To dread weekends with young kids?

[escapingthecity]

4yo and 1yo. I barely get to do anything I want to do at all at weekends. For example:

• kids up around 6 like every other day of the week so no chance to have a lie in or catch up on sleep
• breakfast the usual bunfight so time to enjoy a longer cup of tea or read the paper as I used to
• spend the whole church service in Sunday school rather than in the service participating in worship
• visit playgrounds and parks rather than the galleries and museums I love
• 1yo won't settle in the evening without me (still BF) so can't go out for dinner/to the cinema
• never get to enjoy mealtimes because always up and down sorting kids
• taking them swimming just splashing about, not the long lane swims I love to do

I long for the rare occasions when we manage to get them down for a tandem nap.

It's the bit about a child free life I miss most. I feel like I never get to choose what I would most like to do any more. It's always about the kids.

When does it get better?

Great tip!

Husband does Saturday and you do Sunday or vice versa. Yes, kids are 24/7 work but I assume you expected that.

I know, superior parent. Problem is he won’t wear reins and shoving him in a pushchair where he can’t see anything but I can look might mean I have a fun afternoon if I can drown out the twisting and screaming (I bet you’ll suggest nose cancelling headphones now) but not much fun for him. Still, he’ll learn this way, won’t he?

@Screamingabdabz, exactly this!! I have a friend who does not have children. She once asked my why mine were so well behaved out in public compared to others, and I said they have learned to be bored. I have mostly carried on doing what I want and they come with me. For example, nail appointment, they sit next to me and colour. Fitness class, they sit at the side and play on the tablet. I do plenty of things they enjoy, but it's not all about them.
It wouldn't do them any harm for you all to sit together in the church service once in a while.

DH and I always split the weekend lie ins when the DC were small. Other parent gets til 9am ish to sleep in or just relax in peace.

We’d also take a few hours each over the weekend to do something alone. The other one just has to manage with both kids, it’s a trip to the park, not the entire weekend, so that few hours might be a bit intense juggling them both, but it’s worth it for the alone time later!

My kids are 8 and nearly 6 now and it’s so much easier. The watch tv on a morning so we can both lie in til 8am ish usually on a weekend, and taking 2 somewhere isn’t much more work than taking 1. I’d say once the youngest was about 3 it got a lot easier.

Thank goodness there are so many parents with common sense.

And you chose to have kids why?

I chose to have kids because I wanted a family: I still do.

But 1-3 is relentless as hell!

There are some really helpful comments on this thread and also a number of very unhelpful and unkind people. Please ignore the latter OP. You are at the absolute coal-face currently and it’s bloody hard getting no rest or recuperation, particularly if you work all week with no downtime to look forward to. It’s important, vital in fact to get some time
for yourself. IT IS NOT SELF CENTRED TO NEED THIS - you cannot pour from an empty cup.

My DC are 6 and 4 now and it is absolutely getting easier. There is hope. In the meantime:

• Tagteam. Carve out a proper break at the weekend of at least two hours to do something without the DC. Swimming, going to an art gallery, just walking and listening to an audiobook. Be completely off duty during this time - your DH can then have the same. Take turns to do Sunday school/ stay in the service on alternate weeks

• If you have the budget then consider getting a babysitter for a few hours each weekend - maybe just to take the kids out to the park / play with them whilst you have a rest. Consider also a gym with kids clubs and a crèche. The David Lloyd has been totally life changing for us - appreciate we are very lucky to be able to afford it. It’s such an expensive time I know , but it’s also the hardest in terms of energy and mental health so if you have funds then it is not a waste to use them for this.

• Find activities they enjoy and which allow opportunities for a little chill/ joy for you. Trampolining was a win for us, also softplay. If it adds stress then don’t do it.

• Cut out any extra burdens to maximise whatever rest is possible. Buy ready meals, get a meal deal instead of packing a picnic. It’s not forever and if you get ten mins with a coffee and the paper instead of making sandwiches, it will be a boost

• Relax on screen time for your 4 year old. We work to ‘busy, active morning’ then a film afternoon whilst the mini one naps. You then get that afternoon break. Then baking, crafts etc once the little one wakes

Good luck OP X

@EmmaOvary thank you. I'm having one of those days where it's just all a bit much and I want to not speak to anyone and not have anyone asking me for a drink/a bottom wipe/a toy/a snack etc etc etc

@LouLou198 we do frequently all go to church together as Sunday school isn't every week. The kids are great for about 40 mins, but then they get bored and the 4yo in particular starts acting up. We walk there which takes 40 mins partly to exercise him beforehand, but even so

@EastEndQueen thank you. We tend to do telly in the evening as it does help them chill out (that's what they're doing now while I sit on the kitchen floor while pretending to tidy up tea)

@RidingMyBike genius tip, thank you, will do that

@YukoandHiro that's exactly it. It's work and it's being a mum, and that's my life. I knew having kids would change my life but I didn't know how relentless it would be.

