It’s me or the dog

[flowergod13]

Hi I’m looking for some advice or if anyone has gone through anything similar just hear me as I don’t know what to do.

We have a lovely 18m dog who I feel desperately sorry for as she does not get the time and attention she really deserves.

We are family with 2 young children and both work. My partner often works away ranging from 1 night to over a week.
Over the last 6 months both our jobs have been become more demanding and the need to travel has increased, which is only going to continue. I am finding that I am unable to go to meetings due to not being able to leave the dog as my partner is away, which can not continue.

As my partner is away a lot of the time I am often left to deal with everything, kids, house and the dog alone. I am finding that I can not cope anymore and at the top of my stress limit.
As a result of these circumstances she is missing her walks unless it’s a day the dog walker can take her and gets no other attention as once I have sorted the kids I am normally back to finishing work or it is too late and the kids are in bed so I can’t then take her for a walk.

She is full of energy and obviously needs to be exercised and I think because of the lack of this she has chewed bits of kitchen and the rug when I have left her for small period of time to pick the kids up from school.

At weekends when we don’t work we are still pretty busy with kids clubs etc and have even paid for the dog walker to take her then which obviously costs us money, and really I think we should be taking her at weekends but we just don’t have time.

When partner is at home, I am still the one who does all the house chores and clean up after her (he won’t pick up poo) like it seems labs do she sheds a lot so I have vacuum every day again he doesn’t do this.

Even though I would be devastated I have suggested rehoming her and I believe it is the best for her as she is wasted with us and can see she is unhappy. My partner disagrees and said he will walk her more but I just can’t see how this is possible given he his away a-lot of the time.
My fear is I agree with him and it will change for a short period of time before going back to how it is.

I feel so cruel to give her away and like I’m the bad guy but I just don’t think I can continue like this for another 10+years and she is being neglected.

My children love her but they don’t do anything with her. I’m sure they will be upset if she goes but I don’t think it will have a major impact on them.

Thanks for reading.

Yes good that youre doing the right thing but why haven't you for example taken her on the school run, stick in boot if too far and stop halfway to walk her a bit. Why haven't you had the kids (who love her) walking her down the street with you after tea before homework?
How can you love a dog and not walk it?

Well you had everything g it's possible to say chucked at you so I won't repeat it.

Rehoming is the best option. I work in rescue (I'm a foster) and there are good rescues and bad ones.

Could you let us know the general area and o can recommend reputable ones.

A young lab will be easy to rehome - so pick your rescue carefully.

These have a good reputation and know the breed

http://www.blackretrieverx.co.uk/BlackRetrieverrXRescue/Home.html

They were a small set up and really caring and nice people. Ive beat myself up lots of times of the dogs fate but i do feel they were genuine and the dog went to a good loving home (it was the rescue guys friend who had previously owned this particular breed) but just hope he was loved. What was the alternative? Giving him away via to a total stranger found on Facebook?? I do feel very sad about that time of my life but i was close to the edge at that point being a new mum with no support from partner. Something had to give.

Sorry that's
Borrow my Doggie

If you’re going to rehome do it via Labrador Rescue, they vet each family and you get given the dog that matches your needs, they are brilliant. Plus no kennelling needed, they would go straight from your home to the next (which is the least you can do).

I’ve got two labs, the youngest is a year old. What I’m not getting in your set up why it’s all on you. My dogs play with the kids, they fill up the treat balls (your dog would love that, they push the ball around and it releases treats), we all walk them, they go out for meals with us, to the pub etc. On an evening they sit with their heads on our laps being stroked (lab ears are the softest things known to mankind). They’re just generally involved, making us laugh and being silly with us, this house would be crap without them. But they are true members of the family, not a job, or an afterthought, and we always end up with well adjusted lovely dogs because that’s what a dog needs emotionally to be happy.

I think your husband is being a real prick not including the dog in family plans, because if you do your dog will blossom and relish being part of your family. It’ll then be better for all of you. If he protests about it he was the one that wanted the dog, he took on that commitment. I’d be furious with him if I were you.

You're getting a hard time here. A lot of people on MN are very precious about dogs.

Actually, it sounds like you are the only one who IS actually considering your dog's needs. Your husband wanted a dog but can't be bothered to actually look after the dog. You recognise you don't have the time or energy to look after your dog. Of course you must rehome her.

I hope she finds a new family whose lifestyle allows them to dedicate the time. You are doing the right thing, letting her go.

