New bf party tonight. I'm not invited .

[geminirisingagain]

My new bf has a special birthday tonight. He will be surrounded by his kids, family and friends in his local. No big drama .. finger food, pints and a band. I'm not invited and deep down , it would be completely inappropriate of me
To be there esp as his relationship with his kids has only recently
Improved due to him
Finishing his last relationship.
They were together two years. It did t work
Out. Kids felt pushed out and for other reasons including that, he finished it .
We met by pure chance on the weekend it finished.
We both acknowledged that it was all wrong timing wise. However we continued to chat and for the last six weeks have chatted every day and met five times. We've slept together, enjoy each others company and look forward to meeting again.
I am
Not invited tonight. It would be wrong I know that. He's two hours away. His kids are only properly back in his
Life and his family's opinions are very important to him.
However I feel left out.
AIBU ?

Do you anything about him other than what he's told you OP? Is he on social media?

It's definitely too early, it sounds like he's made relationship mistakes in the past so it seems like he wants to (rightly) take his time before introducing you, but it's no reflection on you so try not to take it personally.

And, if you do think you're being unreasonable in thinking that, for god sake DON'T bring it up (unless a reasonable amount of time has passed and you've agreed that you're an official 'couple') because forcing his hand will not end well in the long run. If it's meant to be it should have a natural progression of it's own, don't overthink everything, just enjoy it.

If you do think you may resent playing second fiddle to his kids, or there may be a jealousy issue there, have a long think about whether you're right for each other.

I know everything I Need to know

How old are you OP?

YABU.

This is not your 'new boyfriend'.

This is a stranger who you have met 5 times during the past 6 weeks. You barely know him. Having sex with him does not change that.

Meeting his children, when you barely know him, or he you, or if there is anything real between you, is wholly inappropriate. Doing so immediately after his previous relationship ended in part due to his children is extremely unwise. Doing so in front of all the people who are genuinely important to him is batshit insane.

Thankfully, he at least seems to realise this!

Stop investing in romantic daydreams about a complete stranger, on the rebound, with children, who you have rather rashly shagged. Please use foolproof contraception. An 'accidental' pregnancy will not help things along.

OP I think it’s a good sign he didn’t invite you. It shows he wants to be a decent father who considers his kids feelings.

He’s said that his last relationship damaged his bond with his kids, and he’s only just ended that relationship. For him to rock up with a new girlfriend would make him a total arse.

It sounds like it's still really early days, you've only been dating a few weeks, so it's entirely reasonable that you haven't been invited to this. I get that it probably feels a bit rubbish, but try not to let it upset you when actually it's showing that he may be a relatively sensible guy who can prioritise his family and not rush headlong into "here's my new special friend!".

Make your own plans for an evening you'll enjoy, and maybe suggest doing something low-key together to celebrate his birthday on another day.

@yipeeyiyay I hope it's worked out well for you but it's more luck that anything else because proposing after a week is fucking ridiculous.

Funnily enough, dh parents did the same decades earlier

@Whatwaste I think that's way too soon when children are involved. It doesn't matter if they're teenagers. Even more reason not to introduce them to random shags. The OP may be a random shag or she may be a long term partner. When you've known someone 6 weeks there's really no way to know how things will pan out.

If the OP told me that she'd dump me if she didn't meet my kids within 6 months, that would be a hard no from me. It's not up to the new partner without kids to demand when to meet the children. Really bloody boundary crossing.

Aw OP... I feel for you. Of course you're not unreasonable to feel this way. But I think you know that it's the right thing. I haven't read all the replies but I hope you're having a lovely evening with a nice vino and a takeaway or out with your friends and you can have some lovely time with your DP another night. X

Clearly....

Of course you feel as if it would be nice to be there or feel as if he wants you to be there, that’s natural, but as you know, it’s definitely the right thing to do to stay away.

Also think of it this way.... if it works you have a long time together and best be introduced to the kids at the right time

It's not up to the new partner without kids to demand when to meet the children. Really bloody boundary crossing.

This, 100 percent. At least when they start demanding this sort of thing early on, it's a nice big red flag letting you know to move on quickly.

Jesus grow up
I also wouldn't recommend you getting into a relationship with a man who has kids if you already feel pushed out because you aren't invited to his party after six weeks

I mean I'm genuinely curious as to what exactly they 'are'; they've met five times, are having sex, what is it, true love? Or just a bit of fun and a shag? My money is on the latter.

Same ^

Hi @geminirisingagain

Your feelings are giving you important information about what you want in your relationship. It's not unreasonable to want a partnership where you are included in important aspects of your partner's life.

Unfortunately though, you've met a man who has his own family that you are not a part of. You cannot magically join his family so you will most likely remain on the outside of that part of his life. That might suit some women okay, but maybe that isn't going to work for you?

It may be a good idea to talk to him soon about your 6 month time frame to be introduced to his children. This may suit some men but if he thinks this won't work for his children and his situation, it would be better to know sooner rather than later so you can move on to find a lovely guy who is more compatible with what you want.

Just some perspective as the mum of 16/19 year olds who’s dad has recently come out of a relationship they hated. He’s done the right thing to not invite you, as repairing his relationship with his kids is far far more important than your feelings right now. And I know that is hard to hear and I actually understand that when you’re in that first bit of a new relationship when you want to spend every minute with them it’s hard that you aren’t invited. And I understand why you feel disappointed. But it is still the right thing. Maybe try and work on realising you are allowed to feel disappointed AND recognise it’s the correct course of action at the same time.

At what stage does someone become a bf then 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you’ve only met him five times he isn’t your boyfriend, stop thinking of him like that. You met him the weekend he split up with his ex? And that was only six weeks ago? You’re jumping the gun massively. But I wouldn’t get too excited about this one.

Maybe at the point where they’re inviting you to family celebrations?