Paternal leave for undeserving man

[Singlemum19802023]

So, I often read these and think. “that can’t be true, it’s too unreasonable” but that REALLY IS the case here, or so I believe. Let me know if im
wrong.

I’ll not messaging to bitch or moan (however if you guys say I am being unreasonable then I’ll shut up about it!), more to get advice on what I need to do to draw attention to it.

Also, I never understand all the acronyms on here so if I do anything wrong I apologise!

Here goes…. I gave birth to a baby girl in Feb. It was after a brief 3 month fling with a guy. Didn’t go anywhere. No dramas. Informed him we were pregnant at 12 weeks and agreed to try to parent together (however he lives in Brighton, I’m in Manchester). I knew it would be me doing the work. No issues with that, just wanted my daughter to know who her dad is.

So…he works for NatWest, who, in Jan 2023, have given all men 6 months full pay paternity. Don’t get me wrong. This is a good thing for families and I totally support it. However, the father of my child is not here, he is not helping us on a day to day basis, he’s out on the beach with his mates having a whale of a summer at the expense of NatWest. Believe it or not, he has never asked me for my MAT B1, or the birth certificate, so I’ve no idea how NatWest even know he has a child!

It just seems like a crazy thing for a company to afford rights to their male colleagues that, I’m pretty sure their female colleagues don’t get (I’m sure they have to waddle in to HR with their MAT B1 to get Mat pay!)

I don’t know who to speak to to try to get them to look at this. I’m happy for parents to have the right to parental leave and I think it’s important for men to have this to support their families. But to allow anyone who “knocks up a girl” and refuses to take responsibility to also take 6 months full pay, plus accrued holiday, and a phased return to work, is an absolute abuse and a slap in the face to all of us that cope as single parents on Statutory Maternity!!!

I just don’t know what to do about what I feel is a complete injustice and a p** take of an important change in policy that should benefit families.

The partner of the pregnant woman should have to provide the same evidence as the pregnant woman, a copy of the MAT1B. Then provide a copy of the birth certificate with their name on once the birth has been registered to enable them to take enhanced time off.
It is very difficult to police in terms of how present they are in the babies life, but I imagine it won't be the norm for deadbeat absent fathers to claim the time off for a jolly. It will be a minority.

But why would a man get it without even showing the paperwork that statutory maternity/paternity leave requires?

That's irritatingly slovenly of them.

Exactly that.

More self ID, really.

Inthinkmthats the root of my annoyance. Men aren’t getting equal rights…they are getting more even with no proof.

Why do women have to provide a MAT B1 when it is obvious by the time they go on leave that they are pregnant? Is it to guard against people stuffing a cushion up their jumper in order to get time off?

DH works for a bank too and gets 20wks paternity leave fully paid leave. I couldn't believe it when he told me and showed me the policy. He had to submit my MATB1 form to get it in place.

Our company gives 6 months full pay maternity and paternity leave. The paternity leave was introduced a couple of years ago.

The unfair thing about it is new employees who are pregnant have to be working in the qualifying week to get maternity pay. Men are entitled to apply for it on day 1 of employment. So they could start one day, give 3 months notice then can piss of for 6 months full pay.

I work for Nat West the policies are Maternity - 6 months full pay, 15 weeks statutory. Partner leave (Paternity) - 6 months full pay, 15 weeks statutory.
They don't affect each other and if both parents work at the bank they both get 6 months full pay.

Also, he doesn't need to show any forms from the mother. He just needs the SC3 form from the goverment. https://www.gov.uk/paternity-pay-leave/how-to-claim

It may be morally wrong, but this guy has done nothing to contact HR about or broken any policies.

If that’s the case I suggest the OP make an annon report to the media. I’m in Australia and we have this show called a current affair where they chase down dodgey builders and stuff. This kind of story would be right up their alley. If you have something similar I would report it there.

He could have someone providing documentation that is falsified. But he'd have to be using your name and the child's name to do so.

In large organisations, such as the one I work for, I’ve never met the HR people responsible for sorting out my maternity pay. They work in a completely different country. They don’t know me and will never see my pregnant, so it makes sense they need some kind of document as proof. I really don’t see the problem.

The unfair thing about it is new employees who are pregnant have to be working in the qualifying week to get maternity pay. Men are entitled to apply for it on day 1 of employment. So they could start one day, give 3 months notice then can piss of for 6 months full pay

That is unfair! Surely the companies offering these extended paid paternity leaves put a limit on how many a man can take?

