...to not want DD to eat these lollies?

[WorriedAboutEntertaining]

DD is 3.5 and her grandma keeps giving her these little lollies. I've asked her not to, as I have a horrible memory of my little brother choking on a lolly when he was 4 and my mum having to do the Heimlich manoeuvre on him.

DD's grandma also gives DD whole grapes, mini eggs and other things that really stress me out. I'm trying to be rational but my gut feeling is that I'd rather DD didn't have these things just yet - I still cut up grapes, for example.

Am I being irrational? Is DD old enough for these lollies? I think I might be letting my childhood memory cloud my judgement. DD's grandma thinks I'm being silly but she has been very cavalier with DD at times (leaving her alone on a changing table when she was a baby, DD rolled off; occasional things like that).

Why - just chop them. They are fine whole until they aren't..

Yeah, I’m sure most of the time it will be fine; until it’s not. A bit like wearing seatbelts, most of the time we’d be fine without.

I hate those lollies for small children. GM needs to learn who the parents are. If she can't respect your role then I wouldn't let her GC out alone. I'm usually all for fostering relationships with grandparents as long as there's no abuse but she needs to respect you, which clearly isn't happening at the moment.

Is she DHs mum? I suggest he has a word and lays down the ground rules.

Childcare changes with each generation and she needs to look after your dc the way you and your DH want. Not her way.
I had 4 dc but look after my DGC the way their parents want.

think part of the issue is that I'm not a very confident mum and tend to defer to others' judgement - especially as DD's grandma was a nurse (many years ago) and prides herself on being wonderful with children.

What sort of nursing did she do? My aunt was a nurse (long career) and she was alway extra careful!

I think cutting grapes at 4 isn't really necessary but for the lollies and mini eggs you're absolutely right. Super dangerous and there is just no need for them, they're unhealthy, terrible for teeth and it's not like they're the only types of treats available. Why won't she just swap to something safer?

I've never let my child have one. Even now that they're 11. The choking risk is too high.

Say you've been to the dentist and he's said she's not to have them them.

I only let my kids have them when I'm watching. Doesn't sound like you can trust grandma to be watching.

In my experience once you have a kid in school you do lose control over things like that- our teacher gives sweets as rewards for example and they sometimes eat them in school. Then once younger DC see school age DC coming home with sweets and lollipops it starts to feel very harsh to say no. So we let them have things but special occasions only and supervised.

My children are older teens and I never allowed them, they are too much of a risk .

My FIL in his early 80s recalls as a child , a friend falling over with one in his mouth and the stick jamming into his friends mouth as he hit the floor .

My DH and siblings never allowed them unless they were sitting down and supervised.

Grandma needs to not be disappearing with your dc either! To return her late in the evening without having fed her - I would be putting a stop to all outings without either you or dh present. The fact she’s allowing the lollies as well is bad enough - she can still see your dc but as I said, with you or dh present. Or she steps back for a while!

Well obviously dentists wouldn’t approve of these whether you’ve been to one or not! Or any other boiled sweets for that matter. How can she not know that?

Those lollies go straight in the bin.

Never let my 3 yo have them. I tell her straight that she could choke on it. Also shocking for teeth.

Yanbu

I would never allow my 3.5 year old to have a lolly like that. I don't even like my 8 year old having them. As for grapes, I still cut my 8 year olds 😂 I choked on a grape when I was younger and it has completely given me an irrational fear of them. Just tell the grandma she is not old enough and you don't want her eating them for the risk of choking

Yeah, if this happened I would in no way send my 3yo off with her again! The stress isn't worth it.

I work in a school and the head of y7 gives those lollies as a reward - I hate it because they are just not mature enough to sit down and suck on them - y7s (well, all secondary students really) jostle each other, play-fight, run, all sorts, with these in their mouths and I am dreading the day I have to try and dislodge one!

Oh god no to the lollies - my Mum is a retired nurse and the worse thing she remembers from her career and still talked about decades on was a 9 yo boy coming in choking to death on one of these round hard lollies. Consequently my kids never got one - they would be binned straight from party bags. @SquirrelFan I’d be very unhappy about that as a parent at your school, it’s a big risk. Me and OH were so far from helicopter parents but stood firm on this one!

I cut my own grapes up in my salad as I nearly choked last year.

I would never give those lollies to children. If they choked I would be responsible and couldn't live with myself after.
Birthday parties, Halloween, days out they were never given out by me. None of my dc got them from dh or I.
One of my dc choked on a plum stone. It was terrifying but luckily we got it out on time.

I take all lollies away from my 8 year old. My kids ask for cut up grapes now if they are offered whole ones. I also cut up hotdogs! Mini eggs and popcorn are banned! And I always cut olives, and cherry tomato

DDs grandma - I'm guessing this is your MIL ? As your own Mum had personal experience of your brother choking , I'm hoping she'd veto these items ?

YANBU

I probably am; but my 8 year old isn't allowed them either!

No lollies, chocolate or whole nuts and please cut the grapes should be a mandatory requirement of baby sitting small childrern.
Observance of being home by a certain time too.
Could you go and pick her up?