New bf party tonight. I'm not invited .

[geminirisingagain]

My new bf has a special birthday tonight. He will be surrounded by his kids, family and friends in his local. No big drama .. finger food, pints and a band. I'm not invited and deep down , it would be completely inappropriate of me
To be there esp as his relationship with his kids has only recently
Improved due to him
Finishing his last relationship.
They were together two years. It did t work
Out. Kids felt pushed out and for other reasons including that, he finished it .
We met by pure chance on the weekend it finished.
We both acknowledged that it was all wrong timing wise. However we continued to chat and for the last six weeks have chatted every day and met five times. We've slept together, enjoy each others company and look forward to meeting again.
I am
Not invited tonight. It would be wrong I know that. He's two hours away. His kids are only properly back in his
Life and his family's opinions are very important to him.
However I feel left out.
AIBU ?

I would see this as a good thing OP. It's obvious you are really into him and if he believes it would be inappropriate (as it would be) then it seems like he is a decent sort so you might be onto a good thing! It's OK to feel a bit left out but I wouldn't be sharing my thoughts if I was you, it might come across a little intense and off putting.

Ok thanks x

Too early. Right decision from your new bf.

It’s really weird that you feel left out after 5 dates with him.

I am getting bunny boiler vibes.

Thankfully it sounds like he has his head switched on because he ended the relationship with the last woman who came between him and his kids.

No need to get bunny boiler vibes. Deep down I know it's the right decision, I was just feeling burnt . AIBU will always bring out the nasty discontented women . I was aware of that before I posted . I just wanted honesty and solidarity . Jog on

Absolutely not. You've known him less than 6 weeks, he finished his last relationship because his kids didn't feel prioritised, and you expect him to prioritise someone he barely knows? He shouldn't be inviting you.

No, I think they are older teenagers whose parents are entitled to have a personal life (including inviting whomever they want to their bday party), not little kids who have to be coddled. And, technically, OP and this man ARE presumably friends, though friends with benefits. Which is no one else’s business.

Normal to feel left out, but you know it’s the right thing. Just have a nice evening doing something else.

I get it, but soon it will be your time to share in these events. Have a nice evening and look forward to seeing him again.

I'm 12 months into a relationship and I still don't attend family events, those both with and without his children.
All his choice, I've been left at his house (we are long distance) whilst he's spent the day at these kind of events.

So I completely emphasise with your situation, it didn't really bother me until about 9months in though, I was fine about the earlier events as I understood it was way too soon.

I won't be waiting any more than
Six months to be his secret for his children.

This

I totally understand why you would feel like that, I think I would too.

but yes it’s too early and he has to put his kids first.

Not unreasonable to feel left out but definitely the right thing not to go.

Why are you so desperate to meet his children, especially on your terms? Particularly older children... what if they don't want to meet you after 6 months.

🚩🚩🚩🚩

I don't essentially want to meet them but I won't be a dirty secret either

Jesus. He sounds like a keeper!

I can see why you are emotionally involved so quickly!

TYou'd be better to end it now if you're going to be setting ultimatums like that.

Sorry OP, but you are coming across a bit bunny boiler like here.

You've met him 5 times, you're dating at best, definitely not bf/gf

I wouldn't be inviting a gf to meet my friends until a good 3 months in, let alone family. And she wouldn't get a look in with my kids for at least a year, especially if I'd literally just split up with another woman.

Hopefully you've not told him how you're feeling about this, because it's a huge red flag, and it'd be making me run a mile

Are you being sarcastic or genuine @Cherryblossomed

He's being reasonable in not inviting you, I don't think you'll get what you want out of this relationship.

That is ridiculous.

His children were estranged from him because of his last relationship, you’d be a fool to push things, no matter what their ages.

And christ, you’ve met the man a handful of times. Stop acting like a petulant teenager.

100% sarcastic

Well they are old enough to be pissed off that their Dad pretend his new love interest was a friend. If you want it to be a long-term thing and for you to have a good relationship with his kids then do not meet them at this sort of event.

@Cherryblossomed ...right