OP - I’m amazed at the people saying you are bitter like it’s not a natural emotion. I would be bitter as all heck about this. On balance, though, probably wouldn’t report it. It’s not drama you need in your life. I hope he’s at least giving you some money.

Do one of the things people above have suggested OP - this needs to change. The worst case scenario is that a man gets a woman pregnant specifically to enjoy 6 months paid off work, knowing that CM can be wriggled out of as well if you know what you’re doing. Even if that happens once, it’s a tragedy for someone. Fuck this, when women have to (a) produce proof, (b) are more likely to work in jobs where this kind of paid leave is a complete fantasy, and (c) are the ones whose bodies need recovery, are often breastfeeding, and are nearly always doing more of the childrearing grunt work, even when dads do live with them.
What a smug bastard this bloke sounds like. Let’s hope one day he comes unstuck, as men like him tend to do. In my crystal ball I can see him getting married when he’s about 40 (these types have to have their lad time for as long as possible) then having a kid because all his mates have got them, and finding himself with a daughter who, as a teenager, rifles through his stuff when he’s not home, unearths the forgotten paperwork from this paternity leave, and tears him a new one in front of his wife who then divorces him and takes all his stuff, sells the house because the daughter’s off to Uni anyway, then hunts you down and gives you a hundred grand or so.
Or if that doesn’t happen, there’s always the fact that your little one will grow into an absolute gem of a person because they’ve been raised by you, and in many years when they’re an adult and your heart is just bursting with the joy and disbelief of having raised a whole human to adulthood, you’ll know that his 6 months leave are a distant memory and he passed up a lifetime of this absolute magic. You win either way, frankly.

The patriarchy in this thread is real!

OP, I would 100% report this to HR. If he isn’t spending most of the leave caring for/spending time with his daughter, he isn’t deserving of it. That is the purpose of the leave!

Reporting this isn’t going to ‘bring down the system’ or ‘stop other families getting the support’, it will bring about a better way of implementing it where fathers have to provide proof.

Could he have possibly gotten a copy of the birth certificate and been allowed to use that as ‘proof’?

How can so many ‘women’ believe that it’s ok for men to do this? Why should they have an easier route to something that women had to fight for and now still have to provide proof to gain? How can some even compare it to maternity leave, men have no physical recovery after the birth of a child.

Even if the OP is bitter, then it’s a perfectly reasonable response.

If you actually think about it, it’s even more pathetic that men are being allowed this leave without documents that women have to provide, when there’s obvious physical proof the woman is having a baby! If anything, it should be the other way around!

If this thread gets picked up by the daily mail you won't even have to tell NatWest

Complaining to his employer about this is no different to complaining about someone being off sick when they're not really sick - makes zero difference to you and you'd be told so by the vast majority of MN.

Similarly with benefit cheats, even though that does directly affect most people due to taxation funding it.

Why not just ignore?

So, basically, woman carries baby to term, gives birth and cares for said newborn - on her own.

Meanwhile, bio father has no input whatsoever, but is entitled to x amount of time off on paternity pay. With no input into the care of said newborn.

And some posters are basically saying “what’s the problem?”.

This place is nuts sonetimes.

Of course his behaviour is taking the piss and you should do what you need to regarding maintenance etc. but what has his arrangements with his employer got to do with you? More fool them but that's their look out

Some people are capable of seeing the bigger picture.

And what is the bigger picture?

I am all for paternity rights for those that are there for their children/wives etc. More should be done to ensure that the burden doesn’t fall on women.

But the scenario that OP describes is an absolute pisstake imo. The benefit is only to a guy who gets paid time off and has no responsibility.

Well yes this one scenario he is taking the piss, ergo the bigger picture is the wider benefit of these policies as the majority won't be like OPs bad choice.

I've only read OPs posts but surely this is so easily exploited. Men can potentially go around knocking up women left and right (or even just say they have as don't need to prove it) and basically never work again?

Your main issue seems to be the 6 months though. He isn’t getting more, it’s not relevant to compare one company’s enhanced leave with another only offering statutory. That is the fault of the other company, not NatWest.
At NatWest maternity leave isn’t less than paternity leave so he isn’t getting more.

Okay perhaps they need to show proof, so is that your anger? You wouldn’t have supplied the matb form?

The grey area seems to be that mat leave is for recovery and bonding with baby. This man is doing neither of these things. I'm not even sure how you'd tighten the regulation on a company-by-company basis to make sure men don't take the piss. Men have the potential to impregnate women all day long. I unfortunately know a few men whose faces would light up at the thought of back-to-back paternity leave from endless ONS