It’s me or the dog

[flowergod13]

Hi I’m looking for some advice or if anyone has gone through anything similar just hear me as I don’t know what to do.

We have a lovely 18m dog who I feel desperately sorry for as she does not get the time and attention she really deserves.

We are family with 2 young children and both work. My partner often works away ranging from 1 night to over a week.
Over the last 6 months both our jobs have been become more demanding and the need to travel has increased, which is only going to continue. I am finding that I am unable to go to meetings due to not being able to leave the dog as my partner is away, which can not continue.

As my partner is away a lot of the time I am often left to deal with everything, kids, house and the dog alone. I am finding that I can not cope anymore and at the top of my stress limit.
As a result of these circumstances she is missing her walks unless it’s a day the dog walker can take her and gets no other attention as once I have sorted the kids I am normally back to finishing work or it is too late and the kids are in bed so I can’t then take her for a walk.

She is full of energy and obviously needs to be exercised and I think because of the lack of this she has chewed bits of kitchen and the rug when I have left her for small period of time to pick the kids up from school.

At weekends when we don’t work we are still pretty busy with kids clubs etc and have even paid for the dog walker to take her then which obviously costs us money, and really I think we should be taking her at weekends but we just don’t have time.

When partner is at home, I am still the one who does all the house chores and clean up after her (he won’t pick up poo) like it seems labs do she sheds a lot so I have vacuum every day again he doesn’t do this.

Even though I would be devastated I have suggested rehoming her and I believe it is the best for her as she is wasted with us and can see she is unhappy. My partner disagrees and said he will walk her more but I just can’t see how this is possible given he his away a-lot of the time.
My fear is I agree with him and it will change for a short period of time before going back to how it is.

I feel so cruel to give her away and like I’m the bad guy but I just don’t think I can continue like this for another 10+years and she is being neglected.

My children love her but they don’t do anything with her. I’m sure they will be upset if she goes but I don’t think it will have a major impact on them.

Thanks for reading.

Both my DS and my best friends DS have young families and has bought dogs but have now had them rehomed to living homes who have the time to walk.them and play with them. When my DS was discussing getting a dog I kept saying to him what a big time consuming commitment it is . With a young family and both working it's too much . I'm just saying this so you realise that this is happening alit . If you renomea tge dog while it's still you it will hafeva better chance to bond.

Please re home your dog, but make sure you do this responsibly so she doesn't end up in a home even worse than the one she is in now. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but your post has really upset me. Make time for your dog now and find her a proper home.

@VickyEadieofThigh is right.

Rescues are full of young dogs around 2 years of age. They grow out of the bumbling, goofy puppy stage into adolescence and owners begin to realise dogs require commitment, consistency and hard work, then they shirk their responsibilities.

I think you are the only one thinking of the dogs welfare here. I'd be furious with his attitude.

Please rehome. You talk about giving her away and I don't know if there was anything meant by that but please rehome responsibly.

Do not put dog on Facebook or gumtree or anything. Contact a breed specific rescue ideally. There are lots of sinister people out there.

Is she spayed?

I would adore having a dog but both DH & I work full time and our teenager (though a die-hard animal lover) is also busy with her life. Seven years ago we got a cat and she fits in our lifestyle very well.

Also , OP, at 18m she should be getting lots of consistent training.

That is clearly not happening.

I think if you are completely honest with yourself it's that you (as a family) wont prioritise her needs and provide for her, not that you cant

You could, for example, take her with you to sporting events for a walk while the children do their thing (or if close enough walk there), you could do an evening walk once kids are sorted,you could have the dog walker daily...etc....

If you aren't prepared to do this then rehome her. A young lab that's comfortable around kids will be in demand.

I'm sorry but I refuse to believe you can't find half an hour in your day to walk the dog. Get up earlier if need be. If you can't meet the dog's basic needs, then it needs to be rehomed (responsibly, through a rescue or breeder group,) which is really sad but will be best for the dog in the long run.

I would rehome the dh and the dog

Dog deserves far far better. You've failed her.

Dh is just a twat. But you should have known this before you brought a dog into the mix.

