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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to not want DD to eat these lollies?

121 replies

WorriedAboutEntertaining · 09/07/2023 08:38

DD is 3.5 and her grandma keeps giving her these little lollies. I've asked her not to, as I have a horrible memory of my little brother choking on a lolly when he was 4 and my mum having to do the Heimlich manoeuvre on him.

DD's grandma also gives DD whole grapes, mini eggs and other things that really stress me out. I'm trying to be rational but my gut feeling is that I'd rather DD didn't have these things just yet - I still cut up grapes, for example.

Am I being irrational? Is DD old enough for these lollies? I think I might be letting my childhood memory cloud my judgement. DD's grandma thinks I'm being silly but she has been very cavalier with DD at times (leaving her alone on a changing table when she was a baby, DD rolled off; occasional things like that).

...to not want DD to eat these lollies?
OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 09/07/2023 08:40

God no you’re not being unreasonable! You need to have a strong word with her, that’s dangerous!

Singlikeyourebinning · 09/07/2023 08:40

You're not being irrational. I wouldn't let her look after her on her own.

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 09/07/2023 08:41

YANBU!

LampHat · 09/07/2023 08:41

YANBU. I still cut up grapes for my 8 year old and cringe when he eats those lollies.

Singlikeyourebinning · 09/07/2023 08:41

Not just because of the lollies - all of it!!

Sirzy · 09/07/2023 08:41

I hate lollies, I don’t understand why they are still a thing really.

seeinh children walking around with them in the mouth scares me.

Twattle · 09/07/2023 08:41

Hey they are really, really, bad for her teeth. My ds had to have 4 front teeth removed due to decay and we foolishly used to let him have lollies. I know it was those as the sucking on sugar affected the front.

His front teeth only grew in when he was 10. So he had his front teeth missing through most of primary school.

NuffSaidSam · 09/07/2023 08:42

I don't let kids eat those type of lollies.

The choking risk and the fact that they're terrible for their teeth and completely unnecessary is enough reason.

NuffSaidSam · 09/07/2023 08:44

With grapes I would be moving towards showing your DD how to eat them safely, but if not able to supervise then chopping them.

LolaSmiles · 09/07/2023 08:45

We don't allow them either and cut grapes well out of the weaning years too.

You're not being unreasonable at all about this. It's a safety issue.

Phos · 09/07/2023 08:45

At 3.5 I don't think you are BU. I let my 6 year old have these things/have stopped cutting up grapes but probably only done so within the last year or so.

backtobedforme · 09/07/2023 08:46

YANBU. My ds is12 and I still don't like her having these lollies.

LouLou198 · 09/07/2023 08:46

Not irrational at all, I hate these things. There's always one in party bags - they go straight in the bin. It's the perfect size to block a small child's airway. Awful for their teeth too. I still cut my 8 year olds grapes up! I think you can never be too careful.

MaryJean87 · 09/07/2023 08:46

Yanbu, I hate my kids having them.

CecilyP · 09/07/2023 08:47

YANBU. They are a choking hazard and really bad for teeth, just pure su. What age is she; how does she not know that? There are plenty of more suitable treats for 3 year olds. If you’ve told her and she persis, I’d be reluctant to leave her alone with grandma.

LouLou198 · 09/07/2023 08:47

Oh and I would stop grandma being alone with her - having her unsupervised on a changing table would have been it for me.

Original poster
WorriedAboutEntertaining · 09/07/2023 08:50

Okay, thank you, this gives me confidence to be a bit firmer.

I want DD to have a great relationship with her Grandma as I did with mine, but I find it difficult at times. Grandma doesn't seem to like coming to our house to see DD, she prefers to take her back to her own house, or away somewhere, so that we're not around. This would be fine, except we then don't hear anything from her - she doesn't answer messages or let us know what time they're coming back - one time she brought DD back at 8.30pm at night, without having had dinner, and having not responded to a "hi, hope you're having a lovely day, what time do you think you'll be back?" message so we had no idea what was happening. DD's bedtime is 7.30pm so she was overwrought from being tired and hungry.

