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Original poster

Terrible neighbours

195 replies

Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 09:55

I’m hoping for some advice. I moved into my terraced home six years ago and unfortunately on one side have unpleasant neighbours. They are a couple in their early 70’s, she literally never leaves the house/garden and they have CCTV all round the house. We are constantly watched. They have no friends. All other neighbours are lovely and have had the same problems with this particular couple for many years so the small comfort is that it isn’t just me they have a problem with.

However, I am the one directly beside them. They put a fence up in my garden (there is a dividing wall and they put it up on my side of it) and I had to go through solicitors to get it taken down. They then built the dividing wall to two metres and said I couldn’t plant any plants in my flower bed beside it - apparently plants would discolour it. My flowerbed is full of flowers in summer - really beautiful and I cut them all back in the winter. They know this. I’ve just gone out the morning and they have poisoned all my plants within half a metre of the wall. I’m so upset. I don’t know whether to ignore it or say something to them about it.

They are very malicious - they call the police if you engage with them at all. I’ve learnt to record every interaction on my phone so I can replay for the police as the couple lie about everything. The couple seem to thrive on arguing and fighting. I don’t. I haven’t engaged with them since last July when the fence was removed.

There is no way to discuss anything with them, they cannot see anyone else’s point of view. The neighbours who have lived here longer say this has gone on for 30 plus years. Solicitors have been involved with every neighbours interaction with this couple.

I have a primary age son who is scared of them. I can’t move. I love where I live and every other neighbour is fabulous.
I would love some advice about how to get through this. I do not want to put CCTV up.

OP posts:
Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:26

They then built the dividing wall to two metres and said I couldn’t plant any plants in my flower bed beside it

is the new wall on your side?

Original poster
Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 10:30

theresalwaysguineapigcurry · 09/07/2023 10:22

I get you OP it's awful. Just think of things from their perspective for just a minute. They can control everything in their home, he can control his wife if you think that's what's going on. They're very isolated. They can control everything except you. That's why they thrive on conflict because they are not used to these mini interactions and overcoming obstacles which you and I do every day. So they worry that you might do all sorts of things which you cannot control. The fence was a warning sign that they can pull back some of that control. And you thwarted that. Yes it's pathetic but they want you to rise to it so that they can get the upper hand and 'win'. My answer would be to not let them take up any part of your headspace.
Don't pander to them to try to make them like you.
Don't try to match them by getting CCTV.
Just live your life. Ignore them.
That will annoy them more than anything else.

Thank you. This is great advice and what I’ve been trying to do for the last year. They do have issues. I used to feel sorry for them but then, out of the blue, they sent a letter to my work saying I wasn’t qualified to do my job! (My employer was brilliant, that’s another story). That’s when I cut contact and the fence became an issue. So what you’re saying about control is correct.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 10:30

Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:26

They then built the dividing wall to two metres and said I couldn’t plant any plants in my flower bed beside it

is the new wall on your side?

No - on top of the old dividing one.

OP posts:
OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne · 09/07/2023 10:32

I don't understand why you have noted that they have no friends and the woman never leaves the house?

How would you know this unless you have been taking an unhealthy interest in them?

I am always suspicious of the othering of people like your neighbours. They sound very isolated and anxious and perhaps some compassion would help the situation.

It also sounds like they believe the boundary is in the wrong place. Have you ever tried to talk to them about this?

Original poster
Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 10:32

Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 09:59

I am confused

how do you know they’ve poisoned your flowers?

and are you saying they came in to your garden and did this?

Because the plants are all dead within a half metre of the wall. The rest are in full bloom. They threatened to do this last summer when they built the wall.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 10:34

Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:25

So on your side of the wall

they entered your garden and erected a fence?

in your garden?

OP it was on your land. They had trespassed. You must have watched them in your garden putting it up?

Show quote history

I do leave my property sometimes 😂

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 09/07/2023 10:34

You don't have any animals do you OP ?
I'd be worried something "happens" to them , enough to make them illl but nit actually killl them .

Sunmachine · 09/07/2023 10:36

@OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne sounds like you’ve never had awful neighbours… be interesting to see if you feel the same if you’re ever in the same position… unfortunately some people are just arseholes no matter how compassionate you might be!

Kingsparkle · 09/07/2023 10:38

@Fillyourshoes - Why not go find a different thread eh? This one seems a little beyond your comprehension for some reason.

Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:38

Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 10:30

No - on top of the old dividing one.

Show quote history

So they made the existing boundary wall… higher?

MenopauseSucks · 09/07/2023 10:39

Like other PPs the fence bit intrigues me.

Did the fence appear when you were away on holiday or was it there when you bought the place?

Other than that, maybe a few cameras in your garden, record any dealings with the police (which you are doing) & ignore them. If you do have to communicate with them, do it via solicitors letter.

They'll die or need to go in a care home eventually - you just need to hang on in there.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/07/2023 10:40

Ukholidaysaregreat · 09/07/2023 10:08

Fillyourshoes - are you the neighbour?

Do people really still think this is a funny or clever response?

Original poster
Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 10:46

OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne · 09/07/2023 10:32

I don't understand why you have noted that they have no friends and the woman never leaves the house?

How would you know this unless you have been taking an unhealthy interest in them?

I am always suspicious of the othering of people like your neighbours. They sound very isolated and anxious and perhaps some compassion would help the situation.