I hate people who get cute puppies then make excuses why the poor dog doesn’t get exercised. Get up 30 mins earlier, it’s light at 5am. Surely you can get the kids to walk with you and dog? Labs need exercise and it’s cruel to do this, so yes rehome the poor thing to someone who can’t see a dog as something you get rid of once you tire of it

Re-home her.

I am a firm believer that if you can’t walk a dog every day then you shouldn’t have a dog (regardless of breed). A lab needs at least one hour a day but really I’d expect two hours. Labs are a working breed and they need more than 99.9% of families give them.

A ‘dog walker’ is not enough. Half of them don’t even walk the dog for a full hour if you pay for an hour; they take out multiple dogs and leave them in vans for 50 minutes out of the hour you’ve paid for. Or they walk four:five at a time on the lead. The dog doesn’t get a proper walk.

Your dog is young enough that a decent owner can fix the problems you’ve created (destroying furniture, clinging to you etc). The older she gets the harder it will be.

If you love her, re-home her and explain to the kids why.

Rehome the poor dog & then maybe look at rehoming the husband too. He sounds like an absolute waste of space.

Why is he not doing his share of the chores when he is home? Why are you at breaking point and he is doing nothing to take some pressure from you when he can?

My heart goes out to you for rehoming the dog but you are doing the right thing. She deserves a life with stimulation & exercise, poor thing. And please never get a dog again.

I’ll probably get flamed for this but most dogs don’t actually need walking every day. They get very little from being dragged around an estate on the end of a lead. You could offer her exercise at home once the children are in bed that will also enrich her mind if you include smells. Hiding treats around the garden, playing fetch, doing some obedience training etc. if you dedicated 30-45 minutes a day to this (even if it’s broken up into sections) then your dog would be infinitely happier than no exercise at all.
Perhaps sign up to Borrow My Doggie as a way to include walks as much as possible.
Pay a dog Walker in between.

There are ways of making this work but if I read your tone correctly, then it seems you’ve already made up your mind - in which case, I’d agree to rehoming her. Poor pup.

Poor dog.

Too late for you of course OP, but anyone else considering a lab puppy needs to think vary carefully about whether they can cope with the time needed for care and training.

Although fully grown well trained labs are lovely family pets they can be nightmare puppies, and lab puppy-hood lasts a long time.
My lab didn't calm down till he was two years old. If our children had been young we wouldn't even have considered getting him.

stick in boot if too far and stop halfway to walk her a bit

Do people really put their dogs in the boot of a car? Do you mean the back of the car that's open to the whole of the inside, like an estate, or like my car, a complete closed off small area that's completely separate? That sounds cruel.

Personally I'd re home the husband he sounds a miserable git. Get your dog into day least she will be looked after make time in the evening for her a play and a cuddle in the couch, if you and he can't manage re home her and get no more pets.

Daycare*

Well no not the boot unless it's a hatchback which many cars are. The back seat if not, obviously.

I don't think people are actually meaning a small boot ours goes in the boot but it's spacious and he's in his crate.

'You're getting a hard time here. A lot of people on MN are very precious about dogs.'

A lot of people are precious about dog neglect, yes.

But that's the point. OP has realised she can't look after the dog without support from her husband. The kindest thing would be to rehome, which she plans to do by the sound of things, but loads of posters are sticking the boot in.

Your op makes me very angry but I'm not going to lecture you. Contact your nearest Lab Rescue and tell them you want to rehome.

I don't think people are actually meaning a small boot ours goes in the boot but it's spacious and he's in his crate

Ah, ok. Like a pp said a hatchback sort of thing. Makes sense. I couldn't fit a lab and my dc in the back seat though, so was thinking boot quite literally.

The op's post is a long list of excuses she then says 'I have suggested rehoming her and I believe it is the best for her as she is wasted with us and can see she is unhappy. My partner disagrees and said he will walk her more' so it does not sound like a decision has been made. If people 'sticking the boot in' help her wake up and expedite their decision then good.

Of course people put dogs in the boot of their car! I do, my spaniels can't drive! I have a freelander, they have a dog guard but have the boot. I will be upgrading to a crate lit a Lintran or trans K9 soon but just because of mud containment!

I admire you for trying to reason with these posters.

Janiie for instance has repeatedly commented like she thinks everyone is messaging her directly 😂

An 18 month old lab with good history with children will be rehomed very easily, I would imagine the rescue will have plenty of applicants to pick from.