Would you find this offensive? *Trigger Warning*

[ItsBritneyBitchhhh]

I’ll try to not be too outing but I’d like to hear other peoples opinion.

I was out for a meal with a group of people (we’ve all known each other for 10/15 years and some are closer than others in the group).

Someone that a few of the people in the group knew recently had a baby. My friend showed a picture of the baby around the table and one person on the table commented and said ‘the baby looks Down syndrome-ee.’

I wasn’t involved in the conversation as I was too busy sending a quick Whatsapp message to someone but I heard the comment being made in the background. As soon as I heard it I instantly got really heated and felt quite angry. I eventually went to the toilet and had a little cry (embarrassing I know).

For context, my 14 month has a rare genetic disorder and is missing the same chromosome that people with Down Syndrome have too much of. I’ve come across a lot of ableist comments since he’s been born but I was knocked backwards hearing that from someone within the group.

I’m also not particularly close to this person but I’m quite disappointed in myself for not saying at the time. I didn’t want to cause a scene but in hindsight, maybe that was a perfect reason to cause a scene.

I know I’m in the wrong for not challenging it but this isn’t okay is it? Peoples reactions were so normal it’s making me feel as if I’m in the wrong.

(please delete this post MN if it’s considered offensive)

Yes I would find it very offensive, and would go out of my way not to meet that person again

I would have found it very offensive and would hope I would challenge them (although might be a bit in shock that someone would say something so twattish!)

Was the parent of the child in the group? Regardless it was extremely rude and offensive.

That’s extremely offensive and I wouldn’t look to socialise with this person again. I’d also be disappointed if nobody at the table challenged them on such a disgusting comment.

Fucking weird thing to say! That deserved a sharpish “don’t be bloody stupid” at the very least!

It was offensive, you didn’t overreact.

If you have the strength I would tell them that you found it offensive and upsetting.

Very offensive. I have a child with disabilities and I would be very annoyed. I don’t know if I would have said anything though, just given them a glare and not socialised with them again.

Well it definitely is offensive. Though if I’m honest it’s something me and my oh or a couple of my very close friends might say to each other if we were thinking it. It’s not something I’d loudly announce to a table full of people I barely knew, in public, as a lot of people would find it very nasty. I wouldn’t have meant it in a nasty way as I don’t see Down’s syndrome as an insult. It was an observation that this person should have kept to themselves really.

Yes, it’s offensive. It’s also completely understandable that it upset you and your reaction was to retreat rather than challenge it.

It's an appalling thing to say. I don't know what goes through some peoples heads sometimes. You didn't overreact.

1. this is someone’s pride and joy
2. what’s wrong with Down’s syndrome
3. insulting people for thongs they did not have a say in is wrong

That’s an incredibly insensitive comment

Horribly offensive. And don't beat yourself up about not speaking up OP- It sounds like you've been through a lot, you don't have to always be ready to pounce on these horrible ableist comments. TBH whoever she was talking to should have called her out on it.

YADNBU X

I wouldn't find it offensive personally

The way in which it was said denotes an ignorant and rude person.

If they genuinely thought the baby had Downs Syndrome there is no need to comment on the the baby having it unless it was to say something positive such as 'What a lovely smile' just as you would about a baby that doesn't have Downs Syndrome.

I don't think you should have said anything at the time as you were clearly upset and emotional.

Now you are composed you can address the comment and point out to the person that what they said was bang out of order.

I wouldn't find it offensive either - what is offensive about the remark? It doesn't sound like they were derogatory about Down syndrome, unless they said other stuff that was negative?

Insensitive, rude, ableist, inappropriate, uncalled for.

That's not a nice thing for her to have said, and I'm so sorry you had to hear that. I bet your child is adorable and a delight, and this acquaintance/ friend is ignorant to the hurt and distress such comments actually make to people.

I hope the comment doesn't get back to the baby's parents either. Though if it did, it would serve the person right if they were ostracised for it.

Trying to think why this would be offensive - was it because of the 'ee' at the end, as opposed to saying the child looks like they have Down syndrome?

Are people on here saying looking Down’s syndrome is offensive?

Can you not at all think why people might find that comment rude? If you were shown a photo of a baby that clearly had Down’s syndrome would you say ‘oh you have a disabled baby’, or ‘ah isn’t he cute’ like a normal person would? If you were introduced to someone that you thought had some downs features would you say to them ‘you look a bit Down syndrome-ee’?

No, but telling people they look disabled whether they are or not is offensive

@Wodwo no its because it was obviously said in a mean way. Read the op. You are just being inflammatory