I was in a similar position a decade ago, although my ex wasn't just neglectful and unhelpful with our pup, he was also abusive. She was a sweetheart, and I did all I could for her, but in the end I couldn't protect her from him. 😔 I would never have agreed to a dog if I'd known he would treat her that way. I rehomed her, and about a year later split up with him. Probably should have done it the other way around, but I did the best I could at the time.

I know a lot of people on MN will say to keep the dog and work harder at training, more walks, etc etc, but sometimes the best choice for the dog is rehoming.

Your poor dog, this is awful to read. Why not combine dog walks with school runs? if it's too far drive half the way and walk the rest. Ditto on the way home.

You either need a better routine, a different partner or to rehome your neglected dog. No matter how busy you are half an hours walk twice a day is absolutely doable. You just have to want to do it and it seems like none of you do.

Could you afford to send get to doggy daycare Monday to Friday and have her walked at the weekends? If not then it would be kinder to rehome her.

OK, if you’ve only got a yard with plastic grass then you are 100% not the right home for a young active Labrador.

You must rehome this dog. Don’t get another one until you have the time to commit to everything a dog needs.

Don’t feel guilty about responsibly rehoming her, via a good rescue. Feel guilty about not doing it as soon as possible.

Your poor dog is being neglected. Yes you need to rehome it.

Don't beat yourself up for getting a dog, social media makes having a dog look easy and fun. It's hard to really grasp until you get a dog that they're really hard work.

Rehome them, it'll be best for you all including the dog. No real harm done.

This is so sad. Big working breed dogs need two walks a day, every day.

Your dh is ridiculous and the way you dog is living does amount to neglect.

Rehoming is the only option if no one is going to bother walking him/her, and not even giving attention is just 😢

Why aren't the kids interested in her, why isn't it part of their routine that you all go for a walk after school or in between their weekend activities?

You should have a safe secure place to leave her in to prevent damage to your kitchen etc. Of course she'll chew when left alone and bored. Why on earth don't you stick her in the boot so at least she gets some mental stimulation even if you cba to give her any physical activity?

I disagree. There has been harm done to that poor dog. His needs aren't being met, he won't have been trained, and will have to deal with being given up on. Dogs are emotional, loving beings.

Do what's best for the dog — which in this case also happens to be the best thing for you. In my village alone I see dozens of neglected dogs just begging for a good walk and some doggy company. They're not happy. Your dog will be happier, you'll be happier.

I disagree too. Harm has been done to an 18mth old neglected labrador. Left alone to chew the kitchen, a dog walker if lucky. Just awful.

Rehome and try a cat or hamster next time.

Browbeating the op won't change what's already happened.

you and DH should timers on activity with the dog at the moment and work out how many minutes she is played with.

Human time training a dog is different to dog time. Get an app that tracks phone usage for non work/ school stuff e.g. Mumsnet.

i time 20mins, 10mins of training and 10mins of tug of war or fetching toys or decompression. Bring the kids into this if they have the energy at that time.

use the dog walker.

Work out if you have 20mins of tv or phone use time to spend with the dog. Seriously, it’s just as relaxing to be present with the dog and you can do anything audio related you like. Play music and dance with the dog/ listen to podcasts/dance to kids bop with the kids and train the dog to spin at different bits. You can also sit on the sofa and throw items for the dog to bring you (you’ll need treats to train this.) but that’s as much energy and as relaxing as TV. Think of all the old ladies who have little dogs.

if you don’t, then rehoming is right.

dogs just want to be paid attention to - they really don’t mind what you do.

also i say you. I mean 80% of this should be DH. This has to be a commitment from him.

I'm a dog lover, have 4 but do think in this situation you need to rehome him. Speak to a local charity (don't advertise in gumtree etc), they will ensure the dog is rehomed in a suitable home, checks will be carried out etc.

Either that or you have a dog walker every day and/or he goes to puppy daycare where he can play and socialise all day, or maybe a mixture of both

No it might help her make her decision to actually act responsibly, kindly and rehome instead of writing a long list of excuses as to why this poor dog has been neglected and what to do as if it isn't obvious.
To even say there's no time with the school run without even considering taking the poor thing with her along for the ride (if not for a walk) is staggering.

Yes I recommended that she rehome.