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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Terrible neighbours

195 replies

Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 09:55

I’m hoping for some advice. I moved into my terraced home six years ago and unfortunately on one side have unpleasant neighbours. They are a couple in their early 70’s, she literally never leaves the house/garden and they have CCTV all round the house. We are constantly watched. They have no friends. All other neighbours are lovely and have had the same problems with this particular couple for many years so the small comfort is that it isn’t just me they have a problem with.

However, I am the one directly beside them. They put a fence up in my garden (there is a dividing wall and they put it up on my side of it) and I had to go through solicitors to get it taken down. They then built the dividing wall to two metres and said I couldn’t plant any plants in my flower bed beside it - apparently plants would discolour it. My flowerbed is full of flowers in summer - really beautiful and I cut them all back in the winter. They know this. I’ve just gone out the morning and they have poisoned all my plants within half a metre of the wall. I’m so upset. I don’t know whether to ignore it or say something to them about it.

They are very malicious - they call the police if you engage with them at all. I’ve learnt to record every interaction on my phone so I can replay for the police as the couple lie about everything. The couple seem to thrive on arguing and fighting. I don’t. I haven’t engaged with them since last July when the fence was removed.

There is no way to discuss anything with them, they cannot see anyone else’s point of view. The neighbours who have lived here longer say this has gone on for 30 plus years. Solicitors have been involved with every neighbours interaction with this couple.

I have a primary age son who is scared of them. I can’t move. I love where I live and every other neighbour is fabulous.
I would love some advice about how to get through this. I do not want to put CCTV up.

OP posts:
Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 09:59

I am confused

how do you know they’ve poisoned your flowers?

and are you saying they came in to your garden and did this?

Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:00

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Evaka · 09/07/2023 10:00

That's horrible OP. I would be tempted to just ignore them. They clearly thrive on arguments and drama. I'm sorry about your plants but if you react, you'll always just be waiting for a response and what comes next. Best thing is for them to be treated as if they don't exist. It won't change them but it should diminish their power over you. There's nothing for your kid to fear. They're old and bonkers. Suggest you diminish their power over him too.

Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:01

On what grounds have they been to the police multiple times about you?

Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:02

They put a fence up in my garden (there is a dividing wall and they put it up on my side of it) and I had to go through solicitors to get it taken down.

weren’t you aware of them actually in your garden?

and why did you have to go to a solicitors given this was in your garden!

StrongTea · 09/07/2023 10:03

Get your own cameras up. Sounds a nightmare, assume they have sprayed weedkiller or something. Must be awful.

Kingsparkle · 09/07/2023 10:04

Calm down @Fillyourshoes! You can report the OP if you don’t believe it.

Sorry you are going through this OP. I would replant your flowers if you can afford to and just ignore them. They want a reaction, starve them of the attention.

ZekeZeke · 09/07/2023 10:05

Put your own cameras up.
I don't understand the fence thing, surly if they put a fence on your side it's on your property and you could just remove it, why the need for solicitors?

Ukholidaysaregreat · 09/07/2023 10:08

Fillyourshoes - are you the neighbour?

Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 10:11

Unfortunately because it was their fence and therefore their property, I wasn’t allowed to touch it and the only way to get it taken down was to go through solicitors.

OP posts:
Ukholidaysaregreat · 09/07/2023 10:12

I think it would be easy to poison plants you just throw poison over the fence. Also I came home from work one day to find the council had build a 2m garden dividing fence along my boundary without telling me so I can believe all this. OP it is awful having nasty neighbours. I would just not engage and do my best to ignore. They sound like they are the same with everybody so the police will know it's them, not you. I had an awful neighbour and they moved house so you could hope for that. Otherwise there is not much you can do. I would keep a record of all your issues though as you are doing. Then you have everything written down if you need to tell the police. Hope things improve.

Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:14

So

there was a wall dividing your gardens

then, on your side of the wall. They built a fence.

correct?

ZekeZeke · 09/07/2023 10:15

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Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:15

Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 10:11

Unfortunately because it was their fence and therefore their property, I wasn’t allowed to touch it and the only way to get it taken down was to go through solicitors.

If I have read your op correctly

they built a fence on your garden on your side of the existing boundary wall

Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:15

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Azandme · 09/07/2023 10:17

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Instead of firing multiple posts demanding explanations stop troll hunting and report if you don't believe the OP.

You aren't the Post Police. 🚓🙄

Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:19

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Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 10:20

Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:14

So

there was a wall dividing your gardens

then, on your side of the wall. They built a fence.

correct?

Correct

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 09/07/2023 10:21

Just put up a seven foot fence with a trellis on your side of the wall. Yes you'll lose some garden space but surely the privacy will be worth it?

Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 10:21

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This is what I was advised by the police and by solicitors. And it took a survey (not just the deeds) and two years to get it removed.

OP posts:
theresalwaysguineapigcurry · 09/07/2023 10:22

I get you OP it's awful. Just think of things from their perspective for just a minute. They can control everything in their home, he can control his wife if you think that's what's going on. They're very isolated. They can control everything except you. That's why they thrive on conflict because they are not used to these mini interactions and overcoming obstacles which you and I do every day. So they worry that you might do all sorts of things which you cannot control. The fence was a warning sign that they can pull back some of that control. And you thwarted that. Yes it's pathetic but they want you to rise to it so that they can get the upper hand and 'win'. My answer would be to not let them take up any part of your headspace.
Don't pander to them to try to make them like you.
Don't try to match them by getting CCTV.
Just live your life. Ignore them.
That will annoy them more than anything else.

SapphOhNo · 09/07/2023 10:23

Yes I'd just build a bigger fence / trellis block them out literally and figuratively

purpleme12 · 09/07/2023 10:24

If I understand it correctly, the dividing fence/wall is now 2 metres. So I believe OP does have privacy

Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 10:25

Ukholidaysaregreat · 09/07/2023 10:12

I think it would be easy to poison plants you just throw poison over the fence. Also I came home from work one day to find the council had build a 2m garden dividing fence along my boundary without telling me so I can believe all this. OP it is awful having nasty neighbours. I would just not engage and do my best to ignore. They sound like they are the same with everybody so the police will know it's them, not you. I had an awful neighbour and they moved house so you could hope for that. Otherwise there is not much you can do. I would keep a record of all your issues though as you are doing. Then you have everything written down if you need to tell the police. Hope things improve.

Thank you. It is awful. I know ignoring is the way to go.

OP posts:
Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:25

Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 10:20

Correct

So on your side of the wall

they entered your garden and erected a fence?

in your garden?

OP it was on your land. They had trespassed. You must have watched them in your garden putting it up?

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