It also sounds like they believe the boundary is in the wrong place. Have you ever tried to talk to them about this?

They know exactly where the boundary is. Putting the fence up in my garden meant part of my front window was covered.

I felt sorry for them until they became malicious towards me. I actively tried to befriend them when I moved in and they told me themselves they don’t have friends or speak to their families. Yes they are paranoid but are actively unpleasant so it is difficult to feel sorry for them.

I do not have an unhealthy interest - I simply cannot help but notice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 10:47

Fillyourshoes · 09/07/2023 10:38

So they made the existing boundary wall… higher?

Show quote history

Yes

OP posts:
WaitingForNothingGood · 09/07/2023 10:48

I would get a CCTV. What about putting up a fence on your side that is higher than their wall. You will loose a tiny bit of land but you could then do what you like to it. I'd make it as high as possible.

purpleme12 · 09/07/2023 10:48

Can't believe someone's said have some compassion, after what OP's said they've done 🤣

purpleme12 · 09/07/2023 10:51

OP says next door have made the fence 2 metres so OP can't make it higher than it is.
To be fair on this point surely they've done you a favour

FictionalCharacter · 09/07/2023 10:54

MenopauseSucks · 09/07/2023 10:39

Like other PPs the fence bit intrigues me.

Did the fence appear when you were away on holiday or was it there when you bought the place?

Other than that, maybe a few cameras in your garden, record any dealings with the police (which you are doing) & ignore them. If you do have to communicate with them, do it via solicitors letter.

They'll die or need to go in a care home eventually - you just need to hang on in there.

They're in their 70s. They could keep this up for 20 years!

@Lindsaycreate Ignore the troll hunters who can't grasp the concept of someone making an existing wall higher, building a fence your side of the wall, or trespassing. Your neighbours are nasty, obsessed people. I've had relatively minor problems with neighbours and that's bad enough, but yours are horrible and it would break my heart if someone destroyed my plants.

Hopefully now there is a high barrier between your gardens they'll lose interest in harassing you, but do keep notes and photos if they try anything else.

whowhatwerewhy · 09/07/2023 11:00

I would keep ignoring them . I would also put up a security camera that watches the fence , that way you can get proof of them killing your plants.

MenopauseSucks · 09/07/2023 11:02

@FictionalCharacter

I guess the anger & obsession could be spurring them on, giving them something to live for & they'll go on into a very ripe old age.

Or the vitriol will either drive them insane or eat away at them like canker does to a tree & they'll slip off this mortal coil sooner than fate intended...

For the OPs sake, I'm hoping it's the latter (sounds like they've hit the insanity part already).

loislovesstewie · 09/07/2023 11:04

I would put up a security camera too. Hopefully in a position where it wouldn't be noticed. There's always one neighbour wherever you live who thinks that they ,own the road , or can tell others what to do,or just doesn't want others doing perfectly reasonable things. Sadly they are next to you. Keep a log of anti social behaviour , if you have a PCSO wandering around speak to the. We have a very good PCSO who would deal with this sort of thing, and it does work.

NYE2023 · 09/07/2023 11:05

Why is everyone having a go at OP ? We actually had exactly the same fence thing happen to us years ago . Came home from being out for the day and our neighbours had taken down a low fence, erected a new six foot taking in about two foot of our garden so taking our shrubs on “their” side of the fence. What was more bonkers it only started part way down the garden . There are people out there who are mad enough to do this sadly and those doing the work don’t always question it either if they are being paid . What was surprising was up until that point we thought we had got on really well with them so it was very distressing . Of course we could just have taken that fence down but we really needed them to put the old fence back . We ended up having to resort to legal letters . For them they didn’t have a leg to stand on because the deeds of the house showed the clear boundary and location of trees being ours which they had incorporated into their garden. Never understood why they did that. They never spoke to us again . I hope you get it sorted out OP. They do sound like there are some deep seated issues there . If you moved in six years ago, did your sellers ever declare any issues or disputes with these neighbours ?

WhoWants2Know · 09/07/2023 11:06

If you can afford it, I think the idea of putting in your own fence on your side of the boundary wall is a good idea, as long as no part of it touches the wall. Then there can be no issue of anything touching or discolouring their wall. And add CCTV so if there is any further damage to plants, you can sue for criminal damage.

NYE2023 · 09/07/2023 11:07

Obviously when I say everyone - I don’t mean that literally - just the surprising number who are focused on questioning the OP!

Original poster
Lindsaycreate · 09/07/2023 11:08

MenopauseSucks · 09/07/2023 11:02

@FictionalCharacter

I guess the anger & obsession could be spurring them on, giving them something to live for & they'll go on into a very ripe old age.

Or the vitriol will either drive them insane or eat away at them like canker does to a tree & they'll slip off this mortal coil sooner than fate intended...

For the OPs sake, I'm hoping it's the latter (sounds like they've hit the insanity part already).

I suspect the anger and obsession are what they are thriving on 😂. Gallows humour has kept me sane, the darker the better. One of my other neighbours bought me some witches legs with sparkly red shoes to place against the base of the wall (I didn’t but maybe now is the time) and oddly ‘ding, dong, the witch is dead’ does frequently pop into my head while I’m gardening 😂

OP posts:
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