle.

Took a while for them to be convinced, but succeeded eventually.

Honestly it's fine to complain and a rant now and again does the soul good but most of the things on your list shouldn't have come as a shock to you after having your first. If you need help with night weaning contact your hv, look up multiple resources on the Internet speak to friends, join a breastfeeding forum. Basically take the bull by the horns and change what you can.

I have a 5 and 1 year old. I really love our weekends, I used to love long days in galleries and museums but just accepted it's not my life for now. We take the dcs out to them but spend most of our time in the interactive fun bits and they whizz through any detailed exhibitions so not worth it if we have to pay. But there's a lot of lovely cultural stuff we do with them, various orchestras do concerts for under 5s, some immersive exhibitions can be engaging for them, we go to loads of kids theatre and we're also happy to take them to playgrounds. I haven't been out in the evening since dc1 was born - breastfed for 3+ years and still bfing the youngest now. But I'd just rather stay in putting them to bed tbh - I value that time with them and it'll be gone soon.

There will be a time when they'll be more independent and I will get my life back a bit more (I'll be working p/t when youngest goes to preschool so I'll use my days off for me time), so I think for now we enjoy our family time together. If we had wanted loads of lie ins and spending whole weekends looking at exhibitions in detail then we would have stuck with our child free life, or at least just stopped at one so we would get back to it earlier.

I clicked this thread ready to say yanbu but actually I think you're being quite self-centred and need to change your mindset.

@RumAndReisling has always refused a bottle, or we'd have done it by now.
@Sceptre86 it was much easier with one. We'd alternate much more, and he took a bottle and slept through the night from 9mo. Both of us find it really hard being on our own with the two of them as they are both very demanding so I think we are reluctant to go out more as we know that the one left behind will have a very difficult and exhausting time.

I thought you were a single parent from your OP.

Why isn't their father doing more? Does he have one of those Big Important Jobs? Or is it a Top Secret Hobby?

Either way, it shouldn't always be you sorting breakfast/Sunday School/kiddy wrangling. He can look after them whilst you go to a museum or gallery surely?

@hariko we do do the kids exhibitions and museums and theatre but I can feel what used to be an important part of my self withering without the nourishment of new and beautiful art and culture. Most kids theatre is pretty shit tbh, and whilst there's some pleasure in seeing them love it, I usually just switch my brain off and daydream through it. Sunday school is tedious and usually crowd control. I am so busy and also so bored.

I have a 4 and 2 year old and the eldest is autistic. So I know what a handful two can be. However if you split a day with your husband so you have them alone for 4 hours while he gets 4 hours to himself and then you swap, it’s worth it. Yes it’s harder looking after them both together but it’s not twice as hard as when you and DH are doing it together. And then the 4 hours you get off are totally worth it.

Also yes they can be a handful alone but you need to get used to it, to put it bluntly. There’s still a few tough years before they can become more self sufficient. Childminders manage 3 or 4 toddlers alone every day. Single parents look after multiple kids alone. It’s hard but not impossible. And if you don’t do it then you won’t get to do any of the things you’re currently missing. Whereas if you bite the bullet and just look after them alone for a few hours a week, then you will get your turn and you can do your swimming/lie ins/museums whatever.

Buy them iPads and give them one each in the mornings go back to sleep.

Seriously though this is just the life of young kids, they don't stay little for long. You'll soon have your mornings back reading the papers Z

Yes this, surely people understand before having kids that it's a complete change of pace and life changer.

Mine are now 7 & 12, it's only really now I get time to do what I want occasionally on the weekends.

The Sunday school.. is that for kids or your worship? In our church in the service there is a kids area with toys and other children so I can distract her a bit.

I normally grab grandparents once in a while to pop over and entertain her so I can have a nap. Occasionally my partner will help out but COL crisis and all that he spends any spare time doing overtime.

This might sound crazy but can you hire a babysitter for a couple hours inbetween feeds? Just for a bit of unwinding and regrouping. You might feel differently if you can switch off and reset. Everyone needs a moment to gather themselves.

Both of us find it really hard being on our own with the two of them as they are both very demanding

They aren't demanding. They are just young children. I see so many posts these days about parents being unable to cope with more than one child on their own and have to admit to find it baffling but then again I'm a single parent to 3 young children around the age of your 2.

You kind of have to right off things you want to do and enjoy when you go into having children - maybe for just a few years if you are lucky and have a hobby they enjoy or much longer if you have to wait until they can be left alone if it's things they are likely to find...boring....like church services and galleries and museums and lane swimming 😳

Well, what exactly did you imagine when you decided to have children?
Yes, YABU.

It gets so much better when they go to school/nursery. Especially if you get a bit of time off in the week and don’t have to spend their school hours working. X

or when you get some support from
someone so you can book in some gallery visits etc x

Also is there hobbies you can do together? Make them kid friendly?

Like I play piano to unwind.. I bought a toddler one so while I play a piece she kicks out her tunes on a baby one..

Or art? You paint, children do messy play?

Going out you say museums? The museums around here have sections for children and interactive stations?

Mine are 15 and I have to work reasonably hard at times to get them to spend time with DH & I so it definitely changes!

Once they are school age it is easier to get a better balance and some more me time.

I know I need to night wean her but I don't really know where to start.

Is she just 1 or nearer 2? I explained with both DC what was happening when I weaned them. DS1 was super upset but DS2 was surprisingly fine with it. Have you tried those cheap tommee tippy sippy cups they use in nurseries, I've found them really good.

With church - ours doesn't always have the sunday school running so on those weeks I bring colouring pencils and paper for the eldest and board books for my youngest (and I occasionally sneak the youngest a snack)

Split one day at the weekend with your partner and each have half a day to yourself, the other day spend as a family. The rest is just a short term compromise until they are a bit older. For example you miss going out for dinner, then schedule in a nice brunch or lunch.

I have three and still BF the youngest and weekends are tiring but I think sometimes you need to focus on what you are doing rather than what you are missing. I love a relaxing breakfast but I'm taking one DC to football along with a wriggly baby. If I get the littlest to nap while the older one is playing football and I can enjoy reading and a coffee then it's a win.