I have exactly the same age children and whilst I completely understand what you are meaning I don't get why you can't go for a swim, have a long cup of tea whilst the other takes them to the park or a night out tbh! I also bf too I don't bother giving a bottle my DS has a good dinner then oat milk from a sippy cup if I'm not here for bedtime feed.

I know you say it's because it's exhausting having both solo but that's why it's done for an hour or two then you swap a different day so you both get to do some adult things.

exactly. YAB completely U frankly.

I feel like I never get to choose what I would most like to do any more. It's always about the kids.
of course it's always about the kids, what else could it be.

You need to plan things AROUND the kids, not try to replicate a child-free life.
A 4 year old is more than old enough to entertain themselves while you do something else in the same room.

A 1 year old need more supervision, but you can still sit down for a coffee and let them play.

No one is stopping you from going to museums, why can't you take the kids, but yes, you need to plan it around them.

Just don’t have another!

of course it's always about the kids, what else could it be

it should be able the kids SOME of the time but SOME of the time of course you should prioritise yourself and do what you want

It’s ok to find it relentless. It is. It’s ok to not have had any idea just how relentless it would be beforehand. Nobody does, really. Far too much sanctimoniousness on this thread. Solidarity, OP, I’m having one of those days too. X

no, you don't "prioritise" yourself, you plan things around your family. You don't have to be a martyr, but when you decide to have kids, you can't expect to get them out of the way and out of your mind to do what you want.

You plan childcare, you book things to keep them happy so your own life is easy, but you don't have hours when it's all about mummy and her me-time and her kids are not her problem anymore.

What a sad way to live. Sometimes of course you should prioritise yourself. You don’t stop being a person when you become a parent.

sometimes it’s absolutely fine to tell your partner you need time to yourself and to do what you want, rather than doing what children want absolutely all the time

Pretty good way to raise spoilt children as well tbh

I have just the one 4yo and I do genuinely enjoy weekends again now. I guess you are back in the thick of it with a 1 yo and to be honest this was part of the reason I decided to only have one child.

I do get that "Friday night feeling" again now. I don't mind early mornings, I'm used to them. I buy delicious coffee so I have something to look forward to. My DD generally will occupy herself well straight after breakfast so me and her Dad linger more over the breakfast table while she plays in the next room.
This Saturday we did swimming lesson followed by picnic lunch with our friends and their children. I went for a solo walk in the afternoon while Dad took over. DP went for his exercise when I got back. In the evening she went to bed around 7pm and we watched a film.

Sunday we did chores in the morning while DD played. My friend came over for lunch and we all went on a walk. I chatted in garden with friend with coffee while DD ran about and amused herself. I went for a run in the afternoon. Tonight we have a babysitter and DP and I going out for dinner.

I feel like I have the balance back that I was missing in the baby years.

I think you need to grit your teeth a bit when you’re in the trenches. Yes 2 on your own is more tiresome than 2 between 2 but if you both do a stint it completely frees up the other to have some proper time to themselves. Once per weekend, a few hours of an afternoon, this is what you need to be doing if you feel like you’ve lost yourself.
switch each weekend so the other person gets the time alone.
It does get better when they sleep in a bit.
Night wean the breastfeeding one.
just stay in bed, the other parent can pick up the slack. Then switch the next weekend. Even if you’re not asleep, so what, you can just lie down all on your own for a bit.
there are some really quick easy wins here but I think you’re in too deep to see them!

Well said 👏

It wasn't until I weaned my children off breast milk that I had proper evenings. I just managed to wean my son now at 2.1 because I'm pregnant and I'm exhausted.

It was hard work but I started rubbing paprika on my nipple and he started going "yucky"
Did bring me baby wipes to clean hahaha but after the third day.. stopped asking. I had one night he cried and mimicked sucking the breast but I had some pepper on hand!

The night after he slept through! Just like my daughter did so now from 7pm I get my evenings back and it helps loads! Get a babysitter and have the evenings for yourself! Something for you to look forward to!

I have a 5 and 2 year old so I know what you're going through x