It's so tricky Sad

OP posts:
bumblebee2235 · 09/07/2023 08:52

It's not just choking, as a kid my friend chipped her tooth biting and crunching on those lollipops :( she should respect your decisions especially when they are coming from a safety point of you.. it's really not that hard to just cut a grape in half for her to respect you.

bumblebee2235 · 09/07/2023 08:54

WorriedAboutEntertaining · 09/07/2023 08:50

Okay, thank you, this gives me confidence to be a bit firmer.

I want DD to have a great relationship with her Grandma as I did with mine, but I find it difficult at times. Grandma doesn't seem to like coming to our house to see DD, she prefers to take her back to her own house, or away somewhere, so that we're not around. This would be fine, except we then don't hear anything from her - she doesn't answer messages or let us know what time they're coming back - one time she brought DD back at 8.30pm at night, without having had dinner, and having not responded to a "hi, hope you're having a lovely day, what time do you think you'll be back?" message so we had no idea what was happening. DD's bedtime is 7.30pm so she was overwrought from being tired and hungry.

It's so tricky Sad

I don't like this!! Whenever someone tries to take my baby out of my sight the more adamant they are the more I dig my heels in.. my thoughts are if they feel that strongly to have her out of my sight it's obviously because they know I will disagree with something!

CecilyP · 09/07/2023 08:54

So she’s generally irresponsible! She is one of your parents; why doesn’t she want to see you with her DGD? Great relationship or no, you can’t trust her!

LividHot · 09/07/2023 08:54

Those lollies should be banned.

The Swizzels factory is near me and I have no idea how they can still make them.

You need to be firmer with grandma. Absolute no-no, same with whole grapes.

KingTriton · 09/07/2023 08:54

I still don't like my 8 year old having any of those things and only stopped cutting grapes a year or so ago so no YADNBU.

I was also mocked by my husbands family when ours was little and I mean like 2/3 years old for the grape cutting which really pissed me off.

Mind you, this is the family who were giving whole grapes, cherry tomatoes etc as soon as the children were weaned and because nothing ever happened to them, I was the irrational one apparently.

Jibo · 09/07/2023 08:55

WorriedAboutEntertaining · 09/07/2023 08:50

Okay, thank you, this gives me confidence to be a bit firmer.

I want DD to have a great relationship with her Grandma as I did with mine, but I find it difficult at times. Grandma doesn't seem to like coming to our house to see DD, she prefers to take her back to her own house, or away somewhere, so that we're not around. This would be fine, except we then don't hear anything from her - she doesn't answer messages or let us know what time they're coming back - one time she brought DD back at 8.30pm at night, without having had dinner, and having not responded to a "hi, hope you're having a lovely day, what time do you think you'll be back?" message so we had no idea what was happening. DD's bedtime is 7.30pm so she was overwrought from being tired and hungry.

It's so tricky Sad

That would have been the last time she took my DD away from home.

KingTriton · 09/07/2023 08:57

WorriedAboutEntertaining · 09/07/2023 08:50

Okay, thank you, this gives me confidence to be a bit firmer.

I want DD to have a great relationship with her Grandma as I did with mine, but I find it difficult at times. Grandma doesn't seem to like coming to our house to see DD, she prefers to take her back to her own house, or away somewhere, so that we're not around. This would be fine, except we then don't hear anything from her - she doesn't answer messages or let us know what time they're coming back - one time she brought DD back at 8.30pm at night, without having had dinner, and having not responded to a "hi, hope you're having a lovely day, what time do you think you'll be back?" message so we had no idea what was happening. DD's bedtime is 7.30pm so she was overwrought from being tired and hungry.

It's so tricky Sad

Oh right, she's like that is she? Clearly somebody who thinks she can do whatever the hell she likes and not be accountable. How awful that she wouldn't respond to your message. Clearly that was 100% deliberate. Has she done that since?

What else does she do?

FlounderingFruitcake · 09/07/2023 08:57

The chubba chupps or whatever they’re called, the branded lollies, have a new label on them that they’re not for under 5s. So no she’s not old enough. I personally stopped cutting grapes at about 5 too, 3.5 is definitely too young. And your update re days out, not feeding her and ignoring messages from you is also awful. She can’t look after her properly so stop letting her have her unsupervised. It’s great that you had a lovely relationship with your Grandma but that’s irrelevant because this isn’t your Grandma and she can’t keep her safe and meet basic needs e.g. feeding